Images of watching someone you love die

I’m really struggling to understand death 

why is all I keep asking my self why is my dad of just 55yrs young no longer here and the answer is because of cancer 

we found out my dad had lung cancer on 16th November 2022 by October it had spread to his brain by January 5th we had to say goodbye 

my heart is just so broken 

we sat by his side that very night when the nurse told us he wouldn’t make it to the morning 

we held his hand told him how much we love him and watched him take his last breath (this is the part I struggle with most nights as I close my eyes I cry myself to sleep as this is the image I see like re watching my dad take his final breaths 

its almost a year now that we found out and I still really struggle with this and still cry most nights and see dad taking his last breath 

I’m exhausted emotionally drained and just really miss my dad being at the other end of the phone.   

There’s a chance no one will ever respond to this post but it has help me express my feelings in a way I find unable to in person ️

  • Hang in there. I lost my mum in March and my dad in August this year to terminal illnesses. The important thing to hold onto is you were there for your dad until the end. Right there beside him when he needed you most. 

    I've found writing letters to my mum, building memory boxes and reading up on the journey of grief helps. I miss chatting to my mum every day, getting off the train and calling her up.

    It will take time. So much time to heal. But we will. Sending my thoughts to you as know what you are feeling. Just take care of yourself x

  • I no how you feel 

    my dad was fit and healthy what all started with a sore back 

    we was told he had lung cancer that had spread he died 4 weeks later 

    I’m struggling so bad life can be so cruel

    if I’m honest it has processed with me yet that my dad has gone I still feel like he’s going to walk threw the door 

    I hope it gets easier for me it’s only been 7 weeks 

  • Offline in reply to Advise

    Thank you for your response it means a lot reaching out    My dad was healthy too was only 55 just makes no sense does it how it can just take you like that.    Hope you start to feel a bit stronger soon but it will take time it’s almost a year for me on the 5th January 

    but next month would be my dads birthday then our first Christmas without him just really hits hard.   

    Feel free to talk on here anytime you would like ️ sending love you way. X.   Laura 

  • Offline in reply to Annie82

    Thank you for replying to my thread I know I’m not the only one going through this but sometimes it does feel like it doesn’t it so sorry for your losses 

    and I’m so grateful for you reaching out on this thread it’s nice to be able to just write what your feeling and know there are others feeling the same 

    sending love your way of feel you’d like to remain on this thread for a chat I’d love that 

    take care x. Laura 

  • I lost my mum on Saturday to cancer and like yourself I am struggling with the image of mum taking her last breath.    My mum was my best friend and I cannot imagine life without her x

  • Offline in reply to ljh89

    Hey Laura

    It is incredibly hard isn't it. I think I am still very much in shock that both parents aren't around anymore. It is very lonely and some days feel unbearable. Especailly if you see someone that reminds you of your mum or dad. Do you siblings you are close to?

    I am really glad there is this chat thread qs hard to chat with close onea that havent been through it.

    Sending hugs

    Annie x

  • Offline in reply to Mrs_Bg


    im so sorry to be reading your response 

    mums are definitely our best friends. I wish I had the words to make you feel ok a cyber hug x 

    I heard it gets easier but I just don’t understand how it’s been 9months for me and I still cry myself to sleep most nights      I bet your mum loved you so much and knows how much she was loved by you.. 

    sending you so much strength during this difficult time 

    feel free to come by again just for a chat 

    sending love x 

    lauta 

  • Offline in reply to Annie82

    Morning Annie 

    I hope you are doing ok? 

    A couple days ago a friend lost their fight with leukaemia  at just 29 years young

    I honestly cannot stand the word Cancer it makes me so angry. 

    I know what you mean about seeing someone who remind you of them my dad has brothers who look and sound just like him so it’s hard when I do see them 

    Not to mention when you see a random person and mistake them for being them it’s crazy what tricks your mind can play on you isn’t it.

    my sister is close by but like you say it’s easier talking to a stranger on a forum than it is talking to family as my sister is so broken also and I just don’t want to upset her anymore than she is which is why I’m so grateful for this forum  as I’m not one for talking out loud about my emotions at all. 

    I hope you are doing ok I’m always just a chat away x 

    laura 

  • I'm so so sorry you're mum has passed. My mum had ovarian cancer for 10 years and passed in March. I know what you are going through as mum meant so so much to me. The pain is unbearable. 

    I am here on this chat thread if you ever want to chat. Always will come back quickly. I remember the last moments which are really hard. Someone said to look at photos of mum as that will help fill your head with other images that are more positive. I built a memory box and album that I look at when things get bad.

    Sending a massive hug to you. You aren't alone.

    Annie xxx

  • Offline in reply to ljh89

    Thank you.   Its really hard to talk to my friends or family as no one really understands the pain I feel inside.   I'm trying to keep busy but I just have this sad feeling inside of me all the time.   I know my mum would want me to be ok and carry on but inside I'm struggling massively.   

    I found a selfie video on my mums phone, mum wasn't great with phones so I don't think she realised she was taking a video but when I watch it it makes me smile as I love her little face so much but it hits me that I will never see her again.

    Sending you a big hug back xxxx