Hi there ...

So so sorry you lost your mum ... l know your feeling overwhelmed right now ... bless ya ...

This is just my thoughts but hope they help a little ..

I fell out with my oldest son ... that was 5 years ago ... although l reached out a few times to tell him how much I adored him .. even my cancer didn't help bridge that gap ... but I'm talking as a mum that may not have still been here due to my grade 3 cancer ...

The one thing that hold in my heart is , nothing in this world could ever stop me loving him ... nothing he does or feels or even if I don't get that mirical of having him back in my life ... l know deep down he does love me .. I'm sure your mum would feel the same ... and if this cancer ever takes me .. he'd be the one I'd worry most about ... he will always be my baby ... I've left the record "I've loved you for a thousand years" so maybe then he'll know how much he was loved ...

If anyone reads these threads and have a loved one they are not talking too ... reach out ... always keep your heart open ... don't bring up the past ... look forward .. and if like me you get no reply, at least you tried ... 

So my hunny ... try to forgive yourself ... write your mum a letter ... then put a match to it, and it'll get to her ... and if she loves you like I love my son, you'll get a vertual hug from her ... we all have regrets and "what ifs"  the lesson is to hold on tight to those we love ... and know little or big things can be sorted if we can look forward instead of back .. and shes still with you, you are half of her ... she's right there in your heart ... Chrissie

Hi Chrissie.

thank you for your kind words. I just wish I had made the first move and told her I love her.

i love your idea regarding writing a letter and will do that-and I hope she knows how much I loved her. 

I hope you you and your son make up one day and I’m glad you are on the mend.

mel x

Mel, I am heartbroken for you and my experience is so different to yours but this I can tell you, never doubt that your mum knew you loved her and loved you back even more! I have lost my mum who I was very close to and I have a friend who has also lost his mum, (they were very close but he, like me at times can be hard work) and he said to me once, I never told her how much I appreciated her.... I told him immediately like I’m telling you, as a parent you never expect your children to tell you those things, you just know, and a parents love for their child is exactly the same regardless of any disagreement (unless they have committed the most horrific of crimes maybe) so please if nothing else, take from this that she knew you loved her, she loved you!!! please do not torture yourself xxx

Mel, I am heartbroken for you and my experience is so different to yours but this I can tell you, never doubt that your mum knew you loved her and loved you back even more! I have lost my mum who I was very close to and I have a friend who has also lost his mum, (they were very close but he, like me at times can be hard work) and he said to me once, I never told her how much I appreciated her.... I told him immediately like I’m telling you, as a parent you never expect your children to tell you those things, you just know, and a parents love for their child is exactly the same regardless of any disagreement (unless they have committed the most horrific of crimes maybe) so please if nothing else, take from this that she knew you loved her, she loved you!!! please do not torture yourself xxx