Hi ya .. 

So so sorry your going through this heartbraking time at the moment.... life is crule .. yet hunny please know how much you all did for him .. if you'd left for the night, he may have had no one to be there ...

He looked at you last, well that says loads ... he wanted to see your face last, to take that picture of you with him .. I know I'd look for the one that is most spiecial as I go ...  yea he probly was scared ... he was leaving everyone he loves here .. and into the unknown , but remember all of us will do that at some point ..  

Now cancer wants to rob you of all those amazing memories,  like when he held your hand and helped you walk .. when he saw you to school .. the dad though those teenage years ... they are hard ... the dad that watched you grow into a woman ... cancer wants to replace those memories with cancer memories .. it wants to make everyone suffer... well don't let it, you want your dad back before cancer, you can in your memories... don't let cancer win again .. your dad wasn't cancer .. it takes our bodies, not our minds ..

When it creeps into your thoughts, sit down, close your eyes ... and recall the funniest, best memory you have with him ... relive it slowly .. word for word ... how you felt .. do this slowly over and over, picture his face at that time .. untill those bad memories fall away .. and then stick two fingers up to cancer ... you will remember your dad before it got hold of him .. that's what I'd want my son to do .. remember me before .. because that's who I am ... that's who your dad is ... 

Yes you'll still have raw pain for a long time .. that's the price we pay, to have been blessed to have had them in our lives ...  sending you a vertual hug...  Chrissie  

Hi Gabrielle, I read your post and just had to reply. I’m sorry to hear your father has passed away. I feel exactly the same. Watching someone you love pass away in front of you is something I will never get over. My younger sister passed away in April from Glioblastoma, she was only 48. I watched her deteriorate over a year but it’s her death that still haunts me. We were called to the hospice at 5 am and she passed away at midday. So many questions going around in my head. I couldn’t tell if she was in pain. Was she scared? And no it wasn’t peaceful. Her husband said it was but to me it was anything but. I was uncontrollable when she passed away. I know I need to talk to somebody as I’m struggling now. I’ve called the doctor but have been unable to get an appointment. I know my sister would not want me to be feeling this way but I just can’t help it, I’ve tried. I feel no one understands the way I feel. Can you speak to the others that were in the room with you? Have you told them how you feel? Thinking of you. 

Yes i did i went to gp in the end she thought it might be p.t.s.d she gave me something for a week or two .if you feel that bad please go yourself i cant say any more as its so early for you but i can tell you as time goes by it does get eisier but your mind just has to work it out for itself .sorry about your poor dad and more so for you and your family i think people think the injections hasten death they dont its just to take the pain away .my sympathys paul

Gabrielle my mum passed away 2 weeks ago today and I was with her until the end too. I try not to think about it, she was very uncomfortable and had to get a lot of injections to put her at ease, she was shouting out for her brother, told me to shut up and told me I was annoying her. The noises and the cold from her won’t ever leave me. I got quite upset tonight and tried to make myself feel better by reading old texts but all they were was my mum moaning at me. I can’t remember anything from the minute my mum fell sick to the end and it’s all pretty brutal. I’ve been trying to blank everything out x

All the memory loss is your brains way of stopping you going crackers they do come back slowly and it does get easier you will not think that now as its so early .the grouchyness just comes from your mums pain not her try not to look atat anything unpleasnt at the moment ive lost my parants and partner it sucks i know .when your feeling less stunned see about a bit of grief counciling it hurts at first but they can fill in a lot of blanks we all have .sorry about your mum and your having such pain but it doesnt stay this way .paul

Paul I’ve just spent 20 minutes writing everything out in a post as I need to speak about it and it didn’t work grrr

Dont worry about it do another when you feel like it its hard on this site somtimes it can disapear the spell correction cahnges words but its good you keep chatting its realy the best thing get thing talking a good rant or chat always helps and i bet your exhausted.p

Hi pgh you where there just behind the curtain honest however someone dies its not like the media portrays its horrible i dont think your mum will have been frightend and ive seen daughters freeze my partners daughter froze when she came to see liz in hospital ai litraly had to put my hands round her and lead her to the bed so i wouldnt feel guilty about that you where there hope my kids are as good when i go but not just yet sounds like the guilt things getting to you try not to let it if you can .paul

Sorry for my delay coming back to you. Everyone else in the room thinks it was peaceful but I still can’t shake how he looked out of my head. I am going for Counselling to see if that will help. I will let you know and send you all the comfort I can that those feelings will pass for you too