Love and warmth  to you Shakia still so hard for you I lost my Jim last year memories  have given me strength,I wish we could make sense of why our partners have been so cruelly snatched from us it was all very quick for my man as well. I hope they are flying high and one day we will be with them again.

The love we shared with them can not be taken away they didn’t want to go and none of us have had a choice in that my love take care of yourself I have kept everything the same not changed anything bedroom is still as it was Jim’s things still around me I want to feel him around me .This brings me some comfort but I still feel so empty lonely and angry at what cancer does to us love chrisxx

It is almost an impossible situation. Twelve months have gone by and I yearn for a shoulder to share with. My wife and I spent 64years together and although some would say we were very fortunate, as we were of course, but the length of time makes the agony of loss ever more of a burden to carry. Messages are one thing but physical contact with someone who knows the score can do wonders. I would like to try this as a group of like minded people and a message of solidarity to try and understand life in more depth is my aim.  Kind regards, Brian

Shalia,

Your story is so similar to mine,I could not help but post.  I lost my husband of 30 years to small cell cancer in August.  He almost fainted on July 31st, went into the hospital, was diagnosed the following week.  He also was complaining of back pain and thought he had sprained his back at the gym. The pain became severe mid-July but urgent care treated it as if he had a sprain. He came home with pain pills, but then got dehydrated which later causing the fainting.   Supposedly the cancer causes the dehyration which led to me calling emergency services when he fell in the bathroom.

When he was diagnosed, they said he had 3 months.  I brought him home for hospice on August 9th and he died a week lated on August 16th.  I thought I would have more time with him to tell him how much I loved him and more.  After he came home, I think he gave up and once he had morphine, he could no longer respond.  I feel guilt that I didn't say more sooner.  I took care of his body but realize I didn't do enough, or I can't remember, whether I comforted his spirit, and this is killing me.  

I am 66 and my husband was 78.

My coping is prayer, crying and support through grief groups.  The groups help because you can hear from other people experiencing the same thing.  We are not alone.  God has been good on those days when I can barely stand it, my chest hurts, and He helps me through that time.

I know that he did not want to have pain, and had a low tolerance for it, so I'm comforted that this was taken care of.  I am just angry at myself for not remembering what I said or my belief that I didn't say enough.   It was devastating as you well know.

I am sorry that you also have young children who are taking this journey with you, but one thing they will know is that once in a lifetime love you and I experienced with our husbands.

I pray you find strength and peace through this.

All these stories are mine also. My dear husband complained last year of hip aches, back aches, headaches. He was retired and not real active so we chalked it up to old age. lJust before Christmas 2017, he went in to the doctor for the flu and told he most likely had lung cancer. He thought ok, caught early and they scheduled testing. Three weeks later and only two days after being told that indeed it was full fledged stage four lung cancer, he was gone. Tha last dayhe couldn't get comfortable, his heart felt like knives jabbing. He tipped over after coming out of the bathroom and I had to call 911. January 14, 2018 he died. I was so mad at him for some things he had done, I watched him suffer those few short weeks and swear I was watching him die. I suffer survivors quilt and extreme loneliness trying to understand and cope. It was our second marriage for each and we were so in love for twenty five years and were truely soulmates. He gave me the best years and a wonderful life. I was just going to retire with him to enjoy our cabin after years of hard work getting it done. Now it's hard to enjoy any thing at all and have so much guilt for not telling him how much he has meant to me those last days. He seemed in denial, didn't want to talk much, was so miserable so I left him alone to rest and now this guilt is killing me. My married  daughters from a previous marriage loved him like a father and can help me just so much as they have their lives and families. I feel I bring them down so much when I cry but I just can't seem to break out of this depression setting in. I went to my first Hospice support group and just cried. I plan to go back as they all have been where I am now. It's just so devistating to be alone when life was just perfect and the future was bright. Not only did I lose my best friend, my husband, I also lost my will to live. We all die, but we assume it will not be until a long retirement and sickness takes others, not us. Not being of a religious background, are we simply a lottery in the cycle of life and death?  You would think that by now, all the money thrown at cancer research, we would no longer just find out that we have it and poof-gone! The medical field has really failed this!!!!

thank you for your kind words, today makes eight months since my husband passed away, I have not posted in a long while been dealing with some things, that only make me miss him even more, because we always worked through things together, now I have to get used to doing it on my own, some days are so hard for me, but I am maintainig for me and my kids, blessings to you and thank you for your words of encouragement

thank you and everyone on my psot for all of your kind words, been busy lately dealing with some issues, but I am striving to be okay for my kids sake, I hope and pray your husband is okay and well, blessings to you and your family

that pain that I have of passing in the hospital is like it happened yesterday, to watch him in pain was heart drenching and little bit of me died everdyay, but I am glad he is at peace with no cancer to tear him down everyday, my husband was also the type to not accept that he was going to die, I was the one who was crazy with sadness and anger for the situation, he never let it get him down, he was strong til he end, don't know why cancer chose us, now its just about making sure me and my 4 kids are okay, thank you for your kind words