Hello Annie-E, 

I am so sorry for your loss and wanted to send you our sincere condolences on behalf of the Cancer Chat team. Your story reminded me of that of [@Madamejones]‍ who also posted this thread recently and whose dad also passed away very recently. Like you, she described how distressing it was to see her dad in his final days and also had to go through the difficult process of planning the funeral so don't hesitate to respond to that thread if you would like to talk to someone else who truly understands what you are going through. As you say, even if your friends mean well, sometimes you need to talk to someone who has had a similar experience or it all feels a little lonely. This forum is a safe space for you to meet others who have also lost a loved one and who also feel the need to reach out and talk to others who are also grieving. 

I am so sorry to hear that your mum is feeling so low and doesn't seem to be coping. It might be a good idea if you see no improvement in how she is feeling to try and get her to talk to her GP about it as it sounds like she could do with some help. 

Coping with Grief is by no means easy and there is no right way to grieve but there is a section on our website on Coping with Grief you might find interesting to look at. We're thinking of you during this difficult time and wanted you to know that you are not alone. 

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

hello anne e

you poor thing having to deal with all this awfulness and upset and trauma so young. i lost my dad to cancer . and only 9 days ago my beloved husband also.it was 8 weeks between first gp visit and death- so a massive shock.it's normal for your mum to feel exhausted/tired and irritable and unable to concentrate. this is how i feel a lot of the time at the moment.all she needs is to know that you love her and are there for her.time will heal it all  a bit eventually. this is all a normal part of horrible grief.(which you are suffering as well) life can really very tough-as my dad used to say when i was a kid-life is unfair-and it's true.but these awful trials will make us stronger in the end.i can understand you feel lonely,but there is so much help out there for you .just go online and look-there's loads.wishing you all the very best of everything in the future.  xx

Hi Annie 

I really feel sad for you , I lost my husband two weeks ago after a 12 week battle with cancer , my children are as devastated as I am . I have had experience of seeing a loved one die of cancer before as I lost my own dad when I was in my thirties who had a battle with cancer for three years and suffered really bad , my own husband lost his mum to cancer also and the only thing I can do to cope is tell myself my own husbands cancer battle was short, it's ok for you to cry and grief and you can't always be the strong one , if your mum is not sleeping seek help from her GP. I tell myself would I rather my husband still be here in all the pain he was in or be at rest , my husband died from gastric cancer and in the last weeks suffered with terrible sickness and pain and it was heartbreaking to watch. Make sure you make time for yourself maybe go for a walk or go to a relaxation class anything to occupy your mind and get into the fresh air , my own husband dying as left a massive hole in our family and grief is love with no where to go , hope you find a way home of coping and I am sure if your mum is spending time crying in her bed it's a way she is trying to cope and eventually she will come out the other side take care x 

Hi EliseIris,

My apologies for the delay in replying. How are you getting on? I hope things are OK for you, and that you get to find time for yourself each day to just breathe.

It's so challenging isn't it, I feel like it probably hasn't even sunk in yet. Things are a little better at home, my sibling has been a rock. My mother still needs lots of support but is linking with her GP which is good.

I too find at night I toss and turn and sometimes panic. I hope it gives you some support or comfort to know you aren't alone in that. Thank you for your kind message, it has helped me a lot. Keeping you, your sister and family in my thoughts. Hopefully over time our journeys will be filled with more good days than bad days.  X

Hi Teresa,

Thank you for your thoughtful words. I hope you are doing OK. That sounds like a really challenging journey for you and your family. Your words are very wise - I think we easily forget that the quality of life lived is so important, as opposed to solely thinking of the quantity. 

That saying "grief is love with nowhere to go" often crosses my mind and I take comfort for it. I hope your children are doing ok too. I can imagine it's challenging for you looking out for them and minding yourself. You have given me very good advice, thank you so much. X