My mum has been diagnosed with incurable lung cancer

Hi there guys, 

My mum has recently been diagnosed with incurable lung cancer, and has been offered chemo/radiotherapy to prolongue her life. I am having an incredibly hard time trying to process all of this, and often find myself going into states of denial. I am 21 years old, with three fantastic brothers, a loving father and a mum who has been my bestest friend. Whilst I can manage to keep myself positive and hopeful when I am speaking with my mum, as soon as I am without her completely fall apart. The doctors suggested without treatment, she would live around 8 months, and with treatment, about a year and a half. Are these predictions based off of general statistics, or on the individual patient themselves? Something I just can't get my head around, is the fact that my mum at the moment is absolutely fine, she doesn't look or feel ill, it just doesn't make much sense. I've never felt so much pain. My mum is so scared, all I want is to make it better and fix everything but i can't.

My emotions come in waves. I have a constant heaviness in my chest and a feeling of sickness, which creaps up to my throat when i'm feeling really sad, and sometimes I feel incredibly positive, full of hope and enthusiasm. Something I have found is that grieving is just like a cold; it hits you the hardest first thing in the morning, and last thing at nightime. I spend all of my days dreading nightime, because everything I have tried to shut out comes creeping back up on me, and when i wake up in the morning, remembering whats happening hits me all over again.

The diagnosis is so hard to process, because we have absolutely no control over it, you just have to carry on. It's hard to take that in.

The medical notes have said the cancer is incurable but chemotherapy will prolongue her life... do you think there is any chance she could pull through this? She has always been very skinny, so i'm focusing on bulking her up and keeping her healthy for the chemotherapy. If she responds well to the chemotherapy, do you think theres a chance she could make it? 

I am so sad for her because I know she's afraid she'll miss out on so much, so i'm pushing her to fight and stay positive, just in case theres a chance.

My heart is absolutely broken, and often those closest to you just don't know what to say. Usually when im down I go to my mum for advice and support, but under these circumstances i've been staying positive around her, and therefore not confiding in her much about this, do you think this is the best thing to do? I stumbled across this page and decided that perhaps this may be a way of getting all of this out of my head. 

 

Thank you for reading! 

Parents
  • Hi SophiaRosetta, 

    I am so sorry to hear about your mom. This must be a very tough time for you and your family. I'm 26 and my dad was diagnosed with Stage 4 Prostate Cancer a year ago this month. I never thought I would lose one of my parents, or think about losing them, at such a young age. My dad has said that until he is dead, he will always remain hopeful and that he tries to live his life as well as he can. I can relate to the feeling that it's difficult to believe that our parents are so sick because my dad seems pretty healthy right now. I'm still trying to wrap my head around this and it's been almost a year since he has been diagnosed. It does get a little easier to process as time goes on, but deep down it does still suck. I just want you to know that you aren't alone and that a lot of us have a lot fo the same feelings that you are experiencing. 

    I would presume that the time the doctors believe she has left would be based off of statistics, so she could live longer than what they predict and she could live shorter. I think it's a rough estimate, as my dad was told a certain amount fo time, but some people can live longer. 

    One thing I have learned is that it is so difficult to predict how long our loved ones have left, and I have been trying not to focus on that. I just try to focus on the time I have with my dad right now. If I think too much into the future it makes me really depressed. Every single person reacts so differently to cancer and the treatments they go through, so it's very difficult to say how your mom is going to be. 

    I hope this has helped a little bit, and if you need to talk more, please don't be afriad to ask!! 

  • hi my mum has incurable lung cancer and it’s very upsetting please can you give me tips on how to cope with this. I hope others with this get on ok and the people with or know who have it get through this x

Reply Children