Hello Caroline; am so sorry you are having such a rough time. Of course you miss your husband even more when there is a family celebration and this should be a time when families come together.  Has your mum always been difficult in this way?  Does she have trouble when dealing with emotional subjects?  More to the point did she support you throughout your husband's illness and decease?  I know from personal experience that some people go over the top with gushing when there has been a death while others just shuffle awkwardly and try to avoid talking about it!  Also, sorry to ask questions, did your mum usually come to your daughters' birthday celebrations?  We would all like to think that mum would give us a shoulder to cry on and try to help in any way possible in your situation which is why I wondered if she was always a bit cold? 

I don't know if you have read this website's information about grief so am attaching a copy.  As the article states it is a very personal thing to each and every bereaved person.  However long it takes and whatever form it takes is personal to each bereaved person.

www.cancerresearchuk.org/.../coping-with-grief

My very best wishes to you and your family in this very difficult time.  Annie

My mum has always been like this and yes she has been to celebrations before but doesn’t stay that long. I have told myself there does come a time when even though she’s my mother I can’t go on having a person in my life like this. Since my husband was diagnosed she never seen him once even though I only live a 10 minute car journey away. 

My mum has always been like this and yes she has been to celebrations before but doesn’t stay that long. I have told myself there does come a time when even though she’s my mother I can’t go on having a person in my life like this. Since my husband was diagnosed she never seen him once even though I only live a 10 minute car journey away. 

Oh dear, that must be hurtful for you.    Maybe your children will want to have a relationship with her but that is of course up to them and it doesn't sound as though your mum is going to put much effort into this.  But you need to do what is right for you and your daughters following the loss of your husband and their father.  I am sure you talk about him at the family celebrations and keep his memory alive in many ways.  If your mother wants to join in then it is up to her to make the effort.  Is your father still around - I only ask because - if he has died - I wonder how she coped with that.  But your responsibility is really to yourself and your daughters now.  Do whatever feels right for yourself.  Annie