Hi Jane,

I am so sorry to hear about your mam's passing and I offer my sincere condolences. It is not at all unusual to find it difficult to let go of the image of her in her final weeks. This is always very distressing.With the passage of time you will begin to remeber happier times and better memories will come to the fore.

I lost my mum to cancer 21 years ago and I still miss her every day. In the past 4 months I have also lost my parents-in-law, who were like parents to me. My father-in-law's funeral was on 8th February. He died within 6 days of diagnosis and, we are all still reeling at the speed with which he went.

Losing your mam is never easy. You will hear something and think 'oh I must tell mam about that' and then suddenly, you're brought down to earth by the fact that she is no longer here to tell. I have kept a picture of my mum in a prominent place and, especially in the early days, I would talk to her photo instead. This may sound daft, but I have had great solace from that over the years. We still have our one-way conversations, but they are less frequent these days than they were at the beginning.

I haven't done grief counselling myself, but know of people who have been helped by it. There's really no reason why you can't try it. It will leave you no worse off. You will either find it helpful or not. If you don't you will be no worse off than you are at present. I tried it ordinary counselling when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer and, found it really painful to bare my soul to a stranger. I thought that my first session was disasterous, but it did work for me, now that I look back on it. It seems so much easier if you 'click' with the counsellor.

Do you have family and friends to support you through your grief? It helps so much to be able to talk to them about your mam.

I do hope that you can try counselling and, that you find it works for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jane, 

Im so sorry for your loss, it’s absolutely horrendous isn’t it? That was my first experience seeing someone die from cancer and the cancer our mums both had was a very aggressive one, it’s still early days for both of us but yours is still only 1 month, it’s so traumatising what you have just been through, I’m deeply sorry for you and your family and hope your rheumatoid arthritis gets better, that was something my mum suffered with and I remember the pain she used to constantly be in with it, hope you start to feel better soon, take care, all my love Josie xxxx

Thank you Jolamine, my little girl is 3 so it’s such a difficult age but I’ve been honest and open with her and yet she still can’t understand why she can’t see or hug her nanny, it’s such a shame but that’s life I suppose, Thankyou for your kind words of support.

Josie xxx

Hi Josie,

It is difficult to try and explain to a 3 year old why her nanny is no longer here., but it is also amazing how matter of fact they can be.  Could you start looking for the brightest star in the sky for example? Many children can accept something like this.

Counsellors are also good at explaining death to children. Do you have a Maggie's centre nearby. They have people who could help both you and you daughter in the situation you find yourselves in. Your GP could possibly also recommend other people locally who could help you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine,

Thank you for your comforting words and advice of keeping a picture of mam close by this has helped immensely. So sorry to hear about your breast cancer.  I hope and pray you beat it. 

Thank you and take care 

Jane

Hi Josie,

Thankyou for your kind words. It is horrendous losing a loved one and I can only hope we all get some comfort in time and that we all find some happiness in our memories for all our lost loved ones.

Take care of yourself

Jane xx

Hi Jane,

I am glad to hear that you find having a picture of your mam close by has been a help. i found this to be of great solace over the years. Life will get better again with the passage of time, but it does take time.

Thinking of you.

Kind regards,
Jolamine xx

Hi im so sorry to hear about your mum I lost my mum last year with lung cancer I have experienced the same my mum wouldn't talk to me about anything  she always kept it all in I wish I could do more I'm sure in time it will get easier  by time all I do is think off all the happy times that you had with your mum do some things that you used to do together 

I understand Jessie my husband died 11 months ago with stage4 non small cell cancer it’s a struggle everyday and people think you should be coping with it  not that easy it’s a struggle everyday but you take care of yourself big hugs annie x