I am so deeply sorry for what you are going through, personally I would say it is shock. Losing your other half is earth shattering, your whole world is changed forever and thats not something thats quickly accepted nor grieved. I lost my partner last year (Covid) and had to watch him slip away over a phonecall....he werent even put into a coma. Its been little over a year for me and I still struggle daily. My heart goes out to you, I hope you are blanketed in pure love from those around you now and in the coming months (even if its just a phonecall).

Please be very gentle with yourself and take it minute by minute if you need to, remember to look after yourself too.... I hope you are doing ok with Covid? x

Hi

Thank you for replying to my post.  I am so sorry about the loss of your partner and the fact that you couldn't be with him physically. It must make his loss even harder to bear if that is possible. I hope your daily struggle becomes easier with time.

I was with Ian at the end but didn't really register what was happening. My sister and daughter were with me but I couldn't  cry. I just stroked his head and said goodbye. My sister kept saying you're in shock but I felt nothing. I had to drive us home   ( a thirty minute journey), and we sat in the car in silence.....

As to my encounter with COVID, luckily my symptoms are mild.

Take care of yourself 

Thankyou, It all seemed just surreal really and took me a while to genuinely believe it had all happened but the way it happened werent "normal" in any case...very very hard to accept and process but Im slowly getting there.

How are you doing in yourself? Im glad your daughter & sister could be with you and Ian in them moments. Have you got support around you even for general things? I found the first few months very foggy and my memory was terrible. I would walk around a supermarket with my basket but not know why I was even there and left without a single item.

Itl take time to fully register everything I think, but it does get easier with time (something I never thought I would be able to say). Bereavement is a very individual period to go through, just knowing your loved ones are behind you does help. I get comfort knowing my partner was blanketed in nothing but the purest love as he went & spent the rest of his life with me. I could remind him of some very precious memories we made & how deeply loved he was and always will be, and knowing he would no longer be in any more pain. I do hope you can find comfort from being able to stroke Ians hair and gently talk to him, simply being together.

Im pleased your symptoms are mild, please take care...Im always happy to chat if you would like x

Hi Alwaysaworrier

Thank you for your offer of being happy to chat.  It's now just over seven weeks since Ian died and I'm not coping as well as I was, Why is this?  I cry at the slightest memory and the future fills me with dread. My daughter will be leaving in a week and then I will be on my own for the first time. 
 

Take care

Julie

Hi Alwaysaworrier

Thank you for your offer of being happy to chat.  It's now just over seven weeks since Ian died and I'm not coping as well as I was, Why is this?  I cry at the slightest memory and the future fills me with dread. My daughter will be leaving in a week and then I will be on my own for the first time. 
 

Take care

Julie

Hi Julie, I have sent you a friend request so we can chat further if you are happy to accept. I hope your Covid symptoms have eased? The way you have described your memorys making you cry and how you feel towards the future sounds very much like the feelings I experienced (it does ease i promise)....I still cry at memories but not as much as I used to and I still struggle with the thought of a future without my partner but somehow Im doing it, I know hes always around me and safely tucked in my heart. Its so so very early days for you and raw, be gentle with yourself. 

Havw you got family or friends close by that could pop by to see you? If things get a bit overwhelming, thats ok...go at a pace you feel you can manage. Where is your daughter off to? Remember you have got everyone here to chat to, myself included. Please know your never alone <3 x