Hi everyone its been a long time since Ive been on AGAIN because the computer has been playing up AGAIN and its made me very  . could do with a new one but this time of year its an expense we can't afford! I've been reading back a few posts but it will take me forever to catch up so wondered if you could all just update me on how you are all doing!! Its lovely to be back in the community I've been on a bit of a rollercoaster last two months and am waiting for the straight jacket to arrive lol!! Seriously does anyone else get really angry!! My anger has been uncontrollable at times with me even smashing a wall and it has really upset me!!

Please be intouch

LOTS AND LOTS OF LOVE TO YOU ALL

Louise

Hi Louise

Sorry to hear you are having problems with your computer and your emotions.I dont get angry because I find it just leaves me feeling worse in the long run,plus my last treatment has damaged my heart so at the moment I cant get stressed.Waiting to see the heart specialist in 2 weeks and when he gives me a magic pill I will be fine.You have been through so much for so long.Can you have some sort of therapy or a massage or reiki treatment to help?Being on here should help to unload so rant away and let us help.No more wall hitting!!!

Stay strong

Rose xx

Hi Colly

What a nightmare you've had getting to and from hospital the snow is lovely but when its stops the country in its tracks it can be so stressful!! You could have done with a hot toddy! I haven't had radio how  is itmaking you feel and will all your treatment be complete when this is done? You will be able to start 2011 off as you mean to go on. I should have had an injection at my GPs last week but it was cancelled because of the snow but they said they didn't have it anyway had I got it which I hadn't so rebooked my apptment for yesterday and phoned me again to say the injection had not arrived I was so annoyed (but not to the anger stage!!) Im suppose to have it the same time every month so I will be two weeks late and when things like this happen I get so worried! Anyway I've decided I amgoing to get the injection from the hospital and my partner was shown how to do it so he might do the next one - just another thing for me to hav a go at him about haha

Take care

Love Lou

PS would you be up for a meeting next year

Hi Rose how are you today ok I hope.

You are an inspiration as I have said before and personally I am always encouraged by the replys you make to me. aTake care and a big hug

Nina and Sara I don't think I have said a personal hello tou you since you started postin so HELLO. I'm so glad that we all have each other. We are all at different stages in our journeys but it is so nice to share the good and the bad times on here don't you think.

If there is anyone else I have missed I will get you next time big hugs to you all and keep in touch as much as you can over this festive period!! Lets all have a good Christmas and a good start to 2011

Did anyone see me  saying about a possible meeting up next year Let us know what you think

Love Lou

hi all

hope things going ok lee i have border collie called Bella we have only had her 2 years she is rescue dog (was abandoned on a road the a27 !! she is fantastic and on my bad days we cuddle up on the sofa!)

I am ok this week my mum has been over (she lives in jersey thats where i am from ) it hard for her to see me on my chemo week but at least she can see iam ok after . we are going to jersey for christmas the first time in 20 years . bella is coming on ferry hope she ok she is a wimp xx

i cant wait for chemo to be over only 2 more to go. i hate seeing my family worry so much about me hate the way it makes me feel .

my husband has very stressful job and wish i could make homelife stress free

i am really looking forward to christmas if this has taught me anything its enjoy life !!

i went on work xmas do last week i wasnt looking forward to it but it was lovely everyone said i looked well and they love the wig its better than my real hair and they said it makes me look younger!bloody cheek!! looks like i will have to have it like that when grows. we have another xmas do 2morrow posh frock black tie thing hope me wig holds up !!

colly u inspired me to have my eyelashes done and it really helps make u feel better i have some but bit thin ,i know they might all go but this should help me get thru party season without looking too scary!!

take care all according to caz blog updated begining of nov she was still struggling hope she is ok.

hi to u too lou (god iam a poet !!)like u sos sos glad we have eachother would be up to meet not sure where every one is from i live on south coast near bognor regis xx

love and hugs nina xxxxxx

hi nina

how can people just abandon there pets like that makes me wonder and it really annoys me, but by the sounds of it  you and she seem to be meant for each other, you certainly are right about what the chemo does to you cos i have just finished my first dose of it and i can say i did not expect to feel like i did but i am fine now so hopefully the next treatment which starts on the 18th dec will be a bit easier to handle but at the end of the day you have to have it so,we will just have to grin and bear it, as it happens i have my works nite out to look forward to this weekend as well so i am looking forward to that and seeing the lads i work with and letting them see that there is plenty life left in me yet,so enjoy your night out and have a lovely xmas and hopefully a happy new year.

   jeff alias (dad1929)

Hi Lou,

Getting there bit by bit thanks.

I had to have injections and my husband was shown how to do them but I ended up doing it myself.Poor thing he either did it too fast or something and i gave him grief so i found i could gauge it better myself.If you pinch the skin on your leg while you put the needle in you cant feel it.

I am in Wales so we will have make a map of where everyone is.

Stay warm and take care.

Rose xxx

Hi everyone,

Had such a bad day today - I thought I'd got these things out of my system, but i really can't cope with the hair loss. It's not just the looking in the mirror, its the wig, it is so damn itchy, rides up at the back (odd shape head as hats do too) looks strange without natural side burns and the already very fine and light coloured eyebrows are thinning.Wisps of white sit on my head and itch constantly regardless of creams and caps.  I just cried and cried today and yet my baby daughter came to see me and i was not good company. I went on line and ordered two turbans with matching scarves as the headwear i have is both uncomfy and really looks awful,i thought maybe if i wear them indoors i won't feel so naked and vunerable, and will have made an effort. (let's hope the colours match my outfits!) so far, whatever i do, It just looks like i have no hair and am covering up. Look better feel great have a very long waiting list and i just don't have the money to go out and buy new makeup or head accessories. I thought I'd be okay but I am ashamed to say, the hair loss is taking over my life and making me so damn miserable. Please anyone- how did you cope? Somedays i am ok, but with a sore mouth the tooth stays out too so I feel really miserable. The other half has been great, but i just cant shake this depressed feeling. I have to say it has made me think of Caz again, i now really do think i can go someway to saying i know how she feels. I don't feel too bad on the chemo, i have a lot to be thankful for, I just don't know how to make things better. I try not to moan but this keeps happening and i have run out of ideas.

love to all

sara

You poor thing,I think we all find something that really bugs us through this,with me I didnt mind the hair but I hated the eyelashes going.It made my face look like a boiled egg.You could try  www.headcovers.com/t/scarves  as they sell hats with hair.I have not tried them personally but they look good.I bought. a few hats but never wore them because as you say they look wierd without any side hair.The main thing is dont beat yourself up about feeling like this,its all fine being told to stay positive and people are worse than you but the thing is this is a cr*p time,it is not how we want our lives to be and lovely as everyone is on here we would all rather not know anything about this site.You WILL feel better but allow yourself to grieve,in a day or two you will laugh about it all again.

Go out and build a snowman and pelt him with snowballs !!!!!

Good luck sweetheart.

Rose xxx

Hi everybody, just an update on myself lol. Thats me finished 2nd week of radiotherapy, 4 more to go, got my infills done in my eyelashes, its costing me a fortune but I dont care. Sarah, I so know what you are going through, losing my gorgeous hair was the worst for me, then when my lashes and brows started to go, I felt so ugly, when I looked in the mirror I looked like my dad lol, he was baldy too, wearing my wig is the worst think for me as it itched and itched and I was also getting a sore neck as i was turning my head to the side in an abnormal way as i was scared the wig would fall off, i hate it. I now wear mine with these little knitted head bands with the corsage attached, you can get them in primark, new look, ebay etc, think they call them ski head bands, it covers the wig but not at top, which isnt as hot, Im taking hot flushes, so when wearing wig, i feel as tho im going to combust lol, sometimes i just feel like ripping it off and throwing it away, infact yest john was driving and i was in passanger street and roasting, so took it off, i felt as tho passing cars were looking at me, but hey ho, i dont care. My hair is coming through really quickly, but its getting thick instead of long if that makes sense, ive been dying my hair for years, so its funny to see such dark hair, with little silvery flecks, cant wait to colour it. Sarah all i can say is be patient, ive actually had to shave my legs and bikini line recently and i had nothing there lol, it doesnt take long, my chemo finished in oct and by jan im hoping to have my hair coloured and cut into a rally funky crop, Im not gonna lie to you, hair loss was the worst for me and still is, chin up.

Have a great weekend everyone, having a chinese meal in tonight as its my daughters birthday and then got a meal out tomor nte for my partners nephews birthday then next sat its my birthday, then 23 my partners sisters birthday, then xmas, its all go go go.

Colly xx

Hi Ladies.

Hair:

When my partner's hair started dropping out she went in to a panic. We did the wig shop bit. It was probably the most emotional time of her entire treatment! Looked at the dear ones. and some crazy expensive ones too! Ended up buying two..... Fancy dress wigs. One a black bob that I called "The Interview Wig" because it looked formal. One bright electric blue. £7.99 a pop. She used the black one to go under hats and scarves. The blue one was just mad! She pulled both ideas off and looked stunning. Also  went for scarves but looked at various ways of tying them. Bought some good colours too. All cheap. couple of quid from the market. They became an accessory to what she was wearing, rather than a starting point. Black & Silver stars, reds, blues and so on.

Be adventurous! Take it on.

She said one thing as her hair grew back that was amazing. "you know what?..... I should have made more of the scarf thing. it was fun!" She has the most amazing spirit. Eight months clear now and complaining about the cost of haircuts!!! I did laugh.

Hi Runningdrums, I personally think it takes a very special kind of person to pull off fancy dress wigs and funky scarves and unfortunately im not one of those people, i dont like people looking at me when wearing scarves and feeling sorry for me,whilst wearing the scarves i think it makes you look like a cancer patient, during summer months i wore funky little skip hats from monsoon, i must admit i spent a lot on little hats, good on your partner for having the guts to do it. Colly x

Hi Runningdrums, I personally think it takes a very special kind of person to pull off fancy dress wigs and funky scarves and unfortunately im not one of those people, i dont like people looking at me when wearing scarves and feeling sorry for me,whilst wearing the scarves i think it makes you look like a cancer patient, during summer months i wore funky little skip hats from monsoon, i must admit i spent a lot on little hats, good on your partner for having the guts to do it. Colly x

Colly

Im so excited to hear your hair is coming through you must put a picture up when you have a funky haircut after christmas, you know whilst this has probably been the worst year of my life I can honestly say I feel truly blessed to have found you ladies and gents, you have all helped me through my dark times and made me smile when things got too bad, I just want to take this opportunity to thankyou all so very much from the bottom of my heart.

Lots of love Lee xx

hi all

Just to chip in with the current thread  Sara dnot be so hard on yourself we all worry about our looks but think about it we all stressed out before not realising how lucky we were !!

Lee is so right how u see yourself is really not how others see u i went to work do last week i was so self conscious by time i left i felt realy good everyone was so complimentry and caring

focus on other area get family and friends to get u some nice make up or smellies or face cream for christmas (there r loads of offers out there it really does help

look in the back of your make up drawer and find that eye shadow palette that u never used and try some new colours ! this is a time we can do what we want !!

we r all so with u on this

girls on selfish note although i have 2 more chemos my hair seems to b growing a bit its furry and too much grey for my liking but should i shave it so that it better quality later ?i am scared in case it itchy ??it looks very very odd when it does come back i will be coluring it as soon as able !!

i so agree u lot r such a life line we are all very cool people we can do this

love and hugs xxxxx

nina

ps tryin to be brave goin to black tie xmas party 2nite long dress the works very nervous about it !1but i am going to do this!!wish me luck will let u know xxx

Right back at you Lee You have given so much lovely advice on here,I can remember your first post and you have never failed to be a constant source of help and lifted everyones spirits time after time.Some people touch our lives and some touch our hearts and you are certainly the latter.

Thank you for being you

Rose xx

Hi Nina

in truth i dont know what to advise about the hair, as you still have two more chemo's left I think you may aswell leave it alone and see how it is at the end of it all, the soft fuzz it what I have now but I believe it is just part of the growing process and dont believe that it will grow any faster by shaving it off, but that is just my opinion,do you have a wig cap ?its like a pop sock for your head, it helps a lot with the itchy feeling you can buy them online or from any reputable wig shop, good luck for your black tie night Im sure you will look stunning.

Lots of love lee xx

God bless you Rose, your words humble me xxxxxxxxx

Hi Colly and Sarah. My lowest moment was when i lost my hair, eyebrows eyelashes etc but now i look back and realise my hair loss was one of my defining moments. I tried the wigs but like you say they can get itchy, i wore a lot of scarves, cheap ones from Primark or off the market and didn't tie them too elaborately - that can look a bit like 'I've got cancer' A lot of people thought I was just wearing scarves as a fashion accessory and had no idea that I was having chemo or had no hair. Have a look at my album called My Hair Journey in these photos only one picture is of my real hair, even the black hair is a wig (a £7.99 party wig at that!!) As for the cost of chemo chic, well as I said I bought all my stuff from cheap shops at no more than £2 for a scarf, which meant I could have lots to match all my outfits. I know you say you can't afford make up, but have you heard of Look Good Feel Better? It's a national charity supported by the cosmetics industry, they run workshops at most hospitals and you get to have a complete makeover and experiment with loads of products. they hlep you to make the most of your new look and at the end of the day you take home about £400 worth of cosmetics all free! This photo is me after my makeover,

I had no eyebrows and only one or two lashes but felt like a million dollars. That was the only time I wore my scarf plaited round my head but I still think I looked great and I know I felt wonderful. We all need a confidence boost, so have an experiement at Chemo Chic and try a few things out, you might be surprised and like me find that you quite like your new look!! If you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask me as this is a real passion of mine - I've been there, I know how it feels but I know that I overcame it too. Hope it helps and lots of love xx

[[]]

You should enter that photo into a contest!

Hello

As you have probably guessed by now, I am having a really hard time at the moment

Sara.... I do know how you feel honey, no matter what anybody tells me, I feel like a total freak, my hair is short (I know I'm lucky to still have hair) I have two horrible scars on my chest where my breasts should be, one side i have a dent and the other side is swollen and the hospital keeps fobbing me off...... I got so low that the doctor has sent me for counciling.... I've only been twice, but they made me realise that I am allowed to give myself a break...

Allow yourself to cry Sara, allow yourself to feel sorry for yourself.... you have been through so much and it's taken a toll on your mind and spirit as well as your body.

Breast cancer seems to take away our femininity, and we seem to spend all the time trying to find a way to feel feminine.......... the most feminine thing we can do is sit and cry,.... let it all out and things will seem a little better... only a little better at first...... but better none the less...... crying is the most girliest thing we can do..... You don't always have to be strong..... run a nice hot bath, put some lovely bubbles in, light a few candles, go and soak and cry your eyes out for what you have lost.... it works.... trust me, I've spent alot of time in the bath recently.

I am having a lot of personal problems at the moment which I will explain when I understand them myself

I am at the hospital tomorrow and this time i am going to get some answers...... if this was my daughter this was happening to, and 12 weeks after a double masectomy she suddenly got a swelling on one side, and the doctors said, we dont think it's anything to worry about and we don't think it's worth scanning and then sent her home... I would hit the roof and demand answers........ So why cant I do this for myself...... So tomorrow I hit the roof and demand answers

I am worth it too

I will come back and let you all know what they say

Hello to everybody else............ sorry I've not been around much, but I will be from now on

Love caz xxx

Dinky,

Absolutely stunning...I just looked at the facebook gallery and you look great...As an ex skinhead, I have a thing for ladies with shaved heads which some may think is a bit weird but hey each to their own. Those wigs are amazing too! My hair as a bloke has started to fall out although not so you would notice and I would love to know what to do...I tried a baseball cap on the other day but it just didn't look right so will have a look about...I cant see me wearing a wig.

Lee,

I love your photo, never got round to telling you that but I have now x

Leonie,

Yes I am certain I would be most offended if you all met up and didn't invite me along too...I live in Matlock but now I have a new sporty motorbike will make the excuse to go anywhere for a bit of a trip!

Caroline,

You really are struggling darling...imagine us all around you giving you a big group hug soaking up all our energy and making you feel better...make sure you comeon here and talk more so we can try and help you through this.

Much Love to all you stunning ladies out there...

Tony xxx

Hi Everyone

Firstly I would like to say I am glad we have heard from you Caroline, I was so worried as you have not been on for a while and you always use to post on here. I am so sorry you are going through a bad time I know you have not had it easy, if there is anything I can do please let me know as we are all here for you to rant at if that is what you feel like doing. PLEASE let us know how you get on tomorrow. Like Tony has said imagine we are all giving you a VERY BIG HUG.

Tony glad to see you are writing on here again, I was getting a little worried about you, how are things going I do miss our chats lol.

Dinky you look fab in your photo the scarf really suits you, I would never of been brave enough to put a picture on here as I was really down when I lost my hair, eyebrows etc but now they are all coming back as I finished Chemo in October but I do understand how we all feel when we have lost it as it is what we think makes us as a woman.

Well I have had to contact my breast nurse today as over the weekend I was really down just crying for no reason, I think now that my treatment has finished it has finally hit me and what with my marriage break-up during my treatment it was like I have had a double wammy so I think it may be time to speak to somebody, wish I had done it sooner really. Just sitting here I could cry and I know they say it's a good thing to do but how much can you do it but not feel any better. I will let you know how I get on as it might help a few other's who knows.

Well take care everyone and speak to you soon

Love to you all

Littlesis