Hi JacM38

Sorry for the loss of your mum.

There are other Cancer Chat members coming to terms with the loss of a loved one from cancer.

I hope you will feel less alone at this sad time by coming here to share your feelings with those who are going through similar experiences.

Best wishes

Jane

Hi JacM

I lost my mum end of September last year. To me it felt like a bomb gone off to me also. Maybe a car crash, and I felt I was walking in shock for first few months.

You have not much time to get your head around it from the start. I did look after mum for 2 years,

but she had was quite well and a just very poorly quickly at the end. Because  of this I didn't get much help from the hospital.

I lost my dad to cancer as well, 9 years that knocked me hard, so when you mum dies there's no parent to help this time.

6 months on I just can't believe it's gone so quick, the pain inside does get better. Mum was my best friend and hard to think that I'll not see her. The feeling alone is very strong at the start. But someone said to me you feel like this because you was so close to the person. Sounds like you was good to your mum, taking her about.

You right when you say times like this you could do with your mum. I have a brother ok at the start but he never tries to get on.

Try to eat ,as I lforget about food to the end of the day, I remember standing in shops just staring it space as I couldn't think.

Maybe see your GP or i do take those Calms. Chating on here does help in these painful times.

Hi sameboat thanks for replying - I'm so sorry for your loss too - I became my mums full time carer when she was discharged from hospital on 1st December and moved into her house to do this - I am so grateful that I had that time with her as I realise many don't. I had to rush her back into hospital in January as she was vomiting a lot again and they told us the tumour had grown over the stent they had fitted in November and that her cancer was particularly aggressive but I took her home again late January for her then to come down with shingles a couple of weeks later and then just as she was getting over that she became very confused and the pain was worsening and I asked for her to be reassessed in a hospice as I was not impressed with the palliative care in the community. I know that those four months were so precious and we did have some right ol laughs and we managed some good days out but I suppose it was also a very intense time almost like a bubble and just as spring arrived my mum passed. Sorry I realise I'm rambling -my emotions are all over the place and were all over the place when I looked after my mum and I only did it for 3 months really as she spent March in a hospice so 2 years must have been very tough for you. It's just heartbreaking isn't it watching the person you love most in the world die from this vile vile disease but my mum was so strong and truly inspirational she never lost her sense of humour right to the end; she had it in her eyes - she'd even make the nurses giggle - I miss her so much every single day. 

Thank you for telling me the pain does get better as I suppose I need hope that I will get through this - and yes I bought some calms as also struggling to sleep through the night - grief is just terrible just when you really need sleep your body won't allow it!!!!!! Thanks again for your support x 

Dear JacM others- I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm really terrified right now of the journey ahead. My mumhas been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer I we have been told she won't have very long. It feels like a terrible nightmare. I have a baby who is my first and only 4 weeks old. The physical pain I felt when I found out her diagnosis was quite astounding. That was two weeks ago- I know now it will come and go in waves of great pain and numbness. I am dreading the months ahead and trying to be good company for her- my dad struggling at mo to care for her post an op on her stomach. I just can't imagine not having a mum and I want to send you my love- to those that are grieving. Because I am grieving already and it's so painful. Screw cancer. Nothing redeeming about it. I hope your pain lessens and you find strength. I will need lots of strength but I don't know from where. Love to you who are in pain right now. You will survive. We all will because we must. Xx

Hi nalkate - I'm so sorry to read of your mum it is a terrible shock and I just can't imagine going through what you are going through with a baby to look after as well - you've been in my thoughts today and I too send you love - I find I have to take it a day at a time sometimes even just a morning or afternoon - I miss my mum so much it hurts - I'm trying to keep busy as there lots to sort out at her house and next week I return to work which I'm dreading but know I have to do it - I know my mum wanted me to go on with my life and not to fill it with sorrow but it's hard to feel anything but sadness at the moment. I do want to get through it for her and I'm sure your mum will feel the same. We will find the strength to get through this but I find taking it in small steps easier to cope with than when my mind starts racing into the future..., I really struggled when my mum was in the hospice but I do take peace from knowing I was there with her and telling her how much I loved her - people told me to make the most of the time I had left with her and it's hard when you feel so overwhelmed with sadness but I talked to my mum of happier times and I do take comfort from that now - sorry for rambling on wish I could help ease the pain because it is so awful sending you a big hug xxx 

Hi Jac, 

I lost my Mum nearly a year ago now and she was my best friend. My parents were separated and my Dad remarried so I didn't see him much and like you, I'm an only child. Not having that support of family who know exactly what she went through, who were there for all the difficult bits like you were is the hardest part. You have all these sharp memories, seeing her in pain and no one who shares them with you. Sorting through your Mum's things, when you are ready, will not be easy. It took me a long time to get the courage to even walk into her room again, or even walk into the neighbourhood where the hospice was, I just associated it with the pain. To remedy this, when I was packing up her clothes, I kept a few sentimental things, a dress she used to love. I gave the rest to the hospice charity and to CRUK shops locally, it made me feel better knowing that the money gained from selling her clothes would work its way back around to helping other people like my Mum. I just want to say as well, don't be too hard on yourself. Living alone means you can be your own worst critic, and going over and over painful memories is only going to hurt you more. When that starts happening, maybe put on some music that your Mum used to love, or cook one of her favourite meals, to remind you of all the wonderful things she brought to your life. 

I hope this helps you in some way, and I'm sending you all my virtual love. You will get through this. Even in the worst of days, when you're so sad you can't move. Just remember that the day will end, another day will come and slowly things will start to get easier. 

Hello

I lost my mum 2 months ago to ovarian cancer.I watched her fade over 4months and suffer long days travelling for chemo when she was so very ill.She was my closest friend and no one can fill the gap she has left.I often see or do something that I know I would have chatted to get about.I've buried all the pain but I can't explain how much I miss her and hearing her voice...like you say it takes time to start filtering through that's it's all happened even though you know it has...when I talk to people I feel a sort of sheild go up across my stomach that stops me breaking down...just take a day at a time ..it's an awful thing but time will help you cope better I hope...and I draw strength from the fact my mum was such an amazing person to me.Take care of yourself