looking after mum is breaking me

Hi,

I've joined this group to try and express how I feel and talk to people who are going through the same. It's comforting knowing people are having the same emotions as generally I find that people don't know what to say to me. So here goes.....

My mum is 53. She caught a cold at the beginning of the summer holidays and was told she had a chest infection, then plurecy...chest X-ray.ct and biopsy. Long story short she didn't get better and my sister took her to a and e before we had the results as mum really wasn't looking well.  On 14th November 2014 they told my mum she had stage 4 lung cancer. Already had spotting on the bones in various places. Her hip broke while she was in hospital due to cancer in the hip. They let her out on 28th November and she came to stay with me. They gave her some chemo in the hope it would slow things down but over Xmas she became unwell and a CT revealed that the primary tumour in her lung had continued to grow even with the chemo so they stopped. She has had some radiotherapy to help with pain. It's difficult looking after her. I feel so helpless. She is so young to have this. I know it can happen to anyone but seems so unfair. So now it's a waiting game.mtaking each day as it comes.ma she won't ask how long she has and I know they can't tell you anyways. Anyone else dealing with stage 4 lung? Feel so many emotions at the moment. It's tearing me apart,m 

  • Hello Ilovemarsbars,

    Welcome to the forum. Great username by the way. Do you really love Mars Bars? They are nice, aren't they?

    What you are going through is very difficult but you have come to the right place to reach out to others who can only understand too well what it must be like to look after a loved one who has cancer. Someone posted only just yesterday who is also looking after her dad who has cancer (he is also 53 like your mum)  and sadly lost a mum to lung cancer and I think you two could find a lot of comfort from talking to each other. You can read kjg1999's thread here and respond there if you wish. It helps to talk to someone who is going through a similar experience and emotions.

    I am not sure how old you are and I mentioned it to kjg1999 who is 15 but this organization provides support to young people who have a parent with cancer:

    Riprap
    Website: www.riprap.org.uk
    This site offers support to children between 12 and 16 who have a parent with cancer. There is information about cancer and a forum to share experiences.

    I hope this helps a little and that this forum will be a safe place for you to come to whenever you want to reach out to someone.

    Best wishes,

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

     

  •  Hey ilovemarsbars!!lol.I'm only new to this Cancer chat&getting used to using this..my mum is 55 also&had breast cancer 17/18years ago and 4years ago it has returned in her bones slowly spending every area..from her back to rib to shoulders,hip&now legs..then last week we found out there is something in her bowels.she to has been on tabs to try control if not slow it down..I too am struggling to look after mum as knowing there no cure.im sure you are like myself in front of her your strong but behind it all its worst feeling ever.ive started attending counselling which my mum knows nothing about.it like a release where I can talk and cry it all out!.take care SINEAD x

     

     

     

     

     

  • Hi i love mars bars and sinead

    my name is Sara I'm 31 And my dear mummy passed away only last weekend! 28.02 I wanted to reply as I know what your going through. My mum battled bowel cancer for over 4 years but Xmas last year went down hill very quickly! In the end she was like a 90 year old woman, she was 56. Now she is gone and tbh it hasn't sunk in yet she died 6 days after my sisters wedding. I guess I just want to day cherish every mmoment be with your mum as much as you can and tell her how much you love her, my mum is gone now but you still have this chance. Love to heat back from you both Sara xx

  • Hey Sara i am so sorry to hear of the passing of your mother.thoughts&prayers are with you all.x

    Im 29 and mum will be 56 in coupla weeks..she the same she looks like she is about 85/90 the way is trying to move..i do try cherish every time with her but its getting harder.always here is you wish to talk to as grieving is a long hard process..Sinead x

  • Hi I'm going throw the same as you  my mum had ovarian cancer and now has stage 4 liver cancer and she has been in hostptail beatson from December and they have moved her tO St andrews hospice for end of life care it's hard I have had thoughts of kill myself because I could not cope looking after my mum  I'm now seeing a consular at the hospice now and taking tablets to help me mabey you should speak to your mums  doctor about hospice care just to give you a break they are fantastic can't fault it one bit they don't just look after your mum they look after you as well  should try it 

  • Hey Bobo...yeah im same struggling big time..had the same thoughts&do self harm when coming away from mum slowly getting worse..i go to counsellor after 4 or 5 sessions she knows im not a talker.but getting there.i hide all from my mum i put on the best front ever in front of her.but come away worse.i just gota take it one day at a time!x

  • Hi Sinead

     

    Thank you very much.

     

    yesterday was very hard with mothers day and it only being 2 week since her death it felt way to soon to be going back to the cemetary.

     

    How is ur mum now? have the doctors said much lately is she at home? do keep me updated, having gone through all this recently i may be able to help in some ways.

     

    Take care Sara. xx

  • Hey Sara, im sure yesterday was a tough day for you.hope you have good memories to cherish&talk about..will keep ya in me prayers!

    my mum slowly getting worse seening new things every coupla days like when i seen her at wkend she near fell three times like her legs going from under her.it so hard watching her get worse.she is away for a full body scan today to see whats going on in her legs.also she waitn to see whats in the bowels as their was narrowing/shadow in mri scan..yeah she at home just not as mobile isnt driving as much weve always said once she reduces the driving itl be a big sing shes given up the fight.i know she can only fight it and put on a front for so long.i can see were i get it from i put on great front when with mum but when i go away i crumble cause im seeing every wee thing.then end up taking it out on myself as thats how i deal with it best&release the pain thats inside me.just gotta take it one day at a time.take carr and hear from u sn..Sinead x