Haunted by seeing my Dad die

6 weeks ago Dad was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer and he passed away 2 nights ago. Dad was my best friend and my rock, we were incredibly close and spent a huge amount of time together. Dad was taken care of for his last few days at a hospice and we spent as much time with him as we could. I miss Dad so much and although I don't wish he was still here the way he was after he got diagnosed, I would give anything to have my amazing healthy Dad back. He lived life to the full and had so many more years of good life left to live.

All of the family were in the room with Dad while he passed, along with a doctor and a nurse. He took a turn very suddenly, in fact right after we had just been told that they thought he would last at least another night due to how incredibly strong his mental attitide was and how much he was fighting to stay with us. 

I can't get the images of Dad dying out of my head. All I can see if him gasping for air while making awful noises. Dad was so with it and aware even in his last minutes. The nurse gave him an injection ( I don't know what of) and as she was doing that he looked at me and his eyes were so distressed and scared. I can't bear that my last memory of Dad is that and that his last memory of me is while he was dying and scared. I explained to him that the nurse was just giving him a small injection to help him and then the nurse laid my hand over his heart while it gave out. Everyone else was holding his hands. They all think it was peaceful for him but I don't and I can't picture him any other way right now. I know the fact that he was aware means he absolutely knew we were all with him, which he wanted, but I also know it means he knew exactly what was happening. 

I know it has only been a short time but i feel like I am going crazy as I am the only person in the room that feels like this. I can't sleep and I feel sick the whole time.I feel so guilty, like I almost helped him to die. Is this normal? Has anyone else felt this way after seeing a loved one die in front of them?

Parents
  • Hi Gabrielle, I read your post and just had to reply. I’m sorry to hear your father has passed away. I feel exactly the same. Watching someone you love pass away in front of you is something I will never get over. My younger sister passed away in April from Glioblastoma, she was only 48. I watched her deteriorate over a year but it’s her death that still haunts me. We were called to the hospice at 5 am and she passed away at midday. So many questions going around in my head. I couldn’t tell if she was in pain. Was she scared? And no it wasn’t peaceful. Her husband said it was but to me it was anything but. I was uncontrollable when she passed away. I know I need to talk to somebody as I’m struggling now. I’ve called the doctor but have been unable to get an appointment. I know my sister would not want me to be feeling this way but I just can’t help it, I’ve tried. I feel no one understands the way I feel. Can you speak to the others that were in the room with you? Have you told them how you feel? Thinking of you. 

  • Sorry for my delay coming back to you. Everyone else in the room thinks it was peaceful but I still can’t shake how he looked out of my head. I am going for Counselling to see if that will help. I will let you know and send you all the comfort I can that those feelings will pass for you too

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