GP is ringing her tomorrow morning....letter just says he needs to discuss some test results with her. Bless her she says she is starting to get breathless again, I hope it isnt the fluid building up again. Mind you chances are it is I suppose.

Jacci

Hi

Have just caught up with your thread (internet access has been up and down).  Wish you and your Mum all the very best for her next appointment/discussion with the doc. and hope she can have a peaceful Christmas and be kept pain free.  (My hubby has cancer of the lung membranes  and I am aware of the breathlessness /pain problems that your Mum will be experiencing).  Do hope she can give her doc permission to discuss things with you which may make it easier for you to help her through any discussions that take place.  I usually go with my hubby for his hospital appointments (he knows only too well what is going on as he wanted to know right from the beginning(but does not find it easy to talk about from a very emotional point of view - diagnosis was nearly two years ago now and he has palliative care involving pain relief/regularly check ups)  as he prefers not to discuss things more than is necessary.  The only thing I would say is to take a notepad/pen both with the questions you/your Mum may have and also to jot down anything the doc may say so that you can refer to it afterwards (I find it helpful as very often its hard to take it all in at the time).  The forum is a very supportive place and its a good place to offload anytime you need to share your thoughts/emotions.

Take care.  Jules54

Hello, well today is another day, I took a travel sickness tablet last night to help me sleep which worked, almost too well as I am still in bed! How are you doing Sunshine and Jules I hope you and Hubby have a good weekend together.

Regarding Mum its the weekend now obviously so nothing new will be happening. She is type 1 diabetic (has 4 injections per day) and seems almost manic now regarding her sugar levels and is moaning non stop that the nurses on the ward know nothing about diabetes and that she has to manage her condition on her own in the state she is in with no help from them. Bless her she is not an easy patient! The morphine has affected her mood, such a shame it doesnt seem to be affecting the pain.I have always tried to live in the moment but cant stop myself thinking of the future, Im now thinking when we do get results she wont understand what they are talking about, she seems to be getting more deaf as well and if she is still in agony wont be able to sit still during her appointment but then I try and tell myself that she is certainly not the only person that has been in her position. Problem being this is the first time that she and I are going through all this. My journey was so different, my Consultant thought my tumour was benign until it was removed and when I got my diagnosis the tumour had gone and no further treatment was required so all totally different.

Hark at me rambling on again, take care ,

Jacci xx

Hi all, well yesterday was a better day, Mum said her pain wasnt as sharp as it has been, she is still vomiting on and off all day but she did look a little bit more like my mum yesterday. They did an xray yesterday, she thinks it was on her chest so results for that on Monday and I think they have changed her pain meds so will see if they help the pain and also make her not so sick,

Thank you all so much for your support, it helps so much.I have decided I need to put some normality back into my life if I can so had my nails done yesterday...baby steps....

Love to you all,

Jacci xx

Morning Jacci

It was good reading that your Mum shows signs of improvement and maybe the pain meds are doing a bit more good now.  Keeping fingers crossed for more good times for you and thefamily too.  Iamjust awaiting arrival of daughter and family so the peace will be replaced by good kiddies laughter and no doubt lots of games of snakes and ladders!! I have four new jigsaws to do with our eldest grandson (5) all 100 pieces.  We got him one for Christmas thinking it would take a bit of time for him to achieve only to hear from his Mum that once she did the 'edges' he finished it off within the hour!!

Bet you really enjoyed having your nails pampered (was thinking of having this done before our weekend away but need to get the nails growing first).  Wishing you a peaceful day.  Virtual hugs. Jules x

Hi Jules,hope you enjoyed jigsawing with your grandson, they are so precious arent they. We have a 3 yearold grandaughter and she really is the light of our lives and very exhausting!!Regarding my nails I have acylics...gave up trying to grow my own a while ago!

Well unfortunately today was the worst day yet, Mums pain is even worse, they have upped her drugs but to avail except that when I got to her bedside she didnt recognise me initially, that really upset her. I had a word with the nurses who basically just said thank goodness tomorrow is Monday and the Drs will be able to investigate. One nurse said to me that Mum had seen a Dr today and Mum got very agitated saying she hadnt seen a Dr (she had been told they were too busy) but the nurse wouldnt have it and poor old ma was in a dreadful state as she felt they thought she was losing her marbles and it turned out in the end that Mum was right.

Mum is at the end of her tether with this pain, again saying she would be better of dead than like this and she looks almost manic at times, I take it that could be a side effect of the morphine ,today I could feel myself shaking with emotion or stress or something, it all seems like a nightmare with no end..a bit Groundhog day. I dont know how she can be in all this pain without anything really being done and we still havent had the final diagnosis. I feel truly helpless and fairly useless too....just horrible.

Well thanks for letting me get that off my chest, I can feel a sleepless night ahead but hopefully I am wrong.

Take care.

Jacci xx

Morning Jacci

Do hope you managed some sleep after such a traumatic visit with your Mum.  Its so difficult watching loved ones suffering and the feeling of helplessness that we cannot do more is truly exhausting apart from the tremendous worry that goes with the cancer journery. I suspect that its both the level of pain she has to endure plus the drug cocktail she has to be on that could be causing her fearful thoughts as I have seen a few friends on morphine who have reacted in this way (including hallucinations and being 'totally out of it').  Of course it would be easier to accept if it was keeping her pain free but it would seem that the correct medication still needs to be found. Really hope the docs can help her today and that you will both have some answers as to the cause behind  it all and a more helpful treatment plan put in place.  Will be thinking of you today and hoping its better news.  When my Dad had similar problems early in his illness one of the things Mum used to help calm him was to take photo albums in and he said he could focus on happier times with thehelp of the photos. She also used to read to him (said it helped her as well as him because it was not always easy to find things to say day after day) - just a thought.  Keep offloading on the forum as I think it really helps the coping mechanism.  Look after yourself. Virtual hugs  Jules xx

Just had lung cancer nurse on the phone , she went to see Mum today and could not believe how downhill she has got after last few days. They have got some of the results but not all of them and Mum asked if it was cancer and the nurse told her it is. Apparently she got upset but said that she knew it was bad as she is in so much pain. The nurse bless her rang to apologise as she knew I wanted to be with my Mum when they told her.

She advised me they will try harder to keep Mums pain under control and also said that as she is so frail now the chance of any actual treatment for the cancer is well, no chance really. TBH I knew that was probably going to be the case. They dont know what type of cancer it is but she reckons they will know by Weds. I would be very surprised now if Mum does actually come out of hospital.

Take care,

Jacci xx

Hi jacci, I am so sorry about the news that your mum

Has cancer, I really hope and pray that they get your

Mums pain under control, it's surely is not nice watching

Someone you love in pain. Takecare Hun keep us updated.

Xxxxxx

Hi Jacci

Reading your update it seems that both you and your Mum are unsurprised by the news but its still not what you wanted to hear.  My hubby was pleased he was alone when he got his diagnosis (chose for me not to be there for that particular appointment!) and now that you have spoken to your Mum's lung nurse and assuming your Mum is aware of that chat, it may make it a little easier for her when you next visit  as she will not have to break the news herself.  I really hope they can make her more comfortable but its a difficult journey nonetheless.   The forum is here in support whenever you want to let of steam.  Sending big hugs. Jules xx

Worse night ever, pain is a bit better but she is on so  many drugs she is unsteady and wobbly mentally and physically iykwim. She really wasn't expecting the cancer diagnosis and she still thinks there will be some treatment for her. I cannot think of any thing more evil than this I really cant. She sobbed when I left but I couldn't stay as visiting time had finished. I felt awful leaving her , how do people cope with this I really don't know .

Jacci xxx

Just changed the title...waiting to find out what type of cancer it is.

Take care,

Jacci xx

Just changed the title...waiting to find out what type of cancer it is.

Take care,

Jacci xx