Hello,

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad and mum. I can imagine what you feeling. My mum has been diagnosed with advanced stomach cancer plus ascietes last July with poor prognosis. One doctor was giving her a month life left the other 4 months. She was devastated but this is where YOU step in. You have to be strong. Is hard but you need to do it for her. She must feel that you believe she can make it and stay positive. I thought I would be able to handle. I cried for 3 weeks every day. I was not want accept that my mum has cancer. Then is like the fight the cancer came along itself, you know why? Because person who is sick is your loved one. My mum fighting because she see we fighting with her.  This make her feel she can beat this! She knows she is not alone and others believe this can be cured. Now almost year after doctor saying that she has many years a head even wasn't looking good a year ago. Medicine plus positive thinking can make miracles. Make sure your mum have heathy nutrient diet. Her body need has to be strong to be able fight with it.  Don't worry in advance. Know is hard. I m here but my mum live in Poland and is very difficult for me cope emotionally and life day by day. I call my parents every day and we talk about cancer but I try talk about normal things, we lough and jokes so she forget for a moment about cancer. I know how hard is waiting for results. Week looks like eternity... And CT results like a death sentence ( this how my mum describe) terrifying every scan.... Wishing you and your mum strength.  Everything will ok. You have to be strong, give a cuddle, tell her you love her or just be with her, make her feel she is not alone with it. Look after yourself too. You need - for her!!!

Thanks Anna for your guidance, I hope to find the strength to be the rock she needs. When I am with her I cope and am positive but as soon as I get home it all falls apart. We have a consultant review next week so trying to remain as positive as possible x

Hi Robinsb,

A very warm welcome to our forum.

I am so sorry to hear of what you are going through and have already been through. As you already know, this is not an easy task. The main thing is to remain positive around your mum. Most of us fall apart when we get home. However, we all need a release valve, so don't worry about shedding tears in private. When your back is up against the wall like this, we somehow or other find the strength to see it through.

I lost my own mum to secondary breast cancer, which had spread to her brain, bones, liver and lungs. Sadly, it was not an easy journey for her, but I did the best that I could at that time. I have since had 2 bouts of breast cancer myself, which has given me more insight into how I might have helped her more. She will need your support in all aspects of her life and care, especially as the cancer advances. Being there for her to talk through her fears and concerns will be invaluable. Watch that she is not in pain. If she is, she may need to have her medicine topped up. You will probably be the first person to notice if this happens, as you see her frequently and probably know her better than anyone else.

I hope and pray that treatment is still an option for her and that her consultant will be able to help you both through this. You will get a better idea of what you can do to help once you have that review next week. Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on. We are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

So we have had the update, not necessarily the worst news but it’s still not great. Mums cancer is incurable. Nothing other than that - they still don’t know what the primary cancer and the consultant mentioned that it looks like bowel cancer. How can they not know?!

We haven’t been told anything about grade or stage but assuming it’s incurable I’m guessing stage 4. 

The good news - they have said they will start treatment to give us more time. We’re awaiting news on oncologist and next appointment. But again no timespan - it’s so frustrating! I feel like we are being left in the dark.

Does anyone else have experience with this? 

Hi, don't feel like there is no hope for your mum. There is. Always is.Cancer maybe Is Incurable now but is good they start treatment which could change everything. There is a lot of patients stories with stage 4 and they are still alive. After few cycles they probably review again, do CT scan. There is still a chance that cancer may stop growing and shrink and then will be curable. Every patient react different for treatment. Hope will helps your mum!!. Do you know which chemo she will has?Don't be down, have hope. We thought same about my mum, that there is no hope, a year after she is still alive and looking promissing. all doctors are impressed because her chances was down to 0. About waiting for treatment appointment is a bit ridiculous. There is no time to waste, need action now..I can understand your frustration.

Hi Robinsb,

I am sorry to hear that your mum's cancer is incurable, but take heart from the good news - that it is treatable. It can sometimes be difficult to identify the primary cancer. Perhaps they'll need to  further tests to see if it is bowel cancer. How has your mum dealt with this news? It can be difficult to take in. Did you ask for a timespan? It is always worth doing this when any further appointments or test results are due.

I hope that she gets to see the oncologist soon and can get started on treatment.

Please keep in touch and let us know how she gets on.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Mum sadly passed away on 30th Sept. I am devastated x

I'm sure Jolamine will offer her support to you soon Robinsb but in the meantime, I just wanted to let you know your post has been seen and offer you my sincerest condolences for your loss.

I can't begin to imagine what you must be going through at the moment but I hope knowing that we are here for you can be of some comfort to you at this time.

Be kind to yourself Robinsb and try to take things one day at a time. 

Kind regards,

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi Robinsb,

I am so sorry to hear this and am sending you my thoughts and my sincere sympathy. I can understand how devastated you must be feeling and expect that you must also be feeling pretty drained, having been there for your Mum throughout this time.

Do you have a nice photo of her? I found this a great help after my Mum died. I put it in a prominent place and often found myself talking to her. Do you have any support at home or from friend?. At the moment you will probably find that her final few weeks/months are foremost in your mind. These probably won't be your pleasantest memories. Try to recall the happier times too and talk about her. 

Don't forget that we are always here for you - on the bad days, as well as the good.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx