Hi ellie try and relax if you can .its realy realy hard i know . Sounds like you realy need some counciling i would have a word with hr or your manager there obligated to help plus if they have lost a loved one they should understand just bite the bullet and go to the gym if you sit at home alone it makes it much worse go out with your friend .i stopped doing anything after my partner died end of april but eventualy i forced myself to go for walks etc but i did get bereavement counciling strait away and it realy helped if yout so stressed out go see your gp they can help with anxiaty and counciling .its realy early for you so dont worry how your feeling as we go a bit crazy trying to fathom out the unfathomable but it does get easier how long varies on you .but hold onto this thought that this horrible feeling your having now will not last they say its the price we pay for love but slowely it eases so c how you go on. ring and chat to anyone you can slowly it gets better .theres the samaritans 24/7 they will chat theres the cruise bereavment helpline mc millan helpling and here .all these are freephone freephone numbers.and they are so kind just ring them say ime stuggling and need help and they will give as much help as much as they can but you just need to ask.there arm many people on hear who understand so keep talking till you talked out by then you will ! Feel better .so best wishs to you and your family paul

Hello Ellie,everything Paul says is so right .

What is happening to you is the nightmare that can follow a loss such as yours ,my fear for you is that you will just collapse with exhaustion ,no one body can continue as you are ,you know that ,you are recognising you need help,love and support . Firstly i ask have you asked at work for compasionate leave ? secondly as Paul says I advise you to see your GP ,talk through your feelings  openly and honestly ,do not feel embarrased he/she will have much experience of loss and grief and will initially offer you certificated time off work,also will make contact on your behalf with bereavement councillors if those are your wishes,i implore you to accept . Like Paul i had wonderful support from a councillor as did my children when they lost their father ,i am forever grateful for that . Although work seems to take your mind away from your grief ,i can see it is actually not allowing you to grieve and unless you do and have time to do this and support and guidance whilst going through the process of acceptance and grieving you will be stuck in this downward spiral you feel you are trapped in . So speak to your boss ,go to your doctor both very positive steps forward for you ,use your time away from work to get your support ,go to the gym ,meet people ,friends old and new ,cry ,remember ,and know you will cope ,you will start feeling better ,you will smile again ,you will stop denying and start accepting,you will work through your anger and start remembering and be grateful for having times with your father,Of course there will be times all through your life when the sadness returns ,as things happen to us all we naturally want the ones we love to be there to share those moments ,but for now for your own sake think seriuosly about what Paul and I have both said. So many people here too to help you . Love to you .Carole

I know exactly what you’re saying. I’m so so sorry about your dad. It just seems unreal. My dad is still here but idk for how long. He was so healthy and then boom one day he can’t walk anymore and we’re told cancer with no cure and terrible prognosis. Almost lost him in my arms multiple times. He’s better now but it’s not the same. He can’t walk. Has no control over bladder. Sometimes he says things that don’t make sense. And he’s a doctor! To see him like this for a year is breaking me. I have so much HATE and ANGER towards everyone for some reason and I can’t stop. My relationship with my sister is destroyed. Cause I don’t get along with her husband and we’re all under one room right now taking care of my dad. My mom is loosing her mind. It’s a mess. I’m tired. I’m scared and I’m sad. I can physically feel pain in my heart. My neck and head hurt all the time. I don’t smile. I’m not happy. Sometimes idk if I want my dad to stay this Way or let him go and that’s a constant battle in my head. It’s a nightmare. I’m obsessed with my dad and this is killing me. I feel like the stress might actually kill me. Sorry I just went on. If you find something that helps please let me know. I’m too desperate also and need help coping 

Hi understand jo you poor lass you must be emotionaly exhausted thing is we loose a loved one we care for but who cares for the carrer eh we are left drained and after a few months the world carrys on and we are left time now to heal yourself well its early yet so so you just cant think straight but rest asured you will but not till you have mourned enough how long is up to you you can make it less painfull did you get some councilling to me it was helpfull but took a while at least every week i had someone to talk to that didnt change the subject a bereavement group or cafe may help so just hold on your pain will dwindle but not overnight its been 9 months since i lost my partner and ime not so bad but ime sure thats because i went out and got some help i new theres no magic bullet but it certainly made a diffrence .paul ps try a black arm band people will know your grieving it sounds old fashoned but some of the old ways are best your telling the world your grieving andain pain nd  we need to dont you feel compeld to tell people i do and so do many poor souls on here .paul

I've just come across your post & I can relate I lost my partner 6 weeks ago from pneumonia & stage 4 colon cancer I cared for him for 9 months from the day he was diagnosed in October 2021 he started chemotherapy in December as he had to have a stoma fitted due to a bowel blockage the chemo was working well at first up to March 2022 & even went back to work a few days a week all was looking good then in April he had a few major setbacks got acities & a bowel obstruction couldn't hardly eat or drink lost half his body weight aged 20 years & because of his major weight loss the chemo had to stop in June this year because of muscle wasting a few days later he went into hospital due to severe dehydration he died 2 days later from pneumonia I didn't expect this to happen I miss him so much he was my life & im struggling so much without him I'm back in work it does help a little with distraction but as soon as get home I cry I don't feel I'm getting any better in fact it's getting worse as time goes on I do take comfort that I was with him at the end but he was out of it I do hope he knows I was there & no longer in any pain.

Hi ime realy sorry to hear you lost your loved one its a pain you dont think was posible. you certainly did your best for him been a few years for me now since i lost liz but i still feel her around me so i never get lonely .you know they dont realy die there energy is indestructable there presence is gone but there energy is there to the end of time ime sure he's somewhere saying thats my girl she realy looked after me. i hope shes happy and not in pain .the pain does subside but it takes time been a few years now for me and although i know ill always miss liz ive come to terms with the fact like yourself that we did our best and by the sound of it your best was pretty dam good .