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My dad died 3 weeks ago and I'm going crazy

Ellie94
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Hi again, 

I am really really struggling to cope with life. My dad left us three weeks ago. I spent two and a half weeks at home with family, pretty much screaming and crying. But I had to come back to London three days ago to go back to work. I work 12h per day, with no break, in a very demanding office job. I'm 24, it's my first real job, and I know everyone struggles with long hours and I should not complain. I am finding it really hard to cope though. While on the one hand I am distracted all day which is good because I don't spend my days crying anymore, on the other hand I intereorise every emotion I have, come home exhausted and do not have any time to go see a therapist, or go to the gym to exteriorise my anger and frustration. As I probably have a total of 2 free hours in the day, I spend those hours trying to stop myself from thinking about my dad because if I do, I don't sleep. I am so angry at everyone and everything and I really feel like I'm going down hill. I love my dad, and I keep having dreams that I am in a prison and he comes to give me food. He is the only one who can make this better and every morning I wake up panicking and hoping it was all a horrible nightmare. I just don't see a way out of this misery, this denial, anger, frustration, depression and desbelief. I am really really struggling. I miss him SO damn much and I really really need him to come back. 

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    Hello Ellie,everything Paul says is so right .

    What is happening to you is the nightmare that can follow a loss such as yours ,my fear for you is that you will just collapse with exhaustion ,no one body can continue as you are ,you know that ,you are recognising you need help,love and support . Firstly i ask have you asked at work for compasionate leave ? secondly as Paul says I advise you to see your GP ,talk through your feelings  openly and honestly ,do not feel embarrased he/she will have much experience of loss and grief and will initially offer you certificated time off work,also will make contact on your behalf with bereavement councillors if those are your wishes,i implore you to accept . Like Paul i had wonderful support from a councillor as did my children when they lost their father ,i am forever grateful for that . Although work seems to take your mind away from your grief ,i can see it is actually not allowing you to grieve and unless you do and have time to do this and support and guidance whilst going through the process of acceptance and grieving you will be stuck in this downward spiral you feel you are trapped in . So speak to your boss ,go to your doctor both very positive steps forward for you ,use your time away from work to get your support ,go to the gym ,meet people ,friends old and new ,cry ,remember ,and know you will cope ,you will start feeling better ,you will smile again ,you will stop denying and start accepting,you will work through your anger and start remembering and be grateful for having times with your father,Of course there will be times all through your life when the sadness returns ,as things happen to us all we naturally want the ones we love to be there to share those moments ,but for now for your own sake think seriuosly about what Paul and I have both said. So many people here too to help you . Love to you .Carole

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    Hello Ellie,everything Paul says is so right .

    What is happening to you is the nightmare that can follow a loss such as yours ,my fear for you is that you will just collapse with exhaustion ,no one body can continue as you are ,you know that ,you are recognising you need help,love and support . Firstly i ask have you asked at work for compasionate leave ? secondly as Paul says I advise you to see your GP ,talk through your feelings  openly and honestly ,do not feel embarrased he/she will have much experience of loss and grief and will initially offer you certificated time off work,also will make contact on your behalf with bereavement councillors if those are your wishes,i implore you to accept . Like Paul i had wonderful support from a councillor as did my children when they lost their father ,i am forever grateful for that . Although work seems to take your mind away from your grief ,i can see it is actually not allowing you to grieve and unless you do and have time to do this and support and guidance whilst going through the process of acceptance and grieving you will be stuck in this downward spiral you feel you are trapped in . So speak to your boss ,go to your doctor both very positive steps forward for you ,use your time away from work to get your support ,go to the gym ,meet people ,friends old and new ,cry ,remember ,and know you will cope ,you will start feeling better ,you will smile again ,you will stop denying and start accepting,you will work through your anger and start remembering and be grateful for having times with your father,Of course there will be times all through your life when the sadness returns ,as things happen to us all we naturally want the ones we love to be there to share those moments ,but for now for your own sake think seriuosly about what Paul and I have both said. So many people here too to help you . Love to you .Carole

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