How do you watch someone you love deteriorate?

My dad has recently been diagnosed with incurable cancer. Only weeks ago he was a healthy, active, regular man.

In such a short space of time, this cruel disease has ravaged his body.

He now lies in a hospital bed in pain, and is getting weaker day by day. He cannot move, as the pain from his bones echoes throughout his whole body. He cannot hold a conversation without becoming breathless. He lookes older and older with each passing day, whilst getting weaker and weaker.

My question is, mentally, how do you deal with this?

I am really struggling at the moment to watch the man who has always been my rock, waste away in front of my eyes. My heart physically aches when I see him. I have to fight back the tears in my eyes whenever I visit, and I just cannot accept that this is happening. The pain that I feel is like no other, and I know this is only the beginning. I don't know how i'm going to cope mentally throughout this process, but I need to stay strong for my mom and my family. I am scared that I am not going to be strong enough, when all I want to do is run away and hide, and pretend this isn't happening. Instead I am being forced to watch my biggest fear in this world unfold in front of my very eyes, and there is nothing I can do to stop it.

I feel immense guilt, as I WANT to see my dad, but I am also DREADING seeing him each time I do. 

Does anyone else feel like this? Am I being selfish?

xxx

 

Parents
  •  

    HI,

    You are not being selfish at all. You are dealing with a heart breaking situation, unfolding before your very eyes. Somehow or other, you will find the strength to see this through.

    I am thinking of you and your family at this harrowing time.

    Please keep in touch. We are always here for you.

    Kind regards,
    Jolamine 

Reply
  •  

    HI,

    You are not being selfish at all. You are dealing with a heart breaking situation, unfolding before your very eyes. Somehow or other, you will find the strength to see this through.

    I am thinking of you and your family at this harrowing time.

    Please keep in touch. We are always here for you.

    Kind regards,
    Jolamine 

Children
  • Thank you for your kind words Jolamine ️
     

    I am hoping that I have more strength deep inside me that will grow, as this horrendous journey continues. The feelings of love, concern, fear and reality that I feel grow day by day, but I have to continue on this journey and be there for the people who need me most, or at least try to be.

    Thank you for keeping me and my family in your thoughts, it really does mean a lot xxxxx

  •  

    Hi SJP,

    You will discover depths of strehgth that you never knew you had as you travel this awful journey. Instead of worrying about the inevitable, try to support your dad and other family members. There will be plenty of time to miss him when he has gone, but he is still with you. See that he is as comfortable as he can be.

    You will have to be his voice for now. If you feel that your dad's pain is not being properly controlled, don't be afraid to let the nurses know and ask them for stronger medication to combat this. Talk to him and don't leave anything left unsaid, tell him how much you love him. Remember that the hearing is one of the last senses to go, so the chances are that he can still hear you, even when he appears unresponsive>
    i wish that I could do more to help you, but please remember that We are always here whenever you need to chat or unburden.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx