Hi,

I really feel for you and know exactly where you are coming from with this traumatic memory.

My wife passed away at the end of November after a two and a half year battle against breast cancer which had spread onto her lungs, she was 46. She also had Dermatomyositis which was a huge contributing factor in her passing, plus I think the chemo had a lot to answer for too, it's nasty stuff and in some cases causes just as much damage if not more than the cancer!!!  She had 18 chemo treatments, 8 blood transfusions and a whole assortment of pills and injections on a daily basis.  Her passing was very traumatic and in truth bordering quite horrific!

The whole combination of everything she went through and the way in which she passed away torments and tortures me on a daily basis, I get angry, frustrated, feel helpless and end up crying to the point of exhaustion.  I just can't make any sense of it because there are so many wrongs about what happened to my wife, I hate it all.  

I am seeing a counsellor now, but progress with them is slow because I've dug my heels in and I can't see a future for me without my wife. We were supposed to grow old together!!!

I can't really offer any advice as to how you get through this, as I still haven't figured that out for myself yet!  But, you're not alone in feeling how you do, I guess it's all part of the grief process, but I'm certain it'll never go away and I don't think it'll ever get easier.  I guess as we go forward it won't be so painful, but somehow in our lives we just adapt to accommodate those memories and live with them.  Wouldn't it be so much easier if we could wind back the clock!

James x

Hi,

I really feel for you and know exactly where you are coming from with this traumatic memory.

My wife passed away at the end of November after a two and a half year battle against breast cancer which had spread onto her lungs, she was 46. She also had Dermatomyositis which was a huge contributing factor in her passing, plus I think the chemo had a lot to answer for too, it's nasty stuff and in some cases causes just as much damage if not more than the cancer!!!  She had 18 chemo treatments, 8 blood transfusions and a whole assortment of pills and injections on a daily basis.  Her passing was very traumatic and in truth bordering quite horrific!

The whole combination of everything she went through and the way in which she passed away torments and tortures me on a daily basis, I get angry, frustrated, feel helpless and end up crying to the point of exhaustion.  I just can't make any sense of it because there are so many wrongs about what happened to my wife, I hate it all.  

I am seeing a counsellor now, but progress with them is slow because I've dug my heels in and I can't see a future for me without my wife. We were supposed to grow old together!!!

I can't really offer any advice as to how you get through this, as I still haven't figured that out for myself yet!  But, you're not alone in feeling how you do, I guess it's all part of the grief process, but I'm certain it'll never go away and I don't think it'll ever get easier.  I guess as we go forward it won't be so painful, but somehow in our lives we just adapt to accommodate those memories and live with them.  Wouldn't it be so much easier if we could wind back the clock!

James x