GP is ringing her tomorrow morning....letter just says he needs to discuss some test results with her. Bless her she says she is starting to get breathless again, I hope it isnt the fluid building up again. Mind you chances are it is I suppose.

Jacci

Hi

Have just caught up with your thread (internet access has been up and down).  Wish you and your Mum all the very best for her next appointment/discussion with the doc. and hope she can have a peaceful Christmas and be kept pain free.  (My hubby has cancer of the lung membranes  and I am aware of the breathlessness /pain problems that your Mum will be experiencing).  Do hope she can give her doc permission to discuss things with you which may make it easier for you to help her through any discussions that take place.  I usually go with my hubby for his hospital appointments (he knows only too well what is going on as he wanted to know right from the beginning(but does not find it easy to talk about from a very emotional point of view - diagnosis was nearly two years ago now and he has palliative care involving pain relief/regularly check ups)  as he prefers not to discuss things more than is necessary.  The only thing I would say is to take a notepad/pen both with the questions you/your Mum may have and also to jot down anything the doc may say so that you can refer to it afterwards (I find it helpful as very often its hard to take it all in at the time).  The forum is a very supportive place and its a good place to offload anytime you need to share your thoughts/emotions.

Take care.  Jules54

Worse night ever, pain is a bit better but she is on so  many drugs she is unsteady and wobbly mentally and physically iykwim. She really wasn't expecting the cancer diagnosis and she still thinks there will be some treatment for her. I cannot think of any thing more evil than this I really cant. She sobbed when I left but I couldn't stay as visiting time had finished. I felt awful leaving her , how do people cope with this I really don't know .

Jacci xxx

Just changed the title...waiting to find out what type of cancer it is.

Take care,

Jacci xx

Hi Jacci,

Have just been reading through your posts and just wanted to say how sorry I am for what you and your Mum are going through.  This terrible disease affects not only the patient but all those who love them, and to watch somebody suffer with cancer is indeed beyond cruel.  I lost both my parents to cancer within 5 months last year and I can appreciate the suffering you are going through at this moment.  I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better.  Sometimes we think we can't go on anymore but we do somehow find the strength from somewhere. Wishing you strength.  Hope23 x

Hope, I do not know how you coped  but in the end we have to dont we I suppose, I know I will cope for my Mum because I have to be strong for her I am all she has really.I have 2 sons, 21 and 25 and hubby is going to tell them for me, the eldest doesnt live at home so I havent seen him since xmas as Ive never been around and my youngest Ive hardly seen as I  have only been at home to try and sleep. They do both know their Grandma is very poorly but they dont know quite how bad things are. They will probably come and see Mum this weekend, that will be emotional for everyone. 

Well I will go and see Ma tonight, if I had my way they would put her into an induced coma, I hate to see her like this, she is frightened, confused, pathetic ( and I really dont mean that in a horrid way), well all I can do is be there for her but it really doesnt seem enough somehow.

Take care ,

Jacci xx

Hi Jacci

I don't think anyone here knows how they cope but somehow we do.  With my Dad is was hard knowing I was to lose him (nearly 6 yrs ago now) but quietly reassuring that he would no longer be suffering and he was so comfortable in the hospice for the last two weeks of his life and they were so supportive of the whole family.  I do hope that your Mum can be kept comfortable and whilst  I have  no doubt that the visit with your sons will be emotional for everyone, you are doing it together and having two children myself who went through this  you will help each other  through. When my hubby had full diagnosis facts we called the children round and broke the news together to them, cried together andnow continue to takestrength from each other.(unbelievably nearly 2yrs have passed since then and we hope for more).   My thoughts are with you as this is an emotional period to traverse through but with your family/friends and the forum around you please do not try coping alone.

When my Dad was unable to chat much my Mum read poetry and did her crosswords as she found it hard sitting doing nothing  (mind you she was in her early eighties and more spritely then than now.

Sending virtual hugs along with a virtual shoulder to lean on.  Wish I could offer more.  Jules xx

Hi Jacci,

I don't know how I coped or how any of us do, but I guess we really have no choice.  Like you, I was all my parents had (I'm an only child), so I carried on going through the motions of everything that you do when somebody is so ill.  I also have 2 sons aged 17 & 19, and they (plus hubby) were my rock and still are as I still have bad days coping with the roller-coaster of grief.  I'm sure this will also be an emotional time for your sons but I'm sure they will also be a great support to you.  I understand entirely your comment about wishing your Mum could be in an induced coma, it is beyond cruel watching those we love suffer.  I'm sure you've been told this before but try and take each day at a time and be kind to yourself, remember you can only do your best.  Hope x

Well last night was very very sad, all she is really doing now is moaning and talking to herself...its all poor me, why me, I have never done any harm to anyone...it is distressing to say the least. Mentally she is failing very fast but the morphine doesnt help Im sure.Physically she doeant seem to be in as much pain at all although she says she is.....but you can tell she isnt..I think she is getting reliant on the morphine...she has been on it now for at least 10 days or so.

Mum said a nurse came round to see her today talking about how she can manage at home....if they do send her home I will have to move in with her, I couldnt leave her on her own.

Anyway take care all.

Jacci xx

Hi Jacci,

I'm so sorry to hear how bad things are and I understand how distressing it is for you to witness.  It is difficult managing at home; I got my Dad home as was his wish and he died 3 days later, my Mum managed at home for 7 weeks but went to the Hospice the last day.  We had brilliant carers and district nurses, I didn't move in but was round there constantly.  Looking back I wished I'd moved in but I was trying to juggle so much and was actually terrified of watching the same cancer that had just taken my Dad take my Mum.  The Hospice care was amazing and was a much better environment than any hospital round here. I hope that they continue to control the pain for your Mum, I am sure they will; that was my only consolation that neither of my parents suffered too much pain.  Please take care of yourself and take support from others as much as you can.  I found this site a great help to me during my darkest days.  Sending you a virtual hug Hope x

Thanks Hope, well will see what today brings.....it is horrible just sitting there when she is saying things like why was I born etc. All I can do is be there for her I suppose. I just wish she would be more capable of having a conversation but if she does actually talk to me its to say things like...I dont know why I bought that new jacket...I wont be wearing it now.She doesnt know that the chances are there will be no treatment for her so Im dreading when they tell her that. She also doesnt like the nurses talking to me, one was talking to me last night just about the trains being bad and Mum statred groaning loudly as if in pain, when the nurse left she was fine!

Well I suppose we will have an appt soon once they know exactly what form of cancer we are looking at. Being selfish I am totally exhausted but was supposed to work on Sat morning and have cancelled that so hopefully can have a lie in then. Im finding I cant sleep at night but after 6 which is when I should be getting up I can sleep like a baby then! Did that this morning, woke up at 6, Hubby made me a drink and then woke up at 8.02, thank goodness my son was there so he could drive me in!

Take care,

Jacci xx

Hi Jacci

Really sounds like  you need to get some rest for yourself so hope you manage that lay in on Saturday.  Its so hard that 'normal'life has to go on hold.  Though my Mum is still around she is in residential care at present as there is no way she can look after herself (mobility and mental issues) and I am not in a position to look after her (like Hope am an only child too but have never had a great relationship with my Mum) and now my priority has to be my husband.  I am sure visiting every day is very tiring and it sounds like the morphine is causing her personality changes though to be fair the older I get my patience gets a bit thin at times!!  Hope now that your husband has explained the situation to your sons, they can offter you some comfort and support - sometimes just a hug and no words is enough to make me smile despite all that is going on.  Will hope that you have a better visit with your Mum today.Take care  Jules x

Hi Jacci

Really sounds like  you need to get some rest for yourself so hope you manage that lay in on Saturday.  Its so hard that 'normal'life has to go on hold.  Though my Mum is still around she is in residential care at present as there is no way she can look after herself (mobility and mental issues) and I am not in a position to look after her (like Hope am an only child too but have never had a great relationship with my Mum) and now my priority has to be my husband.  I am sure visiting every day is very tiring and it sounds like the morphine is causing her personality changes though to be fair the older I get my patience gets a bit thin at times!!  Hope now that your husband has explained the situation to your sons, they can offter you some comfort and support - sometimes just a hug and no words is enough to make me smile despite all that is going on.  Will hope that you have a better visit with your Mum today.Take care  Jules x