Wow I completely get where you are coming from. I lost my mum 4 months ago and the pain I feel is unbearable. She was my best friend, the person I got advice from, my go to for everything. I spoke to her every day and I have a huge void in my life now she is gone.  I feel as though I will never truly be happy again without her. Some days I feel like I can't breath...I still can't believe she has gone and I will never see her again. I can't imagine living the rest of my life without her .  I still feel shocked when I think she is dead....grief is the worst pain ever and I feel like no one understands.

Hi.

Firstly I’m sorry for your losses.

Reading these posts, so much of what is said I can relate to.

I lost my Mum 3 months to the day she was diagnosed. The anger I feel , that there was not any opportunity to give her more time, is a big part of my grief. I am also traumatised by much of what I saw her go through, and those images haunt me day and night.

I feel so lost, it’s like I’ve lost my moorings and am just drifting. I feel like I am outside, watching life carrying on, but cannot get back into it.

I relate so much to what others have said, it doesn’t feel real. I too, am hiding. On a good day I try to go out, even if to only walk the dog, but other days I cannot face it.

I feel like in losing my Mum, I lost me too, as I do not recognise the person I now am. 

There is no joy to be had, when you cannot share it with the one person you want to the most.

I never realised grief could disable someone to this extent.

I am having counselling, which is good as it’s a safe place to offload. However I still feel a million miles away from normal, whatever that is.

I do however, find a little comfort here, reading that others are feeling similar. 

Best wishes to you all

It’s such a comfort to read these posts and know that others feel the same. It’s been 7 months now and for weeks I can lose myself in my work, my daughter (she’s six so keeps me busy), and just general day to day stuff. But then all of a sudden I’ll have a few days when I can’t stop thinking about her and it hurts like hell again. It hits me that she’s gone and I feel like I’m back to square one again with this awful panicky feeling that I won’t be able to cope. I have an understanding husband and friends but I just feel like I’m repeating myself and that I need to get on with it. It’s so hard.

Hi Hey Jude,

7 months is no time at all, when you think of all the years until now we had our Mums.

I guess, like me, you are dreading the “firsts” . I am surrounded by people talking about Christmas for example. I want to yell at them and ask them how they think I can possibly have a Christmas without her.    

Like you, the moments when reality  hits me are so hard, this grief swallows me up.

I liken the feeling to playing a game of snakes and ladders. You believe you are taking little steps in moving forward, yet every now and then you slide right make to the beginning. Each time you do you feel you have less and less energy to move forward again.

I know exactly what you mean. And you mentioned being traumatised by what you saw her go through and being in counselling.    I’m the same. I found my mum passed away and the image still haunts me. Counselling really helped me too. Just to know that the flashbacks are normal and that I would find a way to cope was a huge comfort. In time they have reduced but as you say every so often I’ll get an image in my mind like seeing the hearse at the funeral and I lose it again. In terms of firsts, it was my birthday last month which felt like no birthday at all. How can it be your birthday when the person who gave birth to you is gone? Mums birthday is 3 days before Christmas so I’m absolutely dreading that week. For 44 years I had Christmas dinner st my mums. Now the family home is up for sale (she separated from dad a long time ago) and my sister and I are dealing with estate agents and solicitors who forget that she died in her bed in that house. To then it’s just business but every contact is agony for us. 

Its a horrendous journey but things can only get better. It’s jyst so comforting to hear that others like yourself feel the same way. We will get through it. Talking about it is such good therapy.

I know words on a screen don’t help, and I’m just a dumb kid who’s also missing there mum, but I thought I’d make an email just for this. I know I’m a idiot 

you just need to cry sometimes, and that’s ok

Hi Natisha, i lost my mum too the same within 3 weeks of diagnosis, i’m 2 years down the line now and i still have days where i struggle and burst in to tears and take it kut on the wrong people. It feels liks a very lonely world when a daughter looses a mum. 

Councilling helped me so much i went for 6 month and spoke about anything and everything. I managed to get through my last year of university, get my first job as a qualified nurse and move out... i then suffered abreak down this year which i fell into a deeper hole of depression and actually let my self take everything in.. all i can say is awful as this time was it needed to happen to enable me to move forward again.. my gp and councillor have both said this will most likely happen over and over again through out our life however the good times out weigh the bad once reality settles in.. although this tends to take time and is different for everyone.

i am always free to lend an ear if you feel you need to talk or if it will help you.

i send you all the love in the world huni and hope you can manahe to stay as strong as possible whilst feeling so low. 

Xxx 

Hi Natisha, 

I lost my mum the beginning of October. She was given her diagnosis and a week later she died. It felt like a huge lorry just ran over me. I was numb all over. My husband will say I don't share my emotions very well. I just cried and cried. I took 3 days from work then went back to work for a week. Then I was off due to half term and my children. I didn't want to talk to anyone but if I was at work I wasn't crying. 

I hate that mum is not at the end of phone and people say it gets easier. But I don't think they understand. My advice to you is take each day at a time. I know my mum is in my heart and if she saw how much I was hurting she would tell me she is now not in pain  and she can dance round the living room without her lungs stopping her. 

Take strength from those that love you, your mum blessed you with love xx

I lost my mum almost 2 years ago after a diagnosis in Nov and passed in Jan. I feel your pain but can honestly say it does get easier. We are facing our 2nd Christmas without our lovely mum but we have each other. For those who have family and friends, draw strength from each other for those who don’t, please seek help because it is too hard to cope with alone.