Hi ya .. so so sorry you lost your lovely mum to this crule cancer .. it sucks big time ..

Now my mum was my best buddy too .. we were always together .. she was at mine at least three times a week .. adored my boys .. she was a huge part of my life .. I'd imagined how I would ever cope without her .. and would cry at the thought .. she was my world like your mum with you ..

I was the same as you .. instead of reacting how I thought .. l just felt calm and piecfull ... it felt she was saying to me, I'm right here beside you .. and over the years have called on her when things got overwhelming in life .. and something would happen to solve it .. 

Lots of things have happened there's no other explanation for ... the last thing was the day I was diagnosed with breast cancer... feathers appeared everywhere,  esp in my bra .. l found them daily .. the day I was told it was contained after my masectomy... and low risk of spread they stopped...

I think sometimes when you are so very close, you don't need to cry .. they are still close, we just can't see them .. though something may happen .. music or a smell or a memory and the tears will come .. but just go with it .. l always say it's those that don't cry, that hurt the most .. we were blessed with amazing mum's.. don't cry because we loose them... smile because you were blessed to have had them in our lives...  Chrissie

I am so so sorry u lost ur mum, i did when i was 11 so i know what’s ur going through the truth is I think my body went into shock as I found a strange calmness and went back to school 2 weeks later, even now 4 years later I feel ok I definitely go through periods were I grieve and feel so upset for sometimes days to weeks on end but because of my family and friends I always feel ok, actually Better than ok. It hurts so bad but there r days when the pain eases and I feel almost normal so don’t feel bad for feeling calm it doesn’t not mean u care less. We all grieve differently. Sending my love and prayers. Ceal xx 

Hi you could be avoiding the grief to honest i cauld say all sorts but dont worry we all have our own ways of dealing with things its probably just the way you made when my mum died i i didnt feel much but i was there at the hospit and i told mum i loved her and thanked her it took eight days for her to go eventualy she was asleep for about five days we are a big family so there was a lot of siblings at her side i think it was almost an act of atrision i had done and i i was there i i didnt feel guilt or anything just glad she went peacfuly  and i was ok .when dad died i was in holiday that hit me bad .my partner died just over a year ago that realy hit me big time i think i was in shock for 4 months then the loneliness disapeard because i i felt her i miss her terribly her daughter was hopless hardly came and didnt behave very well think she was trying to blame me and take on her guilt  so you see we react diffrently if you feel ok dont feel guilty about it just take it as it comes and you will be ok the pain dwi dles i say to everyone try counciling you can ask a trained counciler and they can just listen it may help you as you seem unsure of yourself but then who isnt there no book on how to be i also  talked like you will to many people and one lady i cant thank enough realy helped me still is its two way st and she has become a friend even thoe ive never physically met her  so sorry about your mum it sucks cancer they say all is ok then it comes back so you never know that i think is the worst its a cruel desease and the media bombards us with it every hour of the day it needs to be stopped its immoral in my opinnion .so hope you are ok i say hope but we all are eventualy diffrent maybe better people more understanding .paul

Hi Laura

I'm so sorry to hear you're lost your mother, it's still early days for you and you could still be in a state of shock, by feeling numb it is a way that our brain lets us cope with grief. Grief is such a unique thing, it is different for everyone. I lost my mother nearly seven months ago and I'm still waiting to fall apart. Like you I was extremely close to my mother, my two children adored her and she loved the very bones of them. I would see her everyday, quite simply my best friend. I miss her so very much.

Here I am nearly seven months on and I still ask myself why am I not constantly in tears and just carrying on with my life without my lovely mother here. Also like you I think she is looking down thinking look at her she's carrying on like she doesn't care.

I sometimes think I am avoiding it and I find it easier to pretend my mother is still in her house of course I know this is not true. Then I think what good would it do if I was incapacitated by grief. I know my mother wouldn't want that it would break her heart. I'm sure your mother would feel the same. Also I think I'm being strong for my children I have to be, they I feel have been through enough as it is. I have explained to them it's ok to cry or not to. 

I have read there is no right or wrong to grieve, I know I didn't ask to be like this I always thought I would be unable to get out of bed if anything happened to my mother.  How the hell would I cope. Do what feels right for you, I'm sure your mother is proud of how you are coping. 

Don't worry about other people, you know how much you loved your mother and she knew how much you loved her. That's all that matters, people expect you to be a certain way after losing a loved one and these are people who are lucky enough not to have experienced a loss. 

Take Care

X x x 

Thank you so much for your kind words. I am sorry that you too have lost your mum. I think that’s the thing....I still feel her around me and my heart is so full of the love we have for each other. 

A few strange things have happened here too. You know how they say, if a robin visits you, then it’s sent from a loved one in heaven to say ‘Hello....I love you’ ? Well I’ve always thought it was a load of rubbish......it’s just a robin in the garden. Then a week after Mum died......we found a robin sitting on my sons bed!! His window wasn’t even open! I’ve changed my mind slightly now!

So pleased to hear your breast cancer was all contained. I wish you all the best x

So sorry to hear of all the tragic loss you have suffered. I think you’re right.....the thought of the pain of grief is making me avoid the truth. 

Like you I was with my mum when she died. I held her hand tight, kissed her head and told her how very much I love her. So fortunately I feel very thankful

L

I’m so sorry to hear that you lost your mum at such a young age. Most of the time I feel so very thankful for so much. My heart goes out to you 

L

So sorry you lost your mum too. It sounds like our feelings are almost identical. My mum was my best friend and, even if I didn’t see her we’d speak on the phone at least once a day....if not 3 or 4 times! It feels like I am pretending too that she is just at her house especially as it really feels like she isn’t gone.

Youre so right.....what good would it be if I was inconsolable? And I too have been trying to be strong for the children. They both adored mum too and my poor son has had this happen right at the beginning of his GCSES.....Mum would be mortified!

You’re also right in saying that our mum’s would hate to see us hurting. The day they told my mum that the cancer had progressed she said to me ‘The worst thing about this is knowing I am going to have to hurt you all’ But those are the words of a woman who knows how very much she is loved. 

Tough day today as it would have been Mum and Dad’s Golden Wedding and she was so looking forward to it. Next week we are going to France on our family holiday. Dad and I thought Mum would want us all to go still and fortunately it’s somewhere we haven’t been with Mum so we can just get away from everything for a week. I’m sure she’ll be with us.

Maybe we are not numb, maybe we’re just full of the strength and love that our Mum’s have given us so that we’re much more able to cope than we ever thought possible. 

L

Well how lovely that must have been a great comfort for you and your mum thats trobably why you feel not so bad and why not you did all you could .paul 

Hi Laura

Just wanted to reply back. It still doesn't feel my mother has gone and in all honesty I don't think it ever will feel real. Someone who I saw everyday just not being here its as if my brain and heart just won't accept. I would talk to my mother about anything and everything. I still wish her goodnight everynight.

Your mother sounds like mine she said sonething similar to us before she passed, she worried about us all and how we would cope especially her grandchildren.  I do fully believe my mother watches over us, giving us strength to go on and she will continue to do so. A love so strong surely never stop exsisting. I do feel very blessed I had the mother I had. Wish I had her for longer that what we did I feel so cheated and it hurts that she is not here to see my children grow. I hope your son does well in his GCSE's, I'm sure your mother will be proud of him.

I hope you get through today the best way you all can,  your mother will always be part of you and your children. Wishing you a peaceful holiday in France be sure your mother will be with you.

Thinking of you x x x