How do you watch someone you love deteriorate?

My dad has recently been diagnosed with incurable cancer. Only weeks ago he was a healthy, active, regular man.

In such a short space of time, this cruel disease has ravaged his body.

He now lies in a hospital bed in pain, and is getting weaker day by day. He cannot move, as the pain from his bones echoes throughout his whole body. He cannot hold a conversation without becoming breathless. He lookes older and older with each passing day, whilst getting weaker and weaker.

My question is, mentally, how do you deal with this?

I am really struggling at the moment to watch the man who has always been my rock, waste away in front of my eyes. My heart physically aches when I see him. I have to fight back the tears in my eyes whenever I visit, and I just cannot accept that this is happening. The pain that I feel is like no other, and I know this is only the beginning. I don't know how i'm going to cope mentally throughout this process, but I need to stay strong for my mom and my family. I am scared that I am not going to be strong enough, when all I want to do is run away and hide, and pretend this isn't happening. Instead I am being forced to watch my biggest fear in this world unfold in front of my very eyes, and there is nothing I can do to stop it.

I feel immense guilt, as I WANT to see my dad, but I am also DREADING seeing him each time I do. 

Does anyone else feel like this? Am I being selfish?

xxx

 

Parents
  • [@SJP92]‍ 

    I just wanted to say I'm thinking of you. And echo what other people have put here, somehow you find the strength to be there, even though it's probably one of the worst things you'll ever experience. Anytime I saw my beautiful mum I had the worst anxiety as I just didn't know how she would be, but I'm so grateful I managed to be there for her throughout it, and in time, however long that may be, you will get there too.

     

    Huge hugs XXXX

Reply
  • [@SJP92]‍ 

    I just wanted to say I'm thinking of you. And echo what other people have put here, somehow you find the strength to be there, even though it's probably one of the worst things you'll ever experience. Anytime I saw my beautiful mum I had the worst anxiety as I just didn't know how she would be, but I'm so grateful I managed to be there for her throughout it, and in time, however long that may be, you will get there too.

     

    Huge hugs XXXX

Children
  • Thank you so much for your reply Newlife101!

    I think you are right, and it's the anxiety and stress of seeing the people you love in such a desperate way, and there isn't anything you can do but sit and watch - It just feels so so cruel. I'm so scared of what the future holds, and for what I am going to have to face.

    I really hope that I find my inner strength, and be there for my mom and dad, who need me now more than ever. I'm genuinely just terrified for what is going to come.

    Thank you for your kind words, and I'm very sorry for the loss of your Mum. I suppose all we can do is try to remain as positive for them as possible, even though all we went to do is pretend it isn't happening!

    Lots of love x