How do you watch someone you love deteriorate?

My dad has recently been diagnosed with incurable cancer. Only weeks ago he was a healthy, active, regular man.

In such a short space of time, this cruel disease has ravaged his body.

He now lies in a hospital bed in pain, and is getting weaker day by day. He cannot move, as the pain from his bones echoes throughout his whole body. He cannot hold a conversation without becoming breathless. He lookes older and older with each passing day, whilst getting weaker and weaker.

My question is, mentally, how do you deal with this?

I am really struggling at the moment to watch the man who has always been my rock, waste away in front of my eyes. My heart physically aches when I see him. I have to fight back the tears in my eyes whenever I visit, and I just cannot accept that this is happening. The pain that I feel is like no other, and I know this is only the beginning. I don't know how i'm going to cope mentally throughout this process, but I need to stay strong for my mom and my family. I am scared that I am not going to be strong enough, when all I want to do is run away and hide, and pretend this isn't happening. Instead I am being forced to watch my biggest fear in this world unfold in front of my very eyes, and there is nothing I can do to stop it.

I feel immense guilt, as I WANT to see my dad, but I am also DREADING seeing him each time I do. 

Does anyone else feel like this? Am I being selfish?

xxx

 

Parents
  • Hi 

    I am so very sorry. My heart aches for you it really does, my dad passed many years ago. I was 8 months pregnant when he died, he was diagnosed with terminal osophageal cancer 2 months prior to his death. I cant tell you that the pain you will feel right now will get any easier because it wont. I cant promise that some days you wont want to get out of bed or you wont cry yourself to sleep. I can promise you though you will get through it, you will find the strenghth from somewhere because he is all that maters. If i could go back I would make sure every moment we had together was special I would have focused on what I had left with him instead of what was comming. One day a long time in the future you will realise he will be with you always because he is part of you as much you are to him and hopefully it will comfort you.  

     

Reply
  • Hi 

    I am so very sorry. My heart aches for you it really does, my dad passed many years ago. I was 8 months pregnant when he died, he was diagnosed with terminal osophageal cancer 2 months prior to his death. I cant tell you that the pain you will feel right now will get any easier because it wont. I cant promise that some days you wont want to get out of bed or you wont cry yourself to sleep. I can promise you though you will get through it, you will find the strenghth from somewhere because he is all that maters. If i could go back I would make sure every moment we had together was special I would have focused on what I had left with him instead of what was comming. One day a long time in the future you will realise he will be with you always because he is part of you as much you are to him and hopefully it will comfort you.  

     

Children
  • Thank you for your reply Moo1968 ️
     

    I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your dad, especially being 8 months pregnant. I can't even begin to imagine how hard that must have been for you and your family. 
     

    My dad was actually diagnosed with oesophageal cancer 5 years prior, however as they caught it such early stages (or so they thought) they managed to treat it - Unfortunately it is this cancer that has now spread throughout his bones many years later.

    Im trying so hard to focus on the here and now, and cherishing every moment that I have my dad here with me. It's just so hard not to have everything clouded by the sense of impending doom, just knowing what is around the corner for my dad and for our family - I just feel so much fear and anxiety inside, that it becomes suffocating at times. 
     

    I will continue to try and stay as strong and positive as I can for my dad, and for the time that he has left with us. I just really hope that I find some more strength hidden deep down inside me, as I need every ounce I can get at the moment. 
     

    Thank you for your kind words xx