Hello Violetgirl,

having read your post l am minded of the saying, "it is not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog" We all have different limits and these can be eroded by years of struggle, and your post points too that is where you are now.

Set against that is the natural instinct for survival, so the struggle within yourself is to try to reconcile what you currently see as unachieveable which is just piling more stress, as if you needed any more, upon your person.

Your post alludes to the fact that you need to know there are others who understand how you feel and the answer would be so many, the multitude of sufferers who have had a terminal diagnosis or have faced many years of struggle with the effects of an unwanted invader.

You chose the word coward to describe yourself, l would choose the word warrior, who has fought so many battles, physically and mentally and yet cannot win their wars,. are warriors never supposed to become tired  and depressed after their many exertions? Are they only expected to fight on their own?. The reality is that they need others behind them.in order to carry the day and move forward

l remember my surgeon telling me that this is the "new you", and boy did that comment hit the nail on the head as l subsequently have found out. Fortunately l have always been blessed by the mental ability to look forward and embrace the next new day. l currently possess only one picture of myself , as a baby, the future is where l have always been going the past is where l have been.Their are varying degrees to any direction of travel to a preferred destination, recognising you can use them is the trick

Looking back to a life once enjoyed comes to us all, if only because age robs of us of the ability to return to it, treasure the memories of things past, savour the possibilities of things to come. Yes they may be different in range and scope but nonetheless can still add to the portfolio of a full and varied life.

Can l understand how you currently feel, oh yes only too well, the darkness of fear and doubt, the ally of your personal monster left behind to harrass your mind,but does it control you or will you choose to control it? and allow the light to flood back into your life again, it does not thrive in this environment and can become banished into its own unfulfilling entrapment.

Harsh judgement? --never, just the hope that you are able to find solid ground under your feet once again,  from which to move your life in a forward direction and l write this feeling and encouragement,

David

Hello Violetgirl,

having read your post l am minded of the saying, "it is not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog" We all have different limits and these can be eroded by years of struggle, and your post points too that is where you are now.

Set against that is the natural instinct for survival, so the struggle within yourself is to try to reconcile what you currently see as unachieveable which is just piling more stress, as if you needed any more, upon your person.

Your post alludes to the fact that you need to know there are others who understand how you feel and the answer would be so many, the multitude of sufferers who have had a terminal diagnosis or have faced many years of struggle with the effects of an unwanted invader.

You chose the word coward to describe yourself, l would choose the word warrior, who has fought so many battles, physically and mentally and yet cannot win their wars,. are warriors never supposed to become tired  and depressed after their many exertions? Are they only expected to fight on their own?. The reality is that they need others behind them.in order to carry the day and move forward

l remember my surgeon telling me that this is the "new you", and boy did that comment hit the nail on the head as l subsequently have found out. Fortunately l have always been blessed by the mental ability to look forward and embrace the next new day. l currently possess only one picture of myself , as a baby, the future is where l have always been going the past is where l have been.Their are varying degrees to any direction of travel to a preferred destination, recognising you can use them is the trick

Looking back to a life once enjoyed comes to us all, if only because age robs of us of the ability to return to it, treasure the memories of things past, savour the possibilities of things to come. Yes they may be different in range and scope but nonetheless can still add to the portfolio of a full and varied life.

Can l understand how you currently feel, oh yes only too well, the darkness of fear and doubt, the ally of your personal monster left behind to harrass your mind,but does it control you or will you choose to control it? and allow the light to flood back into your life again, it does not thrive in this environment and can become banished into its own unfulfilling entrapment.

Harsh judgement? --never, just the hope that you are able to find solid ground under your feet once again,  from which to move your life in a forward direction and l write this feeling and encouragement,

David