Hi Sarah, 

I'm really sorry to read that your dad passed away three months and would like to offer you my sincerest condolences for your loss.

Night time always seems to be the worst time of day for bad thoughts and memories to rear their head, but I just want to assure you that you are not alone. Many of our members have had very similar experiences when working through their grief and now that I've replied I'm sure some of them will be along soon to offer their support and advice.

The forum is open 24 hours a day so do come and chat to us when times get tough as our community will do all they can to help you at this difficult time in your life.

Kind regards, 

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Don't expect too much from yourself; to lose a parent who - by definition - has always been part of your life takes more than a few months to assimilate.  It is 20 years since my dad died from pneumonia and I can still picture him in his hospital bed but it no longer tears me apart.  My mum died from cancer  ten years earlier and again I can still picture her when she was ill but I can smile because with both parents I also have so many happy memories.  Grief does take people differently but by anyone's standards 3 months is not really any time.  Do whatever makes you feel a bit better - smile at the memory of things he said, look at things that you particularly associate with him and smile; in fact do anything which helps you.  Gradually, bit by little bit, the balance between tears and smiling will move and you can remember without being devastated.  Annie

Thankyou for posting this. It’s been 5 months since my dad passed away and I drive myself crazy in my head not believing what actually happened and everything that you said I feel and experience the exact same! Thought I was going crazy nice to know I’m not alone in having these thoughts and feelings. So sorry about your dad x

Hi Sarah,

I know this is an old post but out of sheer desperation I randomly typed into google the words "I can't believe my dad has gone" and your post came up. It is only been about 3 and a half weeks since my Dad passed and I just wanted to let you know i think it is totally normal to feel this way and that i hope you are feeling more hopeful now more time has gone by xx

Hi guys,

My dad died on the 4th Jan 2019.

Like you guys I see him on the hospital bed begging for oxygen, I can think of other memories but it's this that plays over in my mind.  I get periods where it's almost like im obsessing about it all. I think I subconsciously try to pretend he's still here just busy and we haven't got round to catching up yet. Its almost inconceivable that hes no longer going to be here.   This grief at the moment doesn't really seem to get  "better", if anything the intensity if the sadness that hes not here seems to get worse.

Most people think I'm lucky as dads sparked pick up two days before he passed and everything you would want a parent to say to you was said and we laughed and cried together, but then he went down hill fast begging for oxygen to be turned up, but we couldn't as it was doing more harm than good.   I can see why people would think the first part would make me happy.  But I think in a way it only makes it harder, as I have to live with the memory of him deing like that, in some ways I cant help but think it is easier on people who don't witness this but cruel in the sense of not having them moments were things are said.  Thinking like that only  makes me feel guilty, but in my heart I'm grateful for those two days, I just can't get over the end and him suffering.  He was a proud man I know being like that would be the last thing he sould want.  I also know he wouldn't want me to torture myself , but I can't seem to get on with it, I think maybe I don't want to get over it, but I'm not sure.

My partner died 4 months ago and it feels like yesterday, i miss her so much, words cannot express how much I am missing her deep down im struggling every day and night, we were together for 10 half years, she was my world, my life, my everything, my soul mate and now I have nothing left,  i can't believe she's gone and I'm not going to be able to see her again until im up there with her hopefully soon 

Hi Sarah,

It is a really sad situation and you are not alone in this. Couple of things just wanted to say is that:

1- grief has multiple stages the very first one is denial. So don't think it is not natuaral.

2- For your chest pain it seems to me that if you see your GP will be really helpful because of the anxiety and depressing situation I had my GP gave me some beta blockers called Propranolol which really countered my chest pain so please go and visit him.

3- Also try to be more with friends and try to put your self in nicer situations may be a good book, happy hangout with friends and family and visiting some places that you never seen before. May be a trip? You have to break this cycle usually you should recover within a year. My mum was like that when she lost her mum.

4- you are not alone and we are all thinking and care about you. Never prevent yourself from talking with others because talking about this will relief some pressure from you and it really helps.

5- I think you are so brave to cope with it because I still haven't lost my parent and I have nightmares about it so listen girl you are DOING DAAAMN GOOD! Keep it up.:cool:

Hi

I don't do online forums or what have you, so sorry if this is clunky or ill judged (I'm in my 30s so not too old for this stuff, just chose to stay away from technology!)

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my own precious father in May and I am struggling to cope even 6 months later. I googled same as you and got here - my dad had previously had cancer and survived so I was complacent, but he got secondary cancer and then all sorts of complications which accelerated his demise. We were all with him when he died and don't think we can have regrets about stuff but I get flashbacks and waves of utter despair. Does it ever get easier? My mum was doing brilliantly but now wants to end it all and it is horrific to see. They were a couple who loved and grew together for 50 years and were besotted. I couldn't even dream of this relationship with anyone. She will never get over it.... 

Love to all who have loved and lost xx

Hope you are ok xxx