Haunted by seeing my Dad die

6 weeks ago Dad was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer and he passed away 2 nights ago. Dad was my best friend and my rock, we were incredibly close and spent a huge amount of time together. Dad was taken care of for his last few days at a hospice and we spent as much time with him as we could. I miss Dad so much and although I don't wish he was still here the way he was after he got diagnosed, I would give anything to have my amazing healthy Dad back. He lived life to the full and had so many more years of good life left to live.

All of the family were in the room with Dad while he passed, along with a doctor and a nurse. He took a turn very suddenly, in fact right after we had just been told that they thought he would last at least another night due to how incredibly strong his mental attitide was and how much he was fighting to stay with us. 

I can't get the images of Dad dying out of my head. All I can see if him gasping for air while making awful noises. Dad was so with it and aware even in his last minutes. The nurse gave him an injection ( I don't know what of) and as she was doing that he looked at me and his eyes were so distressed and scared. I can't bear that my last memory of Dad is that and that his last memory of me is while he was dying and scared. I explained to him that the nurse was just giving him a small injection to help him and then the nurse laid my hand over his heart while it gave out. Everyone else was holding his hands. They all think it was peaceful for him but I don't and I can't picture him any other way right now. I know the fact that he was aware means he absolutely knew we were all with him, which he wanted, but I also know it means he knew exactly what was happening. 

I know it has only been a short time but i feel like I am going crazy as I am the only person in the room that feels like this. I can't sleep and I feel sick the whole time.I feel so guilty, like I almost helped him to die. Is this normal? Has anyone else felt this way after seeing a loved one die in front of them?

Parents
  • Gabrielle my mum passed away 2 weeks ago today and I was with her until the end too. I try not to think about it, she was very uncomfortable and had to get a lot of injections to put her at ease, she was shouting out for her brother, told me to shut up and told me I was annoying her. The noises and the cold from her won’t ever leave me. I got quite upset tonight and tried to make myself feel better by reading old texts but all they were was my mum moaning at me. I can’t remember anything from the minute my mum fell sick to the end and it’s all pretty brutal. I’ve been trying to blank everything out x

  • All the memory loss is your brains way of stopping you going crackers they do come back slowly and it does get easier you will not think that now as its so early .the grouchyness just comes from your mums pain not her try not to look atat anything unpleasnt at the moment ive lost my parants and partner it sucks i know .when your feeling less stunned see about a bit of grief counciling it hurts at first but they can fill in a lot of blanks we all have .sorry about your mum and your having such pain but it doesnt stay this way .paul

Reply
  • All the memory loss is your brains way of stopping you going crackers they do come back slowly and it does get easier you will not think that now as its so early .the grouchyness just comes from your mums pain not her try not to look atat anything unpleasnt at the moment ive lost my parants and partner it sucks i know .when your feeling less stunned see about a bit of grief counciling it hurts at first but they can fill in a lot of blanks we all have .sorry about your mum and your having such pain but it doesnt stay this way .paul

Children
  • Paul I’ve just spent 20 minutes writing everything out in a post as I need to speak about it and it didn’t work grrr

  • Dont worry about it do another when you feel like it its hard on this site somtimes it can disapear the spell correction cahnges words but its good you keep chatting its realy the best thing get thing talking a good rant or chat always helps and i bet your exhausted.p

  • Hi

    I am so sorry for your loss.....I have lost both my parents to cancer....dad was extremely quick.....and yes you're right .....nobody talks about the actual passing of someone... .it is extremely hard to deal with .....and is a physical pain in your body.......it makes you question everything......you feel your heart is broken.....you question everything.....if only, I wish, I should of, ect.....you question your own mortality......I know I will feel fear at my point of death......but by the sounds of it you loved your father deeply .....and he knew that......please hold onto that......best wishes Ann