Thank you Laura for your reply 

I too imagine the tears will flow at some point . They are just not coming at the moment 

It has been comfort for sharing a similar experience so thank you for posting and getting back to me

a mother's love lives on in your heart forever and I was lucky like you and others to have such unconditional love and amazing memories with my beautiful mom . It is good to know what I am feeling at the moment has been experienced by others 

thanks again 

take care x 

Hiya. Created this account just to quickly reply to your message.

You're in survival mode, it's totally normal. I'm just a knuckle dragger that works in a factory but my two pennies is this:

Basically your brain is protecting itself. When your mom died you suddenly found yourself with a whole pile of sh*t that needs sorting. On top of that you had your dad to be strong for and your love for him outweighs your own emotional needs - because you're a good person, congratulations! 

That stuff needs to get done, and being debilitated by grief and sadness is going to make you less productive, so your brain shuts that stuff off for now.

It's gonna hit you. With me it really started to catch me around 6 months afterwards, and one year on, being my birthday yesterday, it's being catching me out here and there. Don't be afraid of that though; it's not some crushing cataclysmic event that hits you like a tidal wave. It's little moments. I keep going to phone her. It's like a weird mental double take. It hurts but it's an ache, not a stab.

You'll be ok. You adored her. She knew it.

Hang in there buddy.

Neil from Birmingham

Hi Neil

Thank you for going to so much trouble to comment on my post. Your two pennies worth was truly appreciated.

So sorry to hear you too have lost your Mum. It is very nearly two years ago now since I lost my Mum. The numbness has definitely worn off now. It's strange as I thought all the "firsts" that came around without her here, first Christmas, first birthday, first Mother's Day, all now seemed a lot easier to deal with than all the "seconds"! Mother's Day was particularly tough this year. 

There have been so many drastic changes to my life since I lost Mum that would have been difficult enough to cope with if she were here, so muddling through it without her sage advice and unrelenting support has been very tough. Like you, I'll find myself reaching for the phone (there were some days when we'd talk on the phone several times and we almost never went without chatting at least once) and I'm forever thinking "I must tell Mum that later" and then my tummy lurches as I painfully remember that I can't. The wonderful thing though, about the fact that I knew her like the back of my hand, is that I generally know exactly what she would have said or advised and that feels very much like her life long gift to me. I just stop and think "What would Mum say?" and know, without question.

Thanks again for getting in touch, it was a lovely message. Happy birthday for yesterday, hope you had a lovely day 

Laura  

Hi I lost my mum 3 weeks ago she went into hospital the end of January with a bad uti which led to kidney failure then sepsis I am finding it hard to grieve I still think that she is here I cried at her funeral and almost collapsed I was very close to her until covid came we saw each other every Friday and spoke several times each day I miss her so much but can't except that she is gone 

Hi, sorry for jumping on this post but I feel you will all be able to relate to me.

I talk to people but I feel like they don't understand as I'm a bloke. My mum died in 2019 due to lung cancer, with say around 18 months from diagnosis. During that time I managed to get my self 'ready' and accepted the fact that my mum would eventually die and we would talk about it etc. I believe at the time I took it on the chin and rolled with it but I don't think I actually was able to grieve at the time as unexpectedly found out my long term partner became pregnant 2 months after the death. 
 

Its now 2 years that have passed and I find myself going to call her after something goes really well or really bad and have to stop and realise she is dead, and the pain from it all comes back in one go like I've managed to put it all away in a box for it to never be opened again. I believe I may have delayed grief of some sort and I was wondering if anyone else in this group went through the same thing and how long this should last? I don't really like to talk to people about it as I feel people don't quite get what it's like until they lose a parent.

My heart go out to everyone, the pain of losing my wonderful Mum is beyond anything I have experienced. Mum died on 18 August 2019, it was also her 81st birthday. She was so good for her age, walked constantly with her dog and really wanted to get to at least 85 'if she still had her marbles'. After feeling not herself from January that year she eventually went to the doctor in May, tests in June snd early July, diagnosis on 25 July.... bowel cancer that had metasised to the lungs and liver. She was given months but we lost her 3 weeks and three days later. Two years on, just, I am still struggling with life without her. Like many if you she was my best friend, we were very close. I miss her dreadfully and really don't know if acceptance will ever really happen. We all cope with grief differently and for those of you that feel numb, can't cry, I'm sure it's just your body's way of coping. Your Mum will know you love her and will be happy your body is helping you cope. Love to everyone and to our amazing Mum's for everything they did for us all. Xx

Hiya

First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. 
As the author of this thread, over two years ago now, I am afraid that I am most certainly not in the same position as I was then. I feel the loss of my Mum very keenly now. I literally ache with missing her. Like you pointed out, for so many of us, our Mum's were also our best friends. I rather feel like it's all a nasty dream now and think "I've really had enough of this now, I'd like my Mum back now please!" I have found this year without her the hardest by far as the realty begins to sink in.
It must be so tough to have lost your Mum on her birthday. It would have been my Mum's birthday today. 
I know many people say that time is a great healer and the pain gets easier, but currently I'm really not sure I will ever get used to life without her. So much has changed in my life since I lost her and I so want to be sure that she knows where myself and my kids are now, that we're happier, and so wish she could have been here to see it, share it with us.

I hope you are doing alright as the anniversaries come round. Thinking of you.....it's just so tough 

Hello there

being 'a bloke' is neither here nor there you're just a human being who has lost his mum and it's a painful process as I know having lost my own mum nearly 3 years ago now. I'm guessing as you say your partner became pregnant in 2019 that you are still relatively young and that does make your loss more difficult. I imagine you thought your mum would see & love her grandchild & that also makes it harder to bear. My mum was 89 & I was 67 & so it really was part of the 'natural order of things' in that parents normally die before their children & I didn't feel it was the sort of loss you seem to be experiencing although I miss her daily & will, I suppose, until I die. But I carry on & I'm content. Grief, however & wherever it comes from is a process & you have to allow that process to take place no matter how hard it is. You say you managed to put it all in a box never to be opened again. I can tell you that the box is never closed because it is never meant to be closed. It's a box full of you & your mum & all the memories & love you had between you. Why would you want to close it? Let all those memories & feelings out of that box & if & when you do some lovely things will begin to happen. You'll cry buckets I'm sure but that's ok because crying releases the pain if only you will let it. As you do, all the lovely memories you have will take over & you'll begin to re-live them & they will make you smile & you will begin to feel grateful that you had your mum for as long as you did. This is the process of grief. Your mum brought you into the world to live a life & all lives involve happy & very sad times I'm absolutely sure she would want you to be happy alongside the sadness you have until the sadness is tolerable & then goes away. Don't be afraid of being sad & crying it leads to freedom from the pain you feel now & it's what your mum bringing you into the world was about in a way. She wanted you to have LIFE & that's both joy & sadness. Be happy for yourself & your mum because she would want you to be. xx

Hi Laura, 

I lost mam 3 years ago,  even now it still just feels like empty words.  I still feel traumatized and never accepted what had happened if I'm honest. I cry but never shed a tear until  9 days after she left. Most of all just feel incredibly sad. That said I know she's with me from another place, those do not feel like just words as I completely accept and believe them. I've had so many signs that are totally unique to her. I actually kept a little diary such was their frequency. She still keeps in touch, always a strong presence on my right side and if I'm going through a particularly hard time the feeling and closeness gets stronger. Our mums love us more than anything and want us to be happy and we will meet them again some day never to be parted again so in the meantime let's be as happy as we can be, they and us deserve that. You are not alone. Life is short and more than anything they want us to enjoy life and thrive and they are helping us do that. I've no doubt that this calmness that you felt and continue to feel is less denial and more your mums gentle soul keeping you well and willing you to keep going so enjoy this peace and if you feel like having a little cry that's on too.

Much love and care

Denise