Hi there ...

So so sorry you lost your mum ... l know your feeling overwhelmed right now ... bless ya ...

This is just my thoughts but hope they help a little ..

I fell out with my oldest son ... that was 5 years ago ... although l reached out a few times to tell him how much I adored him .. even my cancer didn't help bridge that gap ... but I'm talking as a mum that may not have still been here due to my grade 3 cancer ...

The one thing that hold in my heart is , nothing in this world could ever stop me loving him ... nothing he does or feels or even if I don't get that mirical of having him back in my life ... l know deep down he does love me .. I'm sure your mum would feel the same ... and if this cancer ever takes me .. he'd be the one I'd worry most about ... he will always be my baby ... I've left the record "I've loved you for a thousand years" so maybe then he'll know how much he was loved ...

If anyone reads these threads and have a loved one they are not talking too ... reach out ... always keep your heart open ... don't bring up the past ... look forward .. and if like me you get no reply, at least you tried ... 

So my hunny ... try to forgive yourself ... write your mum a letter ... then put a match to it, and it'll get to her ... and if she loves you like I love my son, you'll get a vertual hug from her ... we all have regrets and "what ifs"  the lesson is to hold on tight to those we love ... and know little or big things can be sorted if we can look forward instead of back .. and shes still with you, you are half of her ... she's right there in your heart ... Chrissie

Hi there you know people fall out its life but dont you think the realy shamful thing is that your stepdad and mum didnt ring to let you know before she died that was terrible and aimed from him to make you feel bad ime astouned he wasnt man enough to do that and he is trying to make you guilty what crissie said about writing a letter sounds good . Dont feel guilty unfortunatly false guilt seem to go with grief if you had been the perfect son or daughter your mind would find something guilt about just hold on you will work it out yourself when you get more level then you will realise what they did your stepdad is the one that should feel guilt but be a bigger person than him and pity him hes angry and wants to blame somone when anything happens in this world whats tthe first thing thats said whos fault is it . Thats just what he is doing men seem to get angry its the way we are .cancer is to blame i got it when my partner died even though i did everything i could her daughter turned on me .but shes hurting more than i for doing it because she lost a true friend i would have been there for till the day i die .best wishs .paul

Thank you Paul for your kind words.

i know he’s angry but if he could realise I lost my mum as well through all of this, but I understand that people like to  focus their anger on someone. 

I just wish I was there to make peace and say my goodbyes before and I’m angry at him but could never take it out on him as we are both grieving.

take care all the best

mel 

Hi i lost my partner 9 monts ago your stepdad will not be able to think of anything but the loss of your mum give him time he may change . Neither of you will be thinking straight just hold on the pain a guilt your feeling will dwindle you cant change whats happend neither should you feel guilty either but will griefs horrid but it does change as time goes by what a wonderfull world it would be if we all had hinsight but we dont your not alone many have had the same feelings including me .try bereavement counciling it will realy help you it realy helps to get rid of the guilt .p

Mel, I am heartbroken for you and my experience is so different to yours but this I can tell you, never doubt that your mum knew you loved her and loved you back even more! I have lost my mum who I was very close to and I have a friend who has also lost his mum, (they were very close but he, like me at times can be hard work) and he said to me once, I never told her how much I appreciated her.... I told him immediately like I’m telling you, as a parent you never expect your children to tell you those things, you just know, and a parents love for their child is exactly the same regardless of any disagreement (unless they have committed the most horrific of crimes maybe) so please if nothing else, take from this that she knew you loved her, she loved you!!! please do not torture yourself xxx

Hi Mel

My name's Daniel

I hope you don't mind me contacting you, I don't want to drag up any hurt if you're moving on from it. 

I saw your post while I was searching for answers to my own predicament like yours. 

My mum died 2.5 years ago, quite suddenly. We had a massive fall out and not spoken in almost 4 years. In November it will be 7 years, but I know two things for sure.

Despite the fall out, I loved her with all my heart. 

And deep down I know she loved me too.

That's all that matters really. The event that came about you can't change. It was a moment in time.

And like your love for each other, no matter what words were said, the love is always there. It can't be changed.

I hope you found the same conclusion with your own relationship. If not I'm sure you will.

I'm sorry to dig this up for you but I hope you fine peace.

Drop me a line if you ever need to download stuff x

Beat wishes

Dan

The thing is you never know when these things will happen don't blame yourself my dad died and although I never told him I love him even when he was dying we both know we loved each other just our personalities rather the same meant we never did we just didn't like saying it and I don't say it a lot now it's just my personality dosent mean I don't love people in my life if I'm not like that in general I can't force it when someone is dying because I get embarrassed saying it my dad would probably say something stupid like course we do don't be soppy on me so don't feel bad and also don't feel upset about having a row lots of us have regrets I regret lots of things I've done like seeing my dads walking a few meters away and not running up to him to see how he was cause I thought I wouldn't catch him up after shouting and him not hearing I regret not checking on him often but I know it's a part of life I will learn from like when my mum used to say please come to see me and I used to think it's too far can't be bothered I probably won't do that again or maybe not as often cause parents get older and need support my dad suffered in silence he tried to tell us but no one understood learn from whatever mistake and move on to make you a better person  it's awful you heard after your mum passing the shame should be on whoever waited 6?week to tell you