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Death of my father

Annie-E
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Hi everyone.

My dad just died from cancer this week, the deterioration over the past number of weeks was just so quick. I found it so distressing watching him physically and emotionally fade away in front of us.

I am in my twenties, and my mother just doesn't seem to be coping. I am the one who has had to phone the funeral home etc. She keeps needing to lie down and seems on the verge of an anxiety attack or similar at all times. Everything has to be repeated for her and she is so easily aggravated.

Has anyone been in a similar situation and have you any advice?

My heart is broken, I've lost my dad and now have to be the "adult" of the situation for my younger sibling, with little to no support from our mother. I also feel cruel saying that. Life can be so tough. None of my friends have lost their dad, and I find their messages are kind but it's hard when they (thankfully) don't understand. It's all very lonely. 

 

Parents
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    Hi Annie 

    I really feel sad for you , I lost my husband two weeks ago after a 12 week battle with cancer , my children are as devastated as I am . I have had experience of seeing a loved one die of cancer before as I lost my own dad when I was in my thirties who had a battle with cancer for three years and suffered really bad , my own husband lost his mum to cancer also and the only thing I can do to cope is tell myself my own husbands cancer battle was short, it's ok for you to cry and grief and you can't always be the strong one , if your mum is not sleeping seek help from her GP. I tell myself would I rather my husband still be here in all the pain he was in or be at rest , my husband died from gastric cancer and in the last weeks suffered with terrible sickness and pain and it was heartbreaking to watch. Make sure you make time for yourself maybe go for a walk or go to a relaxation class anything to occupy your mind and get into the fresh air , my own husband dying as left a massive hole in our family and grief is love with no where to go , hope you find a way home of coping and I am sure if your mum is spending time crying in her bed it's a way she is trying to cope and eventually she will come out the other side take care x 

  • Offline in reply to Teresa77

    Hi Teresa,

    Thank you for your thoughtful words. I hope you are doing OK. That sounds like a really challenging journey for you and your family. Your words are very wise - I think we easily forget that the quality of life lived is so important, as opposed to solely thinking of the quantity. 

    That saying "grief is love with nowhere to go" often crosses my mind and I take comfort for it. I hope your children are doing ok too. I can imagine it's challenging for you looking out for them and minding yourself. You have given me very good advice, thank you so much. X

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  • Offline in reply to Teresa77

    Hi Teresa,

    Thank you for your thoughtful words. I hope you are doing OK. That sounds like a really challenging journey for you and your family. Your words are very wise - I think we easily forget that the quality of life lived is so important, as opposed to solely thinking of the quantity. 

    That saying "grief is love with nowhere to go" often crosses my mind and I take comfort for it. I hope your children are doing ok too. I can imagine it's challenging for you looking out for them and minding yourself. You have given me very good advice, thank you so much. X

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