Hi Josie,

So sorry to hear about your mum. My story is extremely similar to yours. My mam passed on 11th Feb 2019 after losing her battle against small cell lung cancer. She was diagnosed out of the blue in November 2018 due to passing out whilst stationary in the car and taken to A&E. She would not talk about it as she didn't want to burden us. She had a short spell in hospital in January and was told they could do no more for her so we brought her home and looked after her in her final week. I too am constantly thinking about her final weeks and the grim few days and day she passed. I feel like it is not real and can't get my head around the fact I will never see her or be able to speak to her again. Then to top the lot I have a really bad flare of my Rheaumatoid arthritis due to the stress, which is getting me down even more. It has only been a month since mam passed but I am finding it so hard. Has anyone done grief counselling and does it work ?

Hi Jane,

I am so sorry to hear about your mam's passing and I offer my sincere condolences. It is not at all unusual to find it difficult to let go of the image of her in her final weeks. This is always very distressing.With the passage of time you will begin to remeber happier times and better memories will come to the fore.

I lost my mum to cancer 21 years ago and I still miss her every day. In the past 4 months I have also lost my parents-in-law, who were like parents to me. My father-in-law's funeral was on 8th February. He died within 6 days of diagnosis and, we are all still reeling at the speed with which he went.

Losing your mam is never easy. You will hear something and think 'oh I must tell mam about that' and then suddenly, you're brought down to earth by the fact that she is no longer here to tell. I have kept a picture of my mum in a prominent place and, especially in the early days, I would talk to her photo instead. This may sound daft, but I have had great solace from that over the years. We still have our one-way conversations, but they are less frequent these days than they were at the beginning.

I haven't done grief counselling myself, but know of people who have been helped by it. There's really no reason why you can't try it. It will leave you no worse off. You will either find it helpful or not. If you don't you will be no worse off than you are at present. I tried it ordinary counselling when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer and, found it really painful to bare my soul to a stranger. I thought that my first session was disasterous, but it did work for me, now that I look back on it. It seems so much easier if you 'click' with the counsellor.

Do you have family and friends to support you through your grief? It helps so much to be able to talk to them about your mam.

I do hope that you can try counselling and, that you find it works for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jane,

I am so sorry to hear about your mam's passing and I offer my sincere condolences. It is not at all unusual to find it difficult to let go of the image of her in her final weeks. This is always very distressing.With the passage of time you will begin to remeber happier times and better memories will come to the fore.

I lost my mum to cancer 21 years ago and I still miss her every day. In the past 4 months I have also lost my parents-in-law, who were like parents to me. My father-in-law's funeral was on 8th February. He died within 6 days of diagnosis and, we are all still reeling at the speed with which he went.

Losing your mam is never easy. You will hear something and think 'oh I must tell mam about that' and then suddenly, you're brought down to earth by the fact that she is no longer here to tell. I have kept a picture of my mum in a prominent place and, especially in the early days, I would talk to her photo instead. This may sound daft, but I have had great solace from that over the years. We still have our one-way conversations, but they are less frequent these days than they were at the beginning.

I haven't done grief counselling myself, but know of people who have been helped by it. There's really no reason why you can't try it. It will leave you no worse off. You will either find it helpful or not. If you don't you will be no worse off than you are at present. I tried it ordinary counselling when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer and, found it really painful to bare my soul to a stranger. I thought that my first session was disasterous, but it did work for me, now that I look back on it. It seems so much easier if you 'click' with the counsellor.

Do you have family and friends to support you through your grief? It helps so much to be able to talk to them about your mam.

I do hope that you can try counselling and, that you find it works for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine,

Thank you for your comforting words and advice of keeping a picture of mam close by this has helped immensely. So sorry to hear about your breast cancer.  I hope and pray you beat it. 

Thank you and take care 

Jane

Hi Jane,

I am glad to hear that you find having a picture of your mam close by has been a help. i found this to be of great solace over the years. Life will get better again with the passage of time, but it does take time.

Thinking of you.

Kind regards,
Jolamine xx