I lost my dad 3 days ago. I'm 32, reading your post mirrored everything I feel. We have a family business, when he was diagnosed a year ago, my world came crashing down, and I had to suddenly run this very hard business, all on my own. I did it at the expense of my own mental health, it ruined me as a person to the point I couldn't continue and had to say I couldn't do it. But we had a plan to sell it, he had so much stuff in the workshop. We didn't get to sort it out as he's been so ill. 
I thought I was prepared for the worst with what could happen, he died with me my brother his mum and wife cuddling him in our family home. 
Ever since the pain has been too much, he meant everything to me the same as your father did, and things your saying I feel exactly the same, I don't like hearing people say " he's not suffering now" etc. my brother seems to be taking it better than me. I wake up crying my eyes out, I honestly feel like I need to go and find him, I'm so sad and hurt I feel I want to die and be with him. 
how are you feeling now some time has passed ? Do things get better 

I was 31, I lost my dad 2 weeks before I had his first grandchild, 

I am here to tell you I promise you it gets better and as above, maneagable. Even with a new baby I wanted to be with him and had all the same thoughts, there is no other way to describe it, the pain is a physical pain in your heart and the emotions are a rollercoaster. 
 

I am 3 years on, I had the baby, I went ahead with the big white wedding we had pulled forward for my dad and I am about to have my second. Some days are hard, but there was a turning point when the tears stopped every day and the thoughts became happy ones, promise. 

Thank you for the encouraging message x

Thank you for the encouraging message x