I lost my mum 4 nov 2017, dad died 2014 and when diagnosed with terminal lung stage 3 spread to liver and lymph nodes, she just wanted it to end , she lasted 5 weeks from diagnosis.  The first 4 months was a blur I just wanted to be left alone in my own bubble. Many tears I shed. You just have to accept that this will be the new norm. Friends were there but being ex forces never asked for help. I think of her often and time does help. The anniversary was hard as if you have wonderful parents no time is long enough.  My dog has been a great splice she never left my mums side, she was only in our house for 3 days before she passed. Mum's decline was so rapid we never had Macmillan nurse or Marie Currie. I often feel maybe I could have done more but my head tells me all the decisions were my mums.  She was a strong lady and all the choices were hers. You're mum would not want you to be so low. It takes time go to CBT or talk to good friends. Everyone is different  and grief is very personal .  Keep going through the motions you will come out the other side. Look after yourself 

I lost my mum 4 nov 2017, dad died 2014 and when diagnosed with terminal lung stage 3 spread to liver and lymph nodes, she just wanted it to end , she lasted 5 weeks from diagnosis.  The first 4 months was a blur I just wanted to be left alone in my own bubble. Many tears I shed. You just have to accept that this will be the new norm. Friends were there but being ex forces never asked for help. I think of her often and time does help. The anniversary was hard as if you have wonderful parents no time is long enough.  My dog has been a great splice she never left my mums side, she was only in our house for 3 days before she passed. Mum's decline was so rapid we never had Macmillan nurse or Marie Currie. I often feel maybe I could have done more but my head tells me all the decisions were my mums.  She was a strong lady and all the choices were hers. You're mum would not want you to be so low. It takes time go to CBT or talk to good friends. Everyone is different  and grief is very personal .  Keep going through the motions you will come out the other side. Look after yourself