Hello Dee022021

I'm very sorry to hear about your recent diagnosis and that on top of this the person you had considered to be your closest friend and confidante has become increasingly distant from you. It's clear from your post that you're going through a very difficult time right now and I think lots of our members here would understand that. 

People cope in many different ways with a cancer diagnosis but it seems that perhaps this man did not share the same level of feelings for you as you did for him and that's obviously difficult to bear on top of everything else that you're dealing with at the moment. Please remember that his actions are not a reflection of you. 

You mention in your post that you're pretending everything is OK when clearly from what you've shared it's not.  You've taken the first step in reaching out for help and support by joining the forum here and I'd really encourage you to talk to those around you and explain that actually you are struggling at the moment. I'm sure that there will be people who will want to step up and support you not only in your journey with cancer but also to help you with the emotional hurt that you're dealing with at the moment. 

If you feel able to then have a chat with your Breast Care Nurse. It may be that they're able to refer you for some counselling/psychological support and I'm sure that they will have spoken with people before who have found themselves in similar circumstances. Alternatively, you could reach out to your local Maggie's centre who are also able to offer talking therapies and support. 

It's really important when you're feeling like this Dee022021 to talk to someone and I wanted to remind you that even at those lowest ebbs when you're really struggling with things, there is always someone available at the end of the phone or online that you can talk to for support. At those times you can reach out to Samaritans who are available 24/7. 

Whilst you may feel lonely at the moment, please know that you're not alone. The cancer Chat community and many other people are here to support you if you reach out so keep in touch. 

Best wishes, 
Jenn
Cancer Chat moderator 

Id echo what Jen has said, I became scared at how emotionally distant my husband has become, and how communication had become almost accidental rather than an everyday thing, eg coming in, eating a meal Id prepared, then just walking off to go on his laptop. I started thinking of moving out. I sought NHS counselling (Id had a horrendous experience when I had my mastectomy recon because patient in next bed to mine had a fit, stopped breathing and had a heart attack, and died. she was in her forties. I heard the noises and conversations of staff trying unsuccessfully to resuscitate her, then her loved ones trying to kick the ward doors in to get to her. Id had nightmares repeatedly and was fearful of revision surgery ANyway, the breast care nurses referred me to the cancer specialist psychology service and the counsellor has been brilliant at helping me safely to explore concerns and issues, and it has freed me up to get my voice back and raise concerns about how I see issues in our relationship. its early days and baby steps, but after a year of shielding and terror, its better than stewing and fretting. I can almost sleep through now.  I hope you can find a safe person to speak to, and share your thoughts and concerns about feeling this person you trusted has let you down. I feel for you. and wish you hppier times ahead.

Thank you for your kind words - I struggle with counselling from experience, it doesn't really change anything you just talk to a stranger about your worries then go home to the same old.

I would still be alone. 
 

I am just trying to take one day at a time, it's just been made harder by the grief of a relationship on top of every thing else.

thank you for your words of support it means so much to know I'm not alone in this battle. 
 

Sometimes I look around and feel like the only one out of a loving relationship

Thank you for your kind words - I struggle with counselling from experience, it doesn't really change anything you just talk to a stranger about your worries then go home to the same old.

I would still be alone. 
 

I am just trying to take one day at a time, it's just been made harder by the grief of a relationship on top of every thing else.

thank you for your words of support it means so much to know I'm not alone in this battle. 
 

Sometimes I look around and feel like the only one out of a loving relationship