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Lost my lovely mum

JacM38
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My lovely mum died on 21st March and I don't think I have ever felt so much pain - she was diagnosed in November last year and it's all been such a shock - it's now slowly seeping in that she's gone. I feel as though I organised her funeral on auto pilot. My mum was my best friend and I feel so adrift without her. We became especially close after my dad died nearly 4 years ago - even though his death hit me hard I don't remember it hitting me as hard as my mum passing. It's as though a bomb went off in our lives and I've now got to make some sense of it all. One day me n mum were going around IKEA doing normal stuff together and two weeks later she's in hospital and we're being told she has advanced stomach cancer with 3- 6 months left. My mum made 4 but the last month was so hard watching her fade away whilst in the hospice - it's all such a shock and the only person who can help me is now no longer here. I've been reading other posts and know you understand - my friends have been really supportive but I still feel very alone. I don't have any brothers or sisters and I'm not married or with a partner as we split a couple of years ago - all I can do is take it one day at a time. Any other advice for those who have survived this would be greatly appreciated. 

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    Hi Jac, 

    I lost my Mum nearly a year ago now and she was my best friend. My parents were separated and my Dad remarried so I didn't see him much and like you, I'm an only child. Not having that support of family who know exactly what she went through, who were there for all the difficult bits like you were is the hardest part. You have all these sharp memories, seeing her in pain and no one who shares them with you. Sorting through your Mum's things, when you are ready, will not be easy. It took me a long time to get the courage to even walk into her room again, or even walk into the neighbourhood where the hospice was, I just associated it with the pain. To remedy this, when I was packing up her clothes, I kept a few sentimental things, a dress she used to love. I gave the rest to the hospice charity and to CRUK shops locally, it made me feel better knowing that the money gained from selling her clothes would work its way back around to helping other people like my Mum. I just want to say as well, don't be too hard on yourself. Living alone means you can be your own worst critic, and going over and over painful memories is only going to hurt you more. When that starts happening, maybe put on some music that your Mum used to love, or cook one of her favourite meals, to remind you of all the wonderful things she brought to your life. 

    I hope this helps you in some way, and I'm sending you all my virtual love. You will get through this. Even in the worst of days, when you're so sad you can't move. Just remember that the day will end, another day will come and slowly things will start to get easier. 

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    Hi Jac, 

    I lost my Mum nearly a year ago now and she was my best friend. My parents were separated and my Dad remarried so I didn't see him much and like you, I'm an only child. Not having that support of family who know exactly what she went through, who were there for all the difficult bits like you were is the hardest part. You have all these sharp memories, seeing her in pain and no one who shares them with you. Sorting through your Mum's things, when you are ready, will not be easy. It took me a long time to get the courage to even walk into her room again, or even walk into the neighbourhood where the hospice was, I just associated it with the pain. To remedy this, when I was packing up her clothes, I kept a few sentimental things, a dress she used to love. I gave the rest to the hospice charity and to CRUK shops locally, it made me feel better knowing that the money gained from selling her clothes would work its way back around to helping other people like my Mum. I just want to say as well, don't be too hard on yourself. Living alone means you can be your own worst critic, and going over and over painful memories is only going to hurt you more. When that starts happening, maybe put on some music that your Mum used to love, or cook one of her favourite meals, to remind you of all the wonderful things she brought to your life. 

    I hope this helps you in some way, and I'm sending you all my virtual love. You will get through this. Even in the worst of days, when you're so sad you can't move. Just remember that the day will end, another day will come and slowly things will start to get easier. 

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