My dad has recently been diagnosed with incurable cancer. Only weeks ago he was a healthy, active, regular man.
In such a short space of time, this cruel disease has ravaged his body.
He now lies in a hospital bed in pain, and is getting weaker day by day. He cannot move, as the pain from his bones echoes throughout his whole body. He cannot hold a conversation without becoming breathless. He lookes older and older with each passing day, whilst getting weaker and weaker.
My question is, mentally, how do you deal with this?
I am really struggling at the moment to watch the man who has always been my rock, waste away in front of my eyes. My heart physically aches when I see him. I have to fight back the tears in my eyes whenever I visit, and I just cannot accept that this is happening. The pain that I feel is like no other, and I know this is only the beginning. I don't know how i'm going to cope mentally throughout this process, but I need to stay strong for my mom and my family. I am scared that I am not going to be strong enough, when all I want to do is run away and hide, and pretend this isn't happening. Instead I am being forced to watch my biggest fear in this world unfold in front of my very eyes, and there is nothing I can do to stop it.
I feel immense guilt, as I WANT to see my dad, but I am also DREADING seeing him each time I do.
Does anyone else feel like this? Am I being selfish?
xxx
