Hiya. Created this account just to quickly reply to your message.

You're in survival mode, it's totally normal. I'm just a knuckle dragger that works in a factory but my two pennies is this:

Basically your brain is protecting itself. When your mom died you suddenly found yourself with a whole pile of sh*t that needs sorting. On top of that you had your dad to be strong for and your love for him outweighs your own emotional needs - because you're a good person, congratulations! 

That stuff needs to get done, and being debilitated by grief and sadness is going to make you less productive, so your brain shuts that stuff off for now.

It's gonna hit you. With me it really started to catch me around 6 months afterwards, and one year on, being my birthday yesterday, it's being catching me out here and there. Don't be afraid of that though; it's not some crushing cataclysmic event that hits you like a tidal wave. It's little moments. I keep going to phone her. It's like a weird mental double take. It hurts but it's an ache, not a stab.

You'll be ok. You adored her. She knew it.

Hang in there buddy.

Neil from Birmingham

Hiya. Created this account just to quickly reply to your message.

You're in survival mode, it's totally normal. I'm just a knuckle dragger that works in a factory but my two pennies is this:

Basically your brain is protecting itself. When your mom died you suddenly found yourself with a whole pile of sh*t that needs sorting. On top of that you had your dad to be strong for and your love for him outweighs your own emotional needs - because you're a good person, congratulations! 

That stuff needs to get done, and being debilitated by grief and sadness is going to make you less productive, so your brain shuts that stuff off for now.

It's gonna hit you. With me it really started to catch me around 6 months afterwards, and one year on, being my birthday yesterday, it's being catching me out here and there. Don't be afraid of that though; it's not some crushing cataclysmic event that hits you like a tidal wave. It's little moments. I keep going to phone her. It's like a weird mental double take. It hurts but it's an ache, not a stab.

You'll be ok. You adored her. She knew it.

Hang in there buddy.

Neil from Birmingham

Hi Neil

Thank you for going to so much trouble to comment on my post. Your two pennies worth was truly appreciated.

So sorry to hear you too have lost your Mum. It is very nearly two years ago now since I lost my Mum. The numbness has definitely worn off now. It's strange as I thought all the "firsts" that came around without her here, first Christmas, first birthday, first Mother's Day, all now seemed a lot easier to deal with than all the "seconds"! Mother's Day was particularly tough this year. 

There have been so many drastic changes to my life since I lost Mum that would have been difficult enough to cope with if she were here, so muddling through it without her sage advice and unrelenting support has been very tough. Like you, I'll find myself reaching for the phone (there were some days when we'd talk on the phone several times and we almost never went without chatting at least once) and I'm forever thinking "I must tell Mum that later" and then my tummy lurches as I painfully remember that I can't. The wonderful thing though, about the fact that I knew her like the back of my hand, is that I generally know exactly what she would have said or advised and that feels very much like her life long gift to me. I just stop and think "What would Mum say?" and know, without question.

Thanks again for getting in touch, it was a lovely message. Happy birthday for yesterday, hope you had a lovely day 

Laura