Hi, 

Hey, be a bit kinder to yourself, you are going through probably one of the most difficult times of your life.

A full on , bereft emotional meltdown

It is okay not to be okay.

We went through a similar thing several years ago with my husbands father, the 'waiting', we found was far far worse than the actual 'final'depature. It is such a strange thing, that when it does happen it is almost 'relief' . A closure or one episode and the start of another.

i am struggling here to find the words to' describe ' how it felt and how we all 'coped' ( whatever that looks like)

Bereavent is something we all experience, but find it almost impossible to describe.

I could fill the page with platitudes to say 'try a' or 'try b', but none of it will be of use to you. Your experience is unique. 
what I can say though is that you will get through it and there are no right and wrong ways to do that- however you find comfort is fine. 
Right now, comfort seems almost a 'dirty' word, but know that you will be okay and certainly not alone.

take care

hilts

Thank you for your kind response Hilts, and for sharing your experience   ️
 

I completely relate to every single thing that you have said in your post. As you said, the feeling it absolutely impossible to describe, 

I feel guilty as I am making this situation about 'me' - When actually my dad is the person being forced to leave behind everyone and everything that he loves. I don't suppose anyone is, but my dad is so 'aware' of the situation, and he really really doesn't want to die - He is so sad and upset, and it breaks my heart to know that the inevitable is going to happen, and there is absolutely nothing that I can do about it. 
 

As you said, I will continue to try and find comfort, in whatever shape or form that may be xxx

Hey SJP,

'Guilt ' is part of the whole process.

when you said 'I feel I am making it all about me"- it is about you! You are very much part of the whole process, you are important in this, so yes it is very much about you.

I could say 'you have nothing to feel guilty about', which is absolutely true, but you won't feel like that right now. 
your emotions are completely'shot' at the minute and you will feel the whole tapestry of human emotions, probably changing every hour.  
 

'Guilt' also come from what & how 'society' expects us to 'behave', stiff upper lip and all, so we feel 'shame' when we don't appear to be reacting like others expect. I love (not) the standard platitude of 'How are you coping' , expect the answer 'oh, I am okay'. Arrrg- No you are not okay you are melting inside, what does 'coping' look like I have always wondered?

It is okay, NOT to be okay (:

You don't have to explain to anyone, why you feel the way you do. The reason you feel like it, is simple - because you do. Absolutely no right and wrong way to be.

So let your emotions come and let them go, however you feel YOU want.

Take care

Hilts.

Hey SJP,

'Guilt ' is part of the whole process.

when you said 'I feel I am making it all about me"- it is about you! You are very much part of the whole process, you are important in this, so yes it is very much about you.

I could say 'you have nothing to feel guilty about', which is absolutely true, but you won't feel like that right now. 
your emotions are completely'shot' at the minute and you will feel the whole tapestry of human emotions, probably changing every hour.  
 

'Guilt' also come from what & how 'society' expects us to 'behave', stiff upper lip and all, so we feel 'shame' when we don't appear to be reacting like others expect. I love (not) the standard platitude of 'How are you coping' , expect the answer 'oh, I am okay'. Arrrg- No you are not okay you are melting inside, what does 'coping' look like I have always wondered?

It is okay, NOT to be okay (:

You don't have to explain to anyone, why you feel the way you do. The reason you feel like it, is simple - because you do. Absolutely no right and wrong way to be.

So let your emotions come and let them go, however you feel YOU want.

Take care

Hilts.