Cancer Research UK main site
  • Replies 17 replies
  • Views 3484 views
  • Users 0 members are here

My mum has been diagnosed with incurable lung cancer

SophiaRosetta
Offline

Hi there guys, 

My mum has recently been diagnosed with incurable lung cancer, and has been offered chemo/radiotherapy to prolongue her life. I am having an incredibly hard time trying to process all of this, and often find myself going into states of denial. I am 21 years old, with three fantastic brothers, a loving father and a mum who has been my bestest friend. Whilst I can manage to keep myself positive and hopeful when I am speaking with my mum, as soon as I am without her completely fall apart. The doctors suggested without treatment, she would live around 8 months, and with treatment, about a year and a half. Are these predictions based off of general statistics, or on the individual patient themselves? Something I just can't get my head around, is the fact that my mum at the moment is absolutely fine, she doesn't look or feel ill, it just doesn't make much sense. I've never felt so much pain. My mum is so scared, all I want is to make it better and fix everything but i can't.

My emotions come in waves. I have a constant heaviness in my chest and a feeling of sickness, which creaps up to my throat when i'm feeling really sad, and sometimes I feel incredibly positive, full of hope and enthusiasm. Something I have found is that grieving is just like a cold; it hits you the hardest first thing in the morning, and last thing at nightime. I spend all of my days dreading nightime, because everything I have tried to shut out comes creeping back up on me, and when i wake up in the morning, remembering whats happening hits me all over again.

The diagnosis is so hard to process, because we have absolutely no control over it, you just have to carry on. It's hard to take that in.

The medical notes have said the cancer is incurable but chemotherapy will prolongue her life... do you think there is any chance she could pull through this? She has always been very skinny, so i'm focusing on bulking her up and keeping her healthy for the chemotherapy. If she responds well to the chemotherapy, do you think theres a chance she could make it? 

I am so sad for her because I know she's afraid she'll miss out on so much, so i'm pushing her to fight and stay positive, just in case theres a chance.

My heart is absolutely broken, and often those closest to you just don't know what to say. Usually when im down I go to my mum for advice and support, but under these circumstances i've been staying positive around her, and therefore not confiding in her much about this, do you think this is the best thing to do? I stumbled across this page and decided that perhaps this may be a way of getting all of this out of my head. 

 

Thank you for reading! 

Parents
  • Offline
    Hi there, I know what you are going throu , my mum was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer that went to the brain. I'm 35 and no brothers or sisters, my mum is 55 and the doctor told her she wouldn't make it to Christmas, I have been so down I was of my food and I evan self harmed myself I felt totally alone and that no doctor cared if my mum lived or died. I cry every time and don't feel like doing anything, my work and health are suffering. we are so close and she told me she wants to live and that breaks my heart I'm searching hard to find a cure for her, but I keep getting told that its her time . she is doing ok aprt from her getting colds .I hate cancer
  • Offline in reply to jdm1981

    Hi to all,

    I post regarding the feelings of having to stay strong for those you care for. In my case, I'm the one with cancer, though at this time I'm in complete remission. Yet 6 months ago I was very ill and could do virtually nothing for myself except use the toilet. I didn't even have enough energy to wash myself.

     

    When initially told, over the phone, that I probably had cancer, I told my family straight away. Everyone was of course upset and anxious, although me least of all. We all talked, cried, got angry, got sad, made basic plans and discussed possible outcomes. We let each other have whatever emotions they had at the time, supporting each other as necessary. My wife is my main carer but all 6 of my adult kids chip in as and when they can. Any news and it's immediately spread around the family.

     

    I've been lucky, in that I've not pondered on the cancer. I can't get away from it because it affects me in some way all the time but I don't dwell on things. My main concerns are how it's affecting my family so when they ask how I am, I tell them. Complete honesty. But I've made it clear to each and every one of them that for me, I've had my life, my pleasure now comes from seeing them live their lives. That they're the most important people in all this.

     

    I let them know that they're loved and that they always have been. I encourage them to get on with life and try and take an exaggerated interest in all they do.

     

    All in all, we communicate. We don't hold back. We get angry with each other, we take the mick out of each other, we laugh with each other. And take each thing as it comes. Best of all?

     

    I ent ded yet.

     

    My regards to all.

Reply
  • Offline in reply to jdm1981

    Hi to all,

    I post regarding the feelings of having to stay strong for those you care for. In my case, I'm the one with cancer, though at this time I'm in complete remission. Yet 6 months ago I was very ill and could do virtually nothing for myself except use the toilet. I didn't even have enough energy to wash myself.

     

    When initially told, over the phone, that I probably had cancer, I told my family straight away. Everyone was of course upset and anxious, although me least of all. We all talked, cried, got angry, got sad, made basic plans and discussed possible outcomes. We let each other have whatever emotions they had at the time, supporting each other as necessary. My wife is my main carer but all 6 of my adult kids chip in as and when they can. Any news and it's immediately spread around the family.

     

    I've been lucky, in that I've not pondered on the cancer. I can't get away from it because it affects me in some way all the time but I don't dwell on things. My main concerns are how it's affecting my family so when they ask how I am, I tell them. Complete honesty. But I've made it clear to each and every one of them that for me, I've had my life, my pleasure now comes from seeing them live their lives. That they're the most important people in all this.

     

    I let them know that they're loved and that they always have been. I encourage them to get on with life and try and take an exaggerated interest in all they do.

     

    All in all, we communicate. We don't hold back. We get angry with each other, we take the mick out of each other, we laugh with each other. And take each thing as it comes. Best of all?

     

    I ent ded yet.

     

    My regards to all.

Children
No Data

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.