Hi there Caroline...

Oh my, your heart must be braking ... this first year is what l think is the raw year ... like a wound that does not heal ... you have been through a tramatic time ... and to have children, you have to care for day to day ... l think your doing an amazing job ... and yes birthdays and xmas and dad's day, they will all hurt ... what l did on my mum's birthday was go somewhere she loved, have a cream cake, and order a snowball drink, that she loved ... Xmas we had a chat about mum time ... and raised a glass up to her .. 

There are ways to bring him along on this path your all on, and share thoughts, hugs, and even a few tears with your kids .. I lost mum nearly 30 years ago, but we still talk about her lots of times .. 

One thing that does really make me so sad, is to have a mother like that... there is no excuse not to hold your child's hand through this time, no matter the age .. even if she had things in her past, so did my dad.. he was abused for years as a child, but turned out the most wonderful loveling dad ever .. 

If I'd been blessed to have had a daughter like you... I'd be so proud of you right now .. when l lost mum, my then hubby just said "everyone's got to die sometime" I stopped loving him that day, and that's why he's my ex ... so from this mum, with no daughter's, I'm sending you a big proud mummy hug ..

She will need you one day, and just remember what she did for you, at this time... you are being a wonderfull mum to your babies, you will never hurt them as you are not your mum.. if it were me, I'd not even give her another thought, if she's not there now, she never will be... 

Any time you need a chat, I'm here most days ... hold on to those kids of yours, they'll help you through ..

Look after your heart now ... chrissie 

Thankyou xx

Thankyou xx