I'm 15 and I can't cope with my mum's death

I'm 15 and 2 months ago my mum passed away. Since i was born she had cancer around 7 times, and the final time she battled for about 3 months. A year ago she had her stomach removed  due to oesophageal and the year leading up to the next cancer was very difficult for her as she found it very difficult eating and drinking, and would usually throw up after every meal. This meant that she had to live for a year in pain, she was uncomfortable and could not enjoy normal things. After months of khemo she was in hospital for about a month, and when we were told that she was going to die in a couple of days, my amazing mum fought for another week! I helped a lot for the months leading up to her death and I would come home from school to look after her, help her or even just lie with her and talk to her. The last couple of years I have had such a strong relationship with my mum and the fact that she is now gone has completely broke my heart. I told my mum that I would be strong but I am finding it so hard just to get up in the morning, I don't want to go to school and I don't want to live anymore. The only reason stopping me from doing something extreme is that I know it would not make my mum happy and it would put my family through a lot more than what they are already going through and i couldn't do that. I get very angry and jealous of my friends' families and I even feel weirdly bitter towards people that have done nothing to me, I am just jealous of their 'perfect' lives. My mum, more than anything, wanted to see me and my 12 year old sister grow up and as I am in my final year of secondary school small things like finding prom dresses or my exams make me want her around more than ever. My house now doesn't feel like a home and there is a numb feeling in my heart that actually hurts. Wherever I am, I feel like i shouldn't be there and nothing feels right, I miss her so so much and its completely changed my life. The worst part, I think, is the goneness. The fact that I will never see her again which I am finding terribly hard to live with. I constantly cry and I feel so depressed, I really can't cope and I don't know what to do. I hate saying all this because my mum didn't want her death to make me as a person, and I promised I won't let it, just for a while I am going to find it hard to be strong. I talk and write to her which makes me feel better, and after she died I constantly saw a white butterfly. I swear, it followed me every day until it started to get colder. These comforted me extremely but now winter's coming I feel more alone and scared to be without her. I just love her and miss her so much, she was my world and I want her back so badly - I would die to be with her.

Thank you for taking the time to read this

Parents
  • Hi there, I am so sorry that you lost your mom to cancer. I almost cried with you as I  read your post. You are so young to have lost your mom when you really need her in your life. Sometimes life just isn't fair. You said you have a 12 year old sister. How is she coping with the loss of your mom? Are you two really close? You don't mention any other family members or relatives; do you have aunts, grandparents, cousins? What about your dad? Do you have guidance counsellors at your school? I think it would really helpful if you perhaps talked with a trusted person at your school. Perhaps a teacher that you really like. I know if some of these people knew how bad you feel, they would get you some help. Please talk to someone. You don't need to be going through this by yourself.

    Keep posting on this forum to let us know how you are doing. I have grandchildren and would want to hold them in my arms if they were hurting like you are. I know you spent a lot of time with your mom before she died and she was so lucky to have you there. You took good care to make sure she knew how much you love her. Now let someone you trust take care of you.

    Take care and sending you hugs. Please keep posting to let us know how you are.

    Lorraine

  • Hello, sorry for not replying to anyone i have had quite a tough week and my mind has been elsewhere.

    My sister rarely speaks of my mum and my guess is that she is in denial as i never hear her crying, but this could be my lack of comfort towards her. Me and my sister aren't that close but i'm going to try hard to change that. Yes i am very close to my mum's sister, my auntie who has been a great help to me. My dad had a tough childhood and doesn't really know how to comfort me or my sister.. that's just not really what he's like. My dad's parents have passed away and my mum's parents live in spain. I don't like speaking to the counsillor at school because she just stares at me expecting me to say something when really i have nothing to say to her.

    Thank you so much for your kind words, it really does make me feel a bit better.. I just don't really feel like i want the comfort/help from anyone else (school etc) as the only person i want is my mum and i feel a lot of anger towards anyone else...

    Naomi

Reply
  • Hello, sorry for not replying to anyone i have had quite a tough week and my mind has been elsewhere.

    My sister rarely speaks of my mum and my guess is that she is in denial as i never hear her crying, but this could be my lack of comfort towards her. Me and my sister aren't that close but i'm going to try hard to change that. Yes i am very close to my mum's sister, my auntie who has been a great help to me. My dad had a tough childhood and doesn't really know how to comfort me or my sister.. that's just not really what he's like. My dad's parents have passed away and my mum's parents live in spain. I don't like speaking to the counsillor at school because she just stares at me expecting me to say something when really i have nothing to say to her.

    Thank you so much for your kind words, it really does make me feel a bit better.. I just don't really feel like i want the comfort/help from anyone else (school etc) as the only person i want is my mum and i feel a lot of anger towards anyone else...

    Naomi

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