Hi Laura

I'm so sorry to hear you're lost your mother, it's still early days for you and you could still be in a state of shock, by feeling numb it is a way that our brain lets us cope with grief. Grief is such a unique thing, it is different for everyone. I lost my mother nearly seven months ago and I'm still waiting to fall apart. Like you I was extremely close to my mother, my two children adored her and she loved the very bones of them. I would see her everyday, quite simply my best friend. I miss her so very much.

Here I am nearly seven months on and I still ask myself why am I not constantly in tears and just carrying on with my life without my lovely mother here. Also like you I think she is looking down thinking look at her she's carrying on like she doesn't care.

I sometimes think I am avoiding it and I find it easier to pretend my mother is still in her house of course I know this is not true. Then I think what good would it do if I was incapacitated by grief. I know my mother wouldn't want that it would break her heart. I'm sure your mother would feel the same. Also I think I'm being strong for my children I have to be, they I feel have been through enough as it is. I have explained to them it's ok to cry or not to. 

I have read there is no right or wrong to grieve, I know I didn't ask to be like this I always thought I would be unable to get out of bed if anything happened to my mother.  How the hell would I cope. Do what feels right for you, I'm sure your mother is proud of how you are coping. 

Don't worry about other people, you know how much you loved your mother and she knew how much you loved her. That's all that matters, people expect you to be a certain way after losing a loved one and these are people who are lucky enough not to have experienced a loss. 

Take Care

X x x 

Hi I lost my mum 3 weeks ago she went into hospital the end of January with a bad uti which led to kidney failure then sepsis I am finding it hard to grieve I still think that she is here I cried at her funeral and almost collapsed I was very close to her until covid came we saw each other every Friday and spoke several times each day I miss her so much but can't except that she is gone 

Hi, sorry for jumping on this post but I feel you will all be able to relate to me.

I talk to people but I feel like they don't understand as I'm a bloke. My mum died in 2019 due to lung cancer, with say around 18 months from diagnosis. During that time I managed to get my self 'ready' and accepted the fact that my mum would eventually die and we would talk about it etc. I believe at the time I took it on the chin and rolled with it but I don't think I actually was able to grieve at the time as unexpectedly found out my long term partner became pregnant 2 months after the death. 
 

Its now 2 years that have passed and I find myself going to call her after something goes really well or really bad and have to stop and realise she is dead, and the pain from it all comes back in one go like I've managed to put it all away in a box for it to never be opened again. I believe I may have delayed grief of some sort and I was wondering if anyone else in this group went through the same thing and how long this should last? I don't really like to talk to people about it as I feel people don't quite get what it's like until they lose a parent.

My heart go out to everyone, the pain of losing my wonderful Mum is beyond anything I have experienced. Mum died on 18 August 2019, it was also her 81st birthday. She was so good for her age, walked constantly with her dog and really wanted to get to at least 85 'if she still had her marbles'. After feeling not herself from January that year she eventually went to the doctor in May, tests in June snd early July, diagnosis on 25 July.... bowel cancer that had metasised to the lungs and liver. She was given months but we lost her 3 weeks and three days later. Two years on, just, I am still struggling with life without her. Like many if you she was my best friend, we were very close. I miss her dreadfully and really don't know if acceptance will ever really happen. We all cope with grief differently and for those of you that feel numb, can't cry, I'm sure it's just your body's way of coping. Your Mum will know you love her and will be happy your body is helping you cope. Love to everyone and to our amazing Mum's for everything they did for us all. Xx

Hiya

First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. 
As the author of this thread, over two years ago now, I am afraid that I am most certainly not in the same position as I was then. I feel the loss of my Mum very keenly now. I literally ache with missing her. Like you pointed out, for so many of us, our Mum's were also our best friends. I rather feel like it's all a nasty dream now and think "I've really had enough of this now, I'd like my Mum back now please!" I have found this year without her the hardest by far as the realty begins to sink in.
It must be so tough to have lost your Mum on her birthday. It would have been my Mum's birthday today. 
I know many people say that time is a great healer and the pain gets easier, but currently I'm really not sure I will ever get used to life without her. So much has changed in my life since I lost her and I so want to be sure that she knows where myself and my kids are now, that we're happier, and so wish she could have been here to see it, share it with us.

I hope you are doing alright as the anniversaries come round. Thinking of you.....it's just so tough 

Hello there

being 'a bloke' is neither here nor there you're just a human being who has lost his mum and it's a painful process as I know having lost my own mum nearly 3 years ago now. I'm guessing as you say your partner became pregnant in 2019 that you are still relatively young and that does make your loss more difficult. I imagine you thought your mum would see & love her grandchild & that also makes it harder to bear. My mum was 89 & I was 67 & so it really was part of the 'natural order of things' in that parents normally die before their children & I didn't feel it was the sort of loss you seem to be experiencing although I miss her daily & will, I suppose, until I die. But I carry on & I'm content. Grief, however & wherever it comes from is a process & you have to allow that process to take place no matter how hard it is. You say you managed to put it all in a box never to be opened again. I can tell you that the box is never closed because it is never meant to be closed. It's a box full of you & your mum & all the memories & love you had between you. Why would you want to close it? Let all those memories & feelings out of that box & if & when you do some lovely things will begin to happen. You'll cry buckets I'm sure but that's ok because crying releases the pain if only you will let it. As you do, all the lovely memories you have will take over & you'll begin to re-live them & they will make you smile & you will begin to feel grateful that you had your mum for as long as you did. This is the process of grief. Your mum brought you into the world to live a life & all lives involve happy & very sad times I'm absolutely sure she would want you to be happy alongside the sadness you have until the sadness is tolerable & then goes away. Don't be afraid of being sad & crying it leads to freedom from the pain you feel now & it's what your mum bringing you into the world was about in a way. She wanted you to have LIFE & that's both joy & sadness. Be happy for yourself & your mum because she would want you to be. xx

Hello there

being 'a bloke' is neither here nor there you're just a human being who has lost his mum and it's a painful process as I know having lost my own mum nearly 3 years ago now. I'm guessing as you say your partner became pregnant in 2019 that you are still relatively young and that does make your loss more difficult. I imagine you thought your mum would see & love her grandchild & that also makes it harder to bear. My mum was 89 & I was 67 & so it really was part of the 'natural order of things' in that parents normally die before their children & I didn't feel it was the sort of loss you seem to be experiencing although I miss her daily & will, I suppose, until I die. But I carry on & I'm content. Grief, however & wherever it comes from is a process & you have to allow that process to take place no matter how hard it is. You say you managed to put it all in a box never to be opened again. I can tell you that the box is never closed because it is never meant to be closed. It's a box full of you & your mum & all the memories & love you had between you. Why would you want to close it? Let all those memories & feelings out of that box & if & when you do some lovely things will begin to happen. You'll cry buckets I'm sure but that's ok because crying releases the pain if only you will let it. As you do, all the lovely memories you have will take over & you'll begin to re-live them & they will make you smile & you will begin to feel grateful that you had your mum for as long as you did. This is the process of grief. Your mum brought you into the world to live a life & all lives involve happy & very sad times I'm absolutely sure she would want you to be happy alongside the sadness you have until the sadness is tolerable & then goes away. Don't be afraid of being sad & crying it leads to freedom from the pain you feel now & it's what your mum bringing you into the world was about in a way. She wanted you to have LIFE & that's both joy & sadness. Be happy for yourself & your mum because she would want you to be. xx