Hi everyone its been a long time since Ive been on AGAIN because the computer has been playing up AGAIN and its made me very  . could do with a new one but this time of year its an expense we can't afford! I've been reading back a few posts but it will take me forever to catch up so wondered if you could all just update me on how you are all doing!! Its lovely to be back in the community I've been on a bit of a rollercoaster last two months and am waiting for the straight jacket to arrive lol!! Seriously does anyone else get really angry!! My anger has been uncontrollable at times with me even smashing a wall and it has really upset me!!

Please be intouch

LOTS AND LOTS OF LOVE TO YOU ALL

Louise

Hi Louise

Sorry to hear you are having problems with your computer and your emotions.I dont get angry because I find it just leaves me feeling worse in the long run,plus my last treatment has damaged my heart so at the moment I cant get stressed.Waiting to see the heart specialist in 2 weeks and when he gives me a magic pill I will be fine.You have been through so much for so long.Can you have some sort of therapy or a massage or reiki treatment to help?Being on here should help to unload so rant away and let us help.No more wall hitting!!!

Stay strong

Rose xx

Hi everybody, just an update on myself lol. Thats me finished 2nd week of radiotherapy, 4 more to go, got my infills done in my eyelashes, its costing me a fortune but I dont care. Sarah, I so know what you are going through, losing my gorgeous hair was the worst for me, then when my lashes and brows started to go, I felt so ugly, when I looked in the mirror I looked like my dad lol, he was baldy too, wearing my wig is the worst think for me as it itched and itched and I was also getting a sore neck as i was turning my head to the side in an abnormal way as i was scared the wig would fall off, i hate it. I now wear mine with these little knitted head bands with the corsage attached, you can get them in primark, new look, ebay etc, think they call them ski head bands, it covers the wig but not at top, which isnt as hot, Im taking hot flushes, so when wearing wig, i feel as tho im going to combust lol, sometimes i just feel like ripping it off and throwing it away, infact yest john was driving and i was in passanger street and roasting, so took it off, i felt as tho passing cars were looking at me, but hey ho, i dont care. My hair is coming through really quickly, but its getting thick instead of long if that makes sense, ive been dying my hair for years, so its funny to see such dark hair, with little silvery flecks, cant wait to colour it. Sarah all i can say is be patient, ive actually had to shave my legs and bikini line recently and i had nothing there lol, it doesnt take long, my chemo finished in oct and by jan im hoping to have my hair coloured and cut into a rally funky crop, Im not gonna lie to you, hair loss was the worst for me and still is, chin up.

Have a great weekend everyone, having a chinese meal in tonight as its my daughters birthday and then got a meal out tomor nte for my partners nephews birthday then next sat its my birthday, then 23 my partners sisters birthday, then xmas, its all go go go.

Colly xx

Hi Ladies.

Hair:

When my partner's hair started dropping out she went in to a panic. We did the wig shop bit. It was probably the most emotional time of her entire treatment! Looked at the dear ones. and some crazy expensive ones too! Ended up buying two..... Fancy dress wigs. One a black bob that I called "The Interview Wig" because it looked formal. One bright electric blue. £7.99 a pop. She used the black one to go under hats and scarves. The blue one was just mad! She pulled both ideas off and looked stunning. Also  went for scarves but looked at various ways of tying them. Bought some good colours too. All cheap. couple of quid from the market. They became an accessory to what she was wearing, rather than a starting point. Black & Silver stars, reds, blues and so on.

Be adventurous! Take it on.

She said one thing as her hair grew back that was amazing. "you know what?..... I should have made more of the scarf thing. it was fun!" She has the most amazing spirit. Eight months clear now and complaining about the cost of haircuts!!! I did laugh.

Hi Runningdrums, I personally think it takes a very special kind of person to pull off fancy dress wigs and funky scarves and unfortunately im not one of those people, i dont like people looking at me when wearing scarves and feeling sorry for me,whilst wearing the scarves i think it makes you look like a cancer patient, during summer months i wore funky little skip hats from monsoon, i must admit i spent a lot on little hats, good on your partner for having the guts to do it. Colly x

My darling Sara, I know how you feel and no ammount of reassurance will make you feel more attractive and confident at this moment in time, all I can say to you is ....it will pass. and you will get stronger I had such beautiful long blonde thick curly hair before the dreaded chemo and now as you see by my photo Im simply an egg head! however this last week 7 weeks after finishing chemo I have noticed a soft baby like growth covering my head and my eyelashes and eyebrows are just starting to come back, it feels like your a stranger to yourself when you look in the mirror and you worry that people will take pity on you incl your partner, when all you want to be is that strong confident beautiful woman that you once were, but guess what ? we are the ones that have got it wrong, when you look at my picture what do you see, so you see a bald ugly woman with no eyebrows and stubby eyelashes and a wonky boob looking back at you...No! ..Why when that is what I see when i look in the mirror... do you pity me? or do you admire my strength.....what Im trying to say is how you feel about yourself is not how other people see you, I for one think you are amazing and your kindness and warm heart just leap out the page at me everytime I read your messages noone this beautiful inside could possibly be ugly on the outside..IMPOSSIBLE. you are entitled to feel down from time to time but ...not for long.no because you need to start seeing what we see then you will find the strength to get through this and get through this you will, that you can be sure of.

Im sending you as much positive love as I can,

lots of love lee xx  

Colly

Im so excited to hear your hair is coming through you must put a picture up when you have a funky haircut after christmas, you know whilst this has probably been the worst year of my life I can honestly say I feel truly blessed to have found you ladies and gents, you have all helped me through my dark times and made me smile when things got too bad, I just want to take this opportunity to thankyou all so very much from the bottom of my heart.

Lots of love Lee xx

hi all

Just to chip in with the current thread  Sara dnot be so hard on yourself we all worry about our looks but think about it we all stressed out before not realising how lucky we were !!

Lee is so right how u see yourself is really not how others see u i went to work do last week i was so self conscious by time i left i felt realy good everyone was so complimentry and caring

focus on other area get family and friends to get u some nice make up or smellies or face cream for christmas (there r loads of offers out there it really does help

look in the back of your make up drawer and find that eye shadow palette that u never used and try some new colours ! this is a time we can do what we want !!

we r all so with u on this

girls on selfish note although i have 2 more chemos my hair seems to b growing a bit its furry and too much grey for my liking but should i shave it so that it better quality later ?i am scared in case it itchy ??it looks very very odd when it does come back i will be coluring it as soon as able !!

i so agree u lot r such a life line we are all very cool people we can do this

love and hugs xxxxx

nina

ps tryin to be brave goin to black tie xmas party 2nite long dress the works very nervous about it !1but i am going to do this!!wish me luck will let u know xxx

Right back at you Lee You have given so much lovely advice on here,I can remember your first post and you have never failed to be a constant source of help and lifted everyones spirits time after time.Some people touch our lives and some touch our hearts and you are certainly the latter.

Thank you for being you

Rose xx

Hi Nina

in truth i dont know what to advise about the hair, as you still have two more chemo's left I think you may aswell leave it alone and see how it is at the end of it all, the soft fuzz it what I have now but I believe it is just part of the growing process and dont believe that it will grow any faster by shaving it off, but that is just my opinion,do you have a wig cap ?its like a pop sock for your head, it helps a lot with the itchy feeling you can buy them online or from any reputable wig shop, good luck for your black tie night Im sure you will look stunning.

Lots of love lee xx

God bless you Rose, your words humble me xxxxxxxxx

hi rose

what a scary time it must of been. so glad you are feeling better now. bless the nhs n your husband. so thankfully you can breathe better but have you seen your heart doctor? is he happy with how things are now or is that another appointment? do you still need this magic pill? so glad you are ok! bring on that christmas din n pud n a wonderful christmas for you all.

treated myself yesterday, eyelashes for christmas! its so strange after such a long time. didnt realise you cant get them wet or get cream on them. this might not be as easy as i thought.

little boys been poorly for weeks but got worse again this week. its horrible isnt it? bloody asthma on a tiny chest is so wrong. my eldest turned 14 this week also. oh my god, cant believe ive had kids for that long. typical, none of his birthday pressys turned up so that ended up costing more. still havent arrived the poor thing.

i think  we will all meet up next year when everyone is well enough. i'd like our tony there as im sure we all will. im cornwall anyway ladies. been thinking of you all with that snow, especially you in scotland. dont know how you cope with the cold.

lots of love leonie xxxxxxxx

hi rose

what a scary time it must of been. so glad you are feeling better now. bless the nhs n your husband. so thankfully you can breathe better but have you seen your heart doctor? is he happy with how things are now or is that another appointment? do you still need this magic pill? so glad you are ok! bring on that christmas din n pud n a wonderful christmas for you all.

treated myself yesterday, eyelashes for christmas! its so strange after such a long time. didnt realise you cant get them wet or get cream on them. this might not be as easy as i thought.

little boys been poorly for weeks but got worse again this week. its horrible isnt it? bloody asthma on a tiny chest is so wrong. my eldest turned 14 this week also. oh my god, cant believe ive had kids for that long. typical, none of his birthday pressys turned up so that ended up costing more. still havent arrived the poor thing.

i think  we will all meet up next year when everyone is well enough. i'd like our tony there as im sure we all will. im cornwall anyway ladies. been thinking of you all with that snow, especially you in scotland. dont know how you cope with the cold.

lots of love leonie xxxxxxxx

Hi Lonie,

Breathingbetter now thanks no need to see the original doc as the emergency treatment has hopefully sorted it all.Really wierd watching your heart being sorted while you sit there but I like things like that so it was a fascinating experience.

My brother used to get terrible asthma,itis really distressing.He was taken off all dairy and given goats milk which really helped but it is a hard one to pinpoint.

Must have been so annoying for you when the prezzies didnt turn up when you try so hard to get things right for them .Are you able to walk better now?You had terrible side effects but always battled through ,you need a string of good luck now.We shall all arrange a day and time over Christmas and raise a glass to all of us for 2011

Take good care lovely girl

Rose xxx

hi rose n ladies

im so pleased to hear your heart is ok n you dont need to see the specialist now. thats just great news. i was so sad when i read you didnt think you would be here at christmas, you just make sure you have the best one ever. lots of love to you.

i still have most side affects unfortunately. doctor thinks they wont go til i finish treatment now. i didnt realise that herceptin stops you from healing. my legs are much better than on chemo but still hurt. i get about though. its my arms that stop me now. right one from meds n left from op n fluid build up. ive got lymphadema in my op boob which is really sore n swollen but it goes round to my shoulder blade. got to go back to the nurse n get it massaged. trial nurse told me i have 3 treatments left n then i can start healing. cant wait for my nose to heal along with the rest of my body.

i went to see my bc nurse today as i didnt get any answers from the doctor(he said pain was from chemo). she is so good at her job n told me what was wrong n what to do. i told her about my wonky boobs n there was a lady doing fittings n i got a new boob today! im so chuffed with it. the first time with even boobs. sorry caz, i dont mean to be insensitive. i hope you got some answers today n they can start to make you feel better.

hope all you ladies are doing well. littlesis i hope you get your app soon, i think its time for someone to give you a hand. then you can go on your 2 holidays n show that rat of a husband you dont need him in your life. survivor you look so good in your pic. didnt look half as good when i went to mine but felt heaps better. tony, let us know when you are feeling well enough next year. lots of love to you.

love leonie xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi all been catching upon u all

dizzy love the pics i too have mucked about with fun wigs scarfs and more make up but dnot look as good as u pics fab u have inspired me to do hair journey album to i think it will be something to look back on when this is over to see how far we come xxxx

Littlesis u have had so much to contend with but the girls are right conselling will help u see light and give u new start please remember we are all here for u xxxxbig massive hugxx

rose- so glad u feeling bit better have fantastic xmasxxx

lonie so sorry u having all these side affects hope u get all the help u need thinking of u xxx

caz so glad to hear from u like everyone eles was worried hope u got some answers xxxxxx

sara how u doing ?xxx

tony hope all well with u xxx

to everyone eles thinkin of u

i had my 5th chemo of 6 on monday feel bit rubbish today but dertermined to get organised for xmas cant wait for it to be over and say good riddance to 2010!!! my eldest comes back from liverpool at week end (weather permitting_)so looking forward to seeing her want them all to have fab xmas after all we have been thru xxx love and hugs to all xxxxxxxxxx

Hi everyone,  As always you inspire me. I love the look chemochick, perhaps i should be a bit braver and try some makeup, and hey, I will even post pics. Lets start a trend. So lovely to hear from you caz although I am so sorry to hear you are still having a rough time. Gosh I could say something to each and everyone of you but I'd be here all night!  I have my 3rd chemo tomorrow - and hope to change the meds. Last time i felt so miserable, not suicidal but so low that i had real concerns. The funny thing is it does say that that is one of the side effects, and the anti nauesua drugs says nausea is one of the side effects. Mmmmm ?

Having trouble sleeping lately too, but seem to have lifted the depression a little. Got my daughter over tomorrow - only last week i had a down day when she came and hardly saw her, this time looks like i will be either asleep or a zombie, it is five past five in the morning right now!

I just wanted to call in and say thank you to you all for always inspiring me and making me feel that i am not alone. I have mostly good days but on the bad ones it is to all of you i turn as i really do feel that only you here understand. The family are good but it is not the same as knowing someone really does understand. I have been wearing the new turban with a liner as the little stubble is still falling out, eyebrows are very thin. I haven't worn the scarfs with them yet, but thought maybe i would be brave and venture to chemo with the turban and scarf and a little makeup. I have not yet stepped outside the door without the wig! But as always, you have all inspired me and small steps i hope will lead to bigger ones. anyway, i should be thinking yipee half way through the chemo (nearly!). Radiotherapy worries me more ! The usual five weeks and then an intensive whole breast. I just wondered if anyone else had had this particualr regime.

By the way Tony, your words about bald women - I heard something similar from antoher guy in the week. Sinead O'connor - she's a beauty, so maybe there's hope! Thanks again to you all for your encouragement and sharing your experiences with me.

Love to you all, and Caz, thank you for your words, good luck at the hospital, give them hell! And we will all be thinking of you.

sara x

hi all just come on for a moan hope u dnot mind

had 5th chemo monday feel really rubbish being sick despite anti sick tabs so tired and tearful hate givin in to this, thought i had managed to fight it all way.

i want to do all xmas stuff and make it lovely for my lovely family but not able to do everything i usually can. i know everyone understands but i dnot want this i want to b my ususal manic self!!

sorry just ranting my husband is working away for few days and breaks his neck to get back for me its not fair. my daughter hates seeing her mum unwell but is so brave !i hate what this is doin i feel i am letting everyone down they all keep saying how brave and strong i am but i am not i feel weak and stupid for not being able to keep goin !!i know chemo is nearly over but i want it finished xx

sorry to go on but i dnot want to do this to family and friends xx

thanks to u all for being there xx

love and hugs nina xxxxx

Hi All.

I know I pop up here, now and again with odd comments, but reading the various posts about hair loss, make up etc, reminded me of a major turning point with my partner, Sarah's "look" during and after chemo.

Firstly she was(and still is) nutty and will try anything. She wore the 70s "stuff" in the 70s, in the 80 big hair, head bands, leg warmers, rolled up sleeves and so on took over the look over. These changes carried on. Changes here and there. Then the news of breast cancer last year, then the op, chemo and her hair fell out. She thought her world had fallen apart. She had hats and mad colour scarfs, as posted about earlier, but one day we were in a waiting room, flicking through various mags and she came across a photo of fashion model Amber Rose. She banged the mag on my lap and said "see that. I'm going for it!"

Sarah is not 6 foot tall, but boy did she grab the inspiration. Have a look ladies. Please. It might give you an idea or two.

Remember also the "Look good feel better" program!

Take care.

RD

http://amber-rose.org/gallery/

Hi everyone!

Uhmm interesting topic...like everyone here..mine is secondary breast cancer spread in the pleural of my lovely lungs! I had chemo 2 years ago and my gud feelings thinks i will have more next year.Is a tough journey for everyone...partners,family, friends...I just hope they find a cure for every single cancer. I dont call it cancer ..i call it..."small C", Is so many topics that i can talk about this subject from trying to find a new job living with small c, to check ups and ct scans, hormone medications, etc I am a fighter like everyone here..but sometimes we have blue days....We need to keep being positive guys and I think this is why i coming here too..doesnt matter if i get scared of the b c words...I thinking to start to write a diary but i am lazy...at least for the past 6 months but i am going to try to back to be the active person that i was before...will see....

Hi Nina and girls,

It seems like things are getting on top of us all.Nina you sound like a mirror image of me at the moment.Christmas is my thing,I am like a child and I love it but I am sitting on the settee in my P,J,s because dressing takes up too much energy chomping at the bit .I know I cant expect more as 10 days ago I had emergency heart procedure but I find it soooooooooooo hard to slow down,even after 3 1/2 years of this.We really must be kinder to ourselves and accept these changes but it is so difficult.

Have you tried changing the anti sickness tabs?There are a few different ones and be sure to take them before because they dont work once the sickness has started.,which sorry you probably know.I hate what I am doing to my family as well,I want to be helping my daughter with the grandchildren while she goes shopping but I cant even lift the one year old.But we will all get there.Poor Lonie has been going through terrible symptoms since i can remember.being on here/

We must all get ready for a joint Christmas drink at a set time over Christmas and dont feel bad about coming on here and ranting ,it is why we are all here and as you say it takes the pressure off family.

I hope you get your meds sorted,it drags you down so much feeling low all the time.

Good luck to all lovely ladies.

Rose xxx

Hello and welcome to the place no-one wants to be.

Have you tried writing a blog.If you go onto other topics i will try to bring it to the top .It is really helpful to read and keep note of what you have gone through.Are you on treatment now?

Keep posting .

Rose xxx