Hi there, I am so sorry that you lost your mom to cancer. I almost cried with you as I  read your post. You are so young to have lost your mom when you really need her in your life. Sometimes life just isn't fair. You said you have a 12 year old sister. How is she coping with the loss of your mom? Are you two really close? You don't mention any other family members or relatives; do you have aunts, grandparents, cousins? What about your dad? Do you have guidance counsellors at your school? I think it would really helpful if you perhaps talked with a trusted person at your school. Perhaps a teacher that you really like. I know if some of these people knew how bad you feel, they would get you some help. Please talk to someone. You don't need to be going through this by yourself.

Keep posting on this forum to let us know how you are doing. I have grandchildren and would want to hold them in my arms if they were hurting like you are. I know you spent a lot of time with your mom before she died and she was so lucky to have you there. You took good care to make sure she knew how much you love her. Now let someone you trust take care of you.

Take care and sending you hugs. Please keep posting to let us know how you are.

Lorraine

This really is so sad to read.

Your mum sounds like a really brave lady to fight it to the end.She did not want to leave you and your sister. As a mum of a 17 and 13 year old, and as a cancer fighter, it seems so unfair that I may not get to see my children grow up.

I am sure you will see that white butterfly again and know that your mum is near and watching over you.Try to get some support in school from your form tutor, head of year or ask if there are counsellors that you can talk to. You need support to get through this and I am glad that you have found this forum.

With very best wishes and a hug

Donna

Hello and welcome to this friendly and supportive forum and thanks for having the courage to tell us your sad story. I don't mind admitting, as a man with a granddaughter nearly your age, I read what you have written with tears in my eyes. To lose you mother at this age is so tragic for you for now is the time you need her more than ever. You have the consolation of knowing you did everything you could for your mother and I feel sure she is very proud of you and she would have known how much you loved her. I lost my own mother over seven years ago and I still miss her, but in time we do learn to adjust to a life without them. I hope you believe what I am about to say to you. Your mother may no longer be with you in a physical sense but she will always be with you in spirit for she has helped shape the loving and caring person you are. It has taken a while for me to recognise it but every now and then I say or do something and it suddenly hits me, that's exactly what my mother would have said or done. It felt a little eerie at first but now I find it quite comforting, like she is still here watching over me, occasionally wagging her finger disapprovingly at me if she disapproves of something I've done.  Grief is a powerful emotion and we all react differently. You will have both good and bad days ahead but remember your mother would want you to be strong as you can in the circumstance. I am glad you have already had two other responses and both Lorraine and DPA have offered good advice, it is good to talk and you shouldn't try to deal with this all on your own.

Please take care, sending best wishes to you and please keep in contact, Brian 

Hi n1234

Welcome to Cancer Chat. It's great to see you have received some lovely replies. I agree that it would be good to let someone at your school know what is happening, as they will be able to support you. If you would like to chat to others who are your age and are going through similar experiences, rip rap could be a good place to try. Also kids konnected.

Our nurses will be happy to talk to you too. Their contact details are here and you can call them free from a UK landline between 9am and 5pm Monday to Friday.

Please come here to chat anytime and to let us know how you are getting on.

Best wishes

Jane

Hi there, I've been thinking about you and haven't seen any more posts in a few days now. How are you doing? Were you able to make contact with anyone at your school to talk with about losing your Mom? I know you are having a hard time with your loss and at 15, not having your Mom around is very difficult for you. I guess  you are busy with school and all, but when you get a chance, post on here and tell us a little more about yourself, your family and friends, and also, what you plan to do when you finish school, i.e. university, college, and what you are interested in for a career, when you graduate.

We would love to hear from you. Take care. Sending you hugs.

Lorraine

Hi,

just found your post here, and I thought I register just to tell you what I did when my mum died of cancer. I was older, 26, my mum died after 2 yrs of a tough battle 15 years ago, after trying to manage the cancer - 15 years ago there wasn't much to deal with side effects -, not blaming God for it , showing a brave face in front of her 7 kids and her husband...in short she went through her battle heroically, with dignity...but most than anything setting an example very hard to follow in tough times for us kids. Were we desperate like you when she died, yes we were. We all thought that we all 7 felt in the same way, the only difference was our dad. We were wrong as we found out later, we had 7 different reactions.

Here some advise on what I found out, through my own experience:

She's not totaly gone, she's still in your dreams that helps taking the pain away.....she's also in your dad's and your sister's dreams, so you can just swap stories. That will bring some relief to all of you.

Did you tell your dad and your sister about the batterfly? when I told my dad that I could still feel my mum's presence behind me with one hand on my shoulder, he was extremely happy so were my siblings ....and wanted more details....funny, that even things so irrational can give confort to other people...so to the next point...my dad is a doctor and wouldn't normally even listen to such stories...

Don't forget your sister and your dad need You, and your memories of your mum as much as you need theirs....maybe try to give the preference to the happy memories, the funny ones, the one that sent you into histerical loughter....if you can face it, have a look at old pictures and talk about it together....if not keep it for when you will feel up to it....

Your mum is still ''in your head'' and she will stay....

and now my best advise go and see your mum's siblings, if she had any, or relatives from her side, or  close friends who knew her well and if you can, stay with them at least for a few days and talk it through. If she had any sisters that would be the best, as they are the only ones who look the same, talk in the same way, have the same background and the same parents. Excuse the simily, if it may seem indelicate: ''they are a slice of the same cake''....and there's the advantage that you can always leave when you had enough of them. You may also discover the sides of your mum you never thought of, or stories from her past you didn't know about....by the way this is something i still do now

Don't forget to do as your mum told you, if she told you to be strong, that's really what you should be doing now. That's what our mum told us whenever we got hurt, that's what we did when she passed away...all of us 7!!!! and I'm sure that's what she wanted.

Last thing: I had cancer myself round about when I had my second son, and I can promise you, the last thing I wanted was for my kids to suffer in any way. I wanted them to keep being kids and do what kids do and go to parties and enjoy themselves, be naughty, be funny, be annoying and be my shiniest jewels. I'm sure your mum still now wants you to keep living, you are 15, that's a great age, live it and make your mum proud of you. She is still watching over you in some way...give her a chance to smile at what you're doing  :-)

Take care

I hope it heped :-)

Hello, sorry for not replying to anyone i have had quite a tough week and my mind has been elsewhere.

My sister rarely speaks of my mum and my guess is that she is in denial as i never hear her crying, but this could be my lack of comfort towards her. Me and my sister aren't that close but i'm going to try hard to change that. Yes i am very close to my mum's sister, my auntie who has been a great help to me. My dad had a tough childhood and doesn't really know how to comfort me or my sister.. that's just not really what he's like. My dad's parents have passed away and my mum's parents live in spain. I don't like speaking to the counsillor at school because she just stares at me expecting me to say something when really i have nothing to say to her.

Thank you so much for your kind words, it really does make me feel a bit better.. I just don't really feel like i want the comfort/help from anyone else (school etc) as the only person i want is my mum and i feel a lot of anger towards anyone else...

Naomi

Hello,

Thank you so much for taking the time to write that, it made me smile and I admire you and all your siblings.. I am very close to my mum's sister which is a great help as she is very alike to my mum in many ways and I enjoy spending time with her as it is like she is also my mum. Everything you said gave me a little piece of comfort as I suppose you just have to hold on to her memory and I believe that she is still with me now.. I don't really have much to say but thank you so much, again, for what you have said. I believe it will be a great help to me..

Naomi

Hello, thank you for all your kind words. What you have said is pretty amazing and it comforts me to know that it will get better.. I even feel her prescence sometimes now so it is nice to think that in the future it may even be more prominent. I'm sorry I don't really have much to say back but every word meant a lot.... Naomi

Your just about the same age as me and you've lost someone close to you as I have me..it wasn't one of my parents but my grandparent that was basically my parent..I know what you've been through,its the wost thing in the world..what you've said has just discribed what I feel in one! Sorry for your loss and I know I'm feeling alone and damaged so if you need anything or just a chat I'm here for it,I need someone too! Chin up,well you can always try;)x