Thank you so so much... i know you understand.  She desvered the biggest send off the church would have been full 3 times over. She was an old nurse she broke rules and loved and cared for so many. She was district nurse who was treated like a queen. All i could give her were 20 people.  Peoole did stand outside and they thought they needed a second car for all the flowers. 

It was to quick , id been looking after her for years but could not get the appointments because of covid. I paid in the end... we thought we had at least a year. We were so wrong.

It us so good to know you understand. I have my dad but he is deaf and struggles with me crying.  He is wonderful but just dont show emotion . 

I cant quite believe i wont see her again... its 2 1/2 weeks  it feels like a cruel joke.  Xxx

You have to take each day as it comes and tell your work exactly how you feel, they are human too. They should understand. You can find another job you will not be able to find another you. allow yourself to sit on the sofa allow yourself to have those days, it's not been long. You are strong give yourself time to grieve and pick yourself up once you have had your time to grieve. 

Sorry for your loss I feel the same I lost my wife to breast cancer just before Christmas She was 39  lest me two young boys I'm here if you fancy talking  

So sorry to hear about your mum.  I lost my dad within 2 months of cancer diagnosis.  It's too painful to mention and you do go through different stages. My first was anger, angry at everyone and everything. I didn't want to go back to work but I did, and after the first day I was glad I did as I wasn't thinking about dad 24/7.  I went from anger, to devastated again, you know it does leave an empty space in your heart, I think I laughed for the first time (not smiled) like really laughed 9 years later.

I speak to him often throughout my week, mainly to tell him I miss him, or morning and goodnight.  I don't believe you get over losing a parent you loved so much, you just eventually learn to cope.

AND you will cope, it does get easier so don't be so hard on yourself. You can do it and you will :)  

I lost my mum suddenly in September and I can relate a lot to what you're saying. Having to chose who could come to the funeral for a young woman (she had just turned 50 when she died) was awful. I too felt pressured into going back to work and did after 7 weeks but in all honestly it was too soon and I'm still really struggling, I can't say I feel any better but somehow I function better and mange to get through the motions of the day. I miss her every single day and my heart literally breaks every day. I wish I could remember the good times but I just relive the day she died. I hope you find some peace in time.