Hi Violetgirl,  I am so sorry to read that you feel so alone.  Cancer can be very lonely and not a place anyone of us want to be in.  I don't think anyone would judge you harshly, why would they, they are not in your shoes.  I had stage 3 cancer 13 years ago and have been battling with the after effects since then.  Finally felt like got my old life back and then diagnosed with stage 4 incurable cancer last year.  I turned 60 yesterday.  It is so hard in the beginning to accept it and wonder 'why me'.  It sounds like you could do with some support.  Do you have a Maggies centre or local support group you could contact with?  I don't really know what to say but just to let you know that you are not alone. xx

Lee x

Thank you Lee.  I am very sorry to hear that you are now stage 4......especially when it seemed that you had beaten this monster.  It is almost as if the big C enjoys toying with people doesn't it?  I really don't know what to do or say or even what to think any more............I only know that I want an end to this never-ending nightmare.  I have a very supportive family, but to tell the truth Lee, it has gone beyond that.............I simply don't have any more fight in me.  Sorry to sound like a whingeing pitiful creature, but i can't help it.  Take care Lee.

So sorry you are feeling this way.

If this happened to me, I think I would go for max amount of anti depressants and talk to my vicar about what happens next etc.However I appreciate that this approach may well not be applicable to you....

I wonder if it would also be of some comfort to me to sort out any "outstanding issues" with friends/ family/ finances etc.

Do you have anything on a bucket list that would give you some pleasure somewhere to accomplish?

I assume that fear of future pain is one of the main issues for you?  Is further discussion w the Drs worth it ? Would they be able to reassure you or has that boat sailed?  Could you get them to up the dosage of pain medication?

Have you talked to the drs about withdrawing any proactive treatment?  Would talking through this help,?

 Do keep in touch.

So sorry you are feeling this way.

If this happened to me, I think I would go for max amount of anti depressants and talk to my vicar about what happens next etc.However I appreciate that this approach may well not be applicable to you....

I wonder if it would also be of some comfort to me to sort out any "outstanding issues" with friends/ family/ finances etc.

Do you have anything on a bucket list that would give you some pleasure somewhere to accomplish?

I assume that fear of future pain is one of the main issues for you?  Is further discussion w the Drs worth it ? Would they be able to reassure you or has that boat sailed?  Could you get them to up the dosage of pain medication?

Have you talked to the drs about withdrawing any proactive treatment?  Would talking through this help,?

 Do keep in touch.