My mum has died from lung cancer and I’m heartbroken

It’s been nearly 9 months now since my mum lost her battle with small cell lung cancer, no sooner was she diagnosed she was gone, she was also in denial and I could not talk to her or tell her how I felt and I also didn’t get the opportunity to listen to how she felt because she did not want to talk about it and no one could even mention the word cancer to her  so she ended up suffering in silence fearing that she would upset us, I feel so broken and lost without her and the only thing I seem to constantly think about is the horrendous suffering she went through, I tried so hard to help but don’t feel like I did enough for her although everyone disagrees and says I’m beating myself up as I was there everyday but I just can’t help these strong feeling of guilt.

i miss her so much but the only memories I seem to think about are her final months from diagnosis to when she died and it’s causing me so much pain that it’s haunting me and I don’t know what to do, it’s almost like I’m having flashbacks, when she passed I did not cry and carried on as normal for my daughter and I think I’ve blocked everything and caused myself more problems by doing so because it keeps popping back into my mind randomly. Seeing and caring for someone you love with cancer is the worst thing ever and those feeling of hopelessness are so painful, everybody just expects you to be over it now and life goes on but I feel like it’s only just hit me now after 9 months and I have nobody who understands what I’m going through and I feel so lost.

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  • Hi Josie,

    So sorry to hear about your mum. My story is extremely similar to yours. My mam passed on 11th Feb 2019 after losing her battle against small cell lung cancer. She was diagnosed out of the blue in November 2018 due to passing out whilst stationary in the car and taken to A&E. She would not talk about it as she didn't want to burden us. She had a short spell in hospital in January and was told they could do no more for her so we brought her home and looked after her in her final week. I too am constantly thinking about her final weeks and the grim few days and day she passed. I feel like it is not real and can't get my head around the fact I will never see her or be able to speak to her again. Then to top the lot I have a really bad flare of my Rheaumatoid arthritis due to the stress, which is getting me down even more. It has only been a month since mam passed but I am finding it so hard. Has anyone done grief counselling and does it work ?

  • Hi Jane, 

    Im so sorry for your loss, it’s absolutely horrendous isn’t it? That was my first experience seeing someone die from cancer and the cancer our mums both had was a very aggressive one, it’s still early days for both of us but yours is still only 1 month, it’s so traumatising what you have just been through, I’m deeply sorry for you and your family and hope your rheumatoid arthritis gets better, that was something my mum suffered with and I remember the pain she used to constantly be in with it, hope you start to feel better soon, take care, all my love Josie xxxx

  • Hi Josie,

    Thankyou for your kind words. It is horrendous losing a loved one and I can only hope we all get some comfort in time and that we all find some happiness in our memories for all our lost loved ones.

    Take care of yourself

    Jane xx

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