Hi everyone its been a long time since Ive been on AGAIN because the computer has been playing up AGAIN and its made me very  . could do with a new one but this time of year its an expense we can't afford! I've been reading back a few posts but it will take me forever to catch up so wondered if you could all just update me on how you are all doing!! Its lovely to be back in the community I've been on a bit of a rollercoaster last two months and am waiting for the straight jacket to arrive lol!! Seriously does anyone else get really angry!! My anger has been uncontrollable at times with me even smashing a wall and it has really upset me!!

Please be intouch

LOTS AND LOTS OF LOVE TO YOU ALL

Louise

Hi Louise

Sorry to hear you are having problems with your computer and your emotions.I dont get angry because I find it just leaves me feeling worse in the long run,plus my last treatment has damaged my heart so at the moment I cant get stressed.Waiting to see the heart specialist in 2 weeks and when he gives me a magic pill I will be fine.You have been through so much for so long.Can you have some sort of therapy or a massage or reiki treatment to help?Being on here should help to unload so rant away and let us help.No more wall hitting!!!

Stay strong

Rose xx

You should enter that photo into a contest!

Hello

As you have probably guessed by now, I am having a really hard time at the moment

Sara.... I do know how you feel honey, no matter what anybody tells me, I feel like a total freak, my hair is short (I know I'm lucky to still have hair) I have two horrible scars on my chest where my breasts should be, one side i have a dent and the other side is swollen and the hospital keeps fobbing me off...... I got so low that the doctor has sent me for counciling.... I've only been twice, but they made me realise that I am allowed to give myself a break...

Allow yourself to cry Sara, allow yourself to feel sorry for yourself.... you have been through so much and it's taken a toll on your mind and spirit as well as your body.

Breast cancer seems to take away our femininity, and we seem to spend all the time trying to find a way to feel feminine.......... the most feminine thing we can do is sit and cry,.... let it all out and things will seem a little better... only a little better at first...... but better none the less...... crying is the most girliest thing we can do..... You don't always have to be strong..... run a nice hot bath, put some lovely bubbles in, light a few candles, go and soak and cry your eyes out for what you have lost.... it works.... trust me, I've spent alot of time in the bath recently.

I am having a lot of personal problems at the moment which I will explain when I understand them myself

I am at the hospital tomorrow and this time i am going to get some answers...... if this was my daughter this was happening to, and 12 weeks after a double masectomy she suddenly got a swelling on one side, and the doctors said, we dont think it's anything to worry about and we don't think it's worth scanning and then sent her home... I would hit the roof and demand answers........ So why cant I do this for myself...... So tomorrow I hit the roof and demand answers

I am worth it too

I will come back and let you all know what they say

Hello to everybody else............ sorry I've not been around much, but I will be from now on

Love caz xxx

Dinky,

Absolutely stunning...I just looked at the facebook gallery and you look great...As an ex skinhead, I have a thing for ladies with shaved heads which some may think is a bit weird but hey each to their own. Those wigs are amazing too! My hair as a bloke has started to fall out although not so you would notice and I would love to know what to do...I tried a baseball cap on the other day but it just didn't look right so will have a look about...I cant see me wearing a wig.

Lee,

I love your photo, never got round to telling you that but I have now x

Leonie,

Yes I am certain I would be most offended if you all met up and didn't invite me along too...I live in Matlock but now I have a new sporty motorbike will make the excuse to go anywhere for a bit of a trip!

Caroline,

You really are struggling darling...imagine us all around you giving you a big group hug soaking up all our energy and making you feel better...make sure you comeon here and talk more so we can try and help you through this.

Much Love to all you stunning ladies out there...

Tony xxx

Hi Everyone

Firstly I would like to say I am glad we have heard from you Caroline, I was so worried as you have not been on for a while and you always use to post on here. I am so sorry you are going through a bad time I know you have not had it easy, if there is anything I can do please let me know as we are all here for you to rant at if that is what you feel like doing. PLEASE let us know how you get on tomorrow. Like Tony has said imagine we are all giving you a VERY BIG HUG.

Tony glad to see you are writing on here again, I was getting a little worried about you, how are things going I do miss our chats lol.

Dinky you look fab in your photo the scarf really suits you, I would never of been brave enough to put a picture on here as I was really down when I lost my hair, eyebrows etc but now they are all coming back as I finished Chemo in October but I do understand how we all feel when we have lost it as it is what we think makes us as a woman.

Well I have had to contact my breast nurse today as over the weekend I was really down just crying for no reason, I think now that my treatment has finished it has finally hit me and what with my marriage break-up during my treatment it was like I have had a double wammy so I think it may be time to speak to somebody, wish I had done it sooner really. Just sitting here I could cry and I know they say it's a good thing to do but how much can you do it but not feel any better. I will let you know how I get on as it might help a few other's who knows.

Well take care everyone and speak to you soon

Love to you all

Littlesis

love the photo very chemo chic

Hi Dinky

You look amazing in the photo an insperation to every one.

Thanks for sharing it

Luckyus

hi rose n ladies

im so pleased to hear your heart is ok n you dont need to see the specialist now. thats just great news. i was so sad when i read you didnt think you would be here at christmas, you just make sure you have the best one ever. lots of love to you.

i still have most side affects unfortunately. doctor thinks they wont go til i finish treatment now. i didnt realise that herceptin stops you from healing. my legs are much better than on chemo but still hurt. i get about though. its my arms that stop me now. right one from meds n left from op n fluid build up. ive got lymphadema in my op boob which is really sore n swollen but it goes round to my shoulder blade. got to go back to the nurse n get it massaged. trial nurse told me i have 3 treatments left n then i can start healing. cant wait for my nose to heal along with the rest of my body.

i went to see my bc nurse today as i didnt get any answers from the doctor(he said pain was from chemo). she is so good at her job n told me what was wrong n what to do. i told her about my wonky boobs n there was a lady doing fittings n i got a new boob today! im so chuffed with it. the first time with even boobs. sorry caz, i dont mean to be insensitive. i hope you got some answers today n they can start to make you feel better.

hope all you ladies are doing well. littlesis i hope you get your app soon, i think its time for someone to give you a hand. then you can go on your 2 holidays n show that rat of a husband you dont need him in your life. survivor you look so good in your pic. didnt look half as good when i went to mine but felt heaps better. tony, let us know when you are feeling well enough next year. lots of love to you.

love leonie xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi all been catching upon u all

dizzy love the pics i too have mucked about with fun wigs scarfs and more make up but dnot look as good as u pics fab u have inspired me to do hair journey album to i think it will be something to look back on when this is over to see how far we come xxxx

Littlesis u have had so much to contend with but the girls are right conselling will help u see light and give u new start please remember we are all here for u xxxxbig massive hugxx

rose- so glad u feeling bit better have fantastic xmasxxx

lonie so sorry u having all these side affects hope u get all the help u need thinking of u xxx

caz so glad to hear from u like everyone eles was worried hope u got some answers xxxxxx

sara how u doing ?xxx

tony hope all well with u xxx

to everyone eles thinkin of u

i had my 5th chemo of 6 on monday feel bit rubbish today but dertermined to get organised for xmas cant wait for it to be over and say good riddance to 2010!!! my eldest comes back from liverpool at week end (weather permitting_)so looking forward to seeing her want them all to have fab xmas after all we have been thru xxx love and hugs to all xxxxxxxxxx

Hi everyone,  As always you inspire me. I love the look chemochick, perhaps i should be a bit braver and try some makeup, and hey, I will even post pics. Lets start a trend. So lovely to hear from you caz although I am so sorry to hear you are still having a rough time. Gosh I could say something to each and everyone of you but I'd be here all night!  I have my 3rd chemo tomorrow - and hope to change the meds. Last time i felt so miserable, not suicidal but so low that i had real concerns. The funny thing is it does say that that is one of the side effects, and the anti nauesua drugs says nausea is one of the side effects. Mmmmm ?

Having trouble sleeping lately too, but seem to have lifted the depression a little. Got my daughter over tomorrow - only last week i had a down day when she came and hardly saw her, this time looks like i will be either asleep or a zombie, it is five past five in the morning right now!

I just wanted to call in and say thank you to you all for always inspiring me and making me feel that i am not alone. I have mostly good days but on the bad ones it is to all of you i turn as i really do feel that only you here understand. The family are good but it is not the same as knowing someone really does understand. I have been wearing the new turban with a liner as the little stubble is still falling out, eyebrows are very thin. I haven't worn the scarfs with them yet, but thought maybe i would be brave and venture to chemo with the turban and scarf and a little makeup. I have not yet stepped outside the door without the wig! But as always, you have all inspired me and small steps i hope will lead to bigger ones. anyway, i should be thinking yipee half way through the chemo (nearly!). Radiotherapy worries me more ! The usual five weeks and then an intensive whole breast. I just wondered if anyone else had had this particualr regime.

By the way Tony, your words about bald women - I heard something similar from antoher guy in the week. Sinead O'connor - she's a beauty, so maybe there's hope! Thanks again to you all for your encouragement and sharing your experiences with me.

Love to you all, and Caz, thank you for your words, good luck at the hospital, give them hell! And we will all be thinking of you.

sara x

hi all just come on for a moan hope u dnot mind

had 5th chemo monday feel really rubbish being sick despite anti sick tabs so tired and tearful hate givin in to this, thought i had managed to fight it all way.

i want to do all xmas stuff and make it lovely for my lovely family but not able to do everything i usually can. i know everyone understands but i dnot want this i want to b my ususal manic self!!

sorry just ranting my husband is working away for few days and breaks his neck to get back for me its not fair. my daughter hates seeing her mum unwell but is so brave !i hate what this is doin i feel i am letting everyone down they all keep saying how brave and strong i am but i am not i feel weak and stupid for not being able to keep goin !!i know chemo is nearly over but i want it finished xx

sorry to go on but i dnot want to do this to family and friends xx

thanks to u all for being there xx

love and hugs nina xxxxx

hi all just come on for a moan hope u dnot mind

had 5th chemo monday feel really rubbish being sick despite anti sick tabs so tired and tearful hate givin in to this, thought i had managed to fight it all way.

i want to do all xmas stuff and make it lovely for my lovely family but not able to do everything i usually can. i know everyone understands but i dnot want this i want to b my ususal manic self!!

sorry just ranting my husband is working away for few days and breaks his neck to get back for me its not fair. my daughter hates seeing her mum unwell but is so brave !i hate what this is doin i feel i am letting everyone down they all keep saying how brave and strong i am but i am not i feel weak and stupid for not being able to keep goin !!i know chemo is nearly over but i want it finished xx

sorry to go on but i dnot want to do this to family and friends xx

thanks to u all for being there xx

love and hugs nina xxxxx

Hi Nina and girls,

It seems like things are getting on top of us all.Nina you sound like a mirror image of me at the moment.Christmas is my thing,I am like a child and I love it but I am sitting on the settee in my P,J,s because dressing takes up too much energy chomping at the bit .I know I cant expect more as 10 days ago I had emergency heart procedure but I find it soooooooooooo hard to slow down,even after 3 1/2 years of this.We really must be kinder to ourselves and accept these changes but it is so difficult.

Have you tried changing the anti sickness tabs?There are a few different ones and be sure to take them before because they dont work once the sickness has started.,which sorry you probably know.I hate what I am doing to my family as well,I want to be helping my daughter with the grandchildren while she goes shopping but I cant even lift the one year old.But we will all get there.Poor Lonie has been going through terrible symptoms since i can remember.being on here/

We must all get ready for a joint Christmas drink at a set time over Christmas and dont feel bad about coming on here and ranting ,it is why we are all here and as you say it takes the pressure off family.

I hope you get your meds sorted,it drags you down so much feeling low all the time.

Good luck to all lovely ladies.

Rose xxx

Happy birthday tomorrow Colly,Make it a good one.

You could try aloe vera after sun on the redness,i found it worked well.

Rose xx

Hi Rose, its sat my birthday, but thanks very much. I did mention using aloe vera but hosp really against it, they only want me using simple soap and aqueous creme, until at least 2 weeks after treatment is finished, cant believe how quickly my treatment has went by, im blessed to have been in touch with so many nece people on this forum xxx

hi nina

just wanted to say no 5 was my worst time, n was when i started this page. so glad i did. it might help if you go back to the beginning of this thread. it might help you understand more about the way you are feeling. wish i had a magic wand. or a cure would do!

feeling sad myself n fed up with it all n bit teary. n my chemo finished months ago. roll on january n the end of chemo.

lots of love leonie xxxx

Hi Colly

many happy returns for tomorrow, hope you get to celebrate in style, dont forget to post a pic when you get your first hair cut, its so exciting hearing how well you are doing, and dont feel guilty because this site is not just to share our sorrows, we all love to hear how well people are doing as it gives everyone hope, god bless you and may you have a wonderful christmas xxxxxxxx

Hi Lee, Thanks babe, going to have a fairly quiet birthday with John, his sis and her husban, just a chinese in house and a few drinks as John on his works night out tonight so doubt he'll be in any state to do much more tomor nite lol. As soon as my hair is cut and coloured I'll post a pic. Merry Xmas and Happy New Year. Colette xx

Lonie,

You do have a magic wand...it is this forum...you started this thread and it is helping us all in their hundreds....thank-you.

Sara.. yes there are loads of beautiful baldies out there, you only have to look at Lee, Tinks and Shents pictures...also remember star-trek, Yes Sinead O'Connor, Demi Moore, Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) and African Mersi tribes woman who's culture is to have a bald head and who look perfectly natural and beautiful (although the disk in the bottom lip is not my thing)... It is the confidence and strength to just say I am Bald and proud, no different to blokes that lose their hair and lose confidence...shave it off I say and just don't have a comb-over... I hope no one takes offence at my words as absolutely none intended, after all I am just a bloke and what do I know...

Scoffy, try a blog...

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Much Love to all,

Tony xxxx

awwww Tony, you cheered me up absolutely no end! I not only looked at my little stubble this mornng but found as mad as it sounds, without so much eyebrow now it actually looks ok. I went to the hospital with my snoody type hat over my beanie - that really was a first - i am never seen without the wig outside my four walls.

I booked look better- but looks like i won't get a place untl March. I am inpatient too, but never mind, i find my inspiration here and i am just so amazed at how we all complain about our appearance. yet, when i flicked back through here today, i saw so many beautiful faces. It made me realise how true what you all say is. it isn't until the superficial is removed- long glorious hair and eyelashes that we see the real person,  and oh boy just as beautiful on the outside as on the inside.

It was snowing at the hospital friday, mike came back in with a white snow cap and did make me giggle. How lovely though to be driving with large blizzard snow flakes reflecting off the christmas lights. shame it causes so much disruption, hope you are all coping ok.

Nina, i comletely understand how you feel, i threw a wobbly today feeling things should be done but hadn't been and then tried doing them myself to prove a point, then woosh back down to resting and exhuastion. dont be so hard on yourself, or those around you, you know how you would be behaving and reacting if you were watching and caring for seomeon in the same position as you. just know we are all here to listen and then kick your backside back into positives just like you do for all of us.

there are so many wishes and personal messages i wanted to say - but i'd be here forever and feel wooshed, so jusst wanted to say thinking of you all, love and hugs

sara xxxxxxx

Hi girls,

Invite for a cyber drink on off topic if anyone wants to join in.

Rose xxx