Just want to talk

Don’t know what to put. I’m 42 years old. Just been through safe 3 borderline 4 breast cancer and been cancer free 2 years. Mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer 1 1/2yrs after my diagnosis. She has lived 3 years longer than they predicted due to chemo and we have had so many more beautiful memories with her. 
she is now in the final stages of her life. We have her at home and although we have carers 4 times a day we do most of the caring for her. My dad has taken to drinking again (not unusual) and thinks we don’t know. He’s hiding it and being so irritable and argumentative the next day with both me and my mum. Kills me that he’s like that with her. She can’t do anything for herself now and all I want to do is make her last days as good as they can be. My sister comes and gives me a break maybe 2 days a week but other than that I am there from 6am till maybe 11:30pm. Dad constantly makes me feel guilty if I go earlier than maybe 10pm. I don’t have children but I have 2 dogs and 4 cats that I pretty much just pop back and make sure they are fed/let out and walked throughout the day. I don’t have a partner and my house is showing the signs of neglect. I just don’t know what to do or how much longer I can go on like this. My sister is an hour away with her family to look after and my brother is in Australia with his family. He doesn’t want to see mum how she is so tries to be there in other ways. Though tbh it’s not enough. I am the youngest and the one that is baring all the anger/frustration and care. I just don’t know what I can do. 

Parents
  • Hello, sounds like a similar situation to mine. My sister is an hour away also, and she is happy to help when she can but the brunt of things lie with me. My Dad has cancer, was diagnosed 4 years ago and has spent the first month of this year in hospital, not sure how he survived. But he did, and he had surgery too which we had been told was out of the question. My Mum has been ill recently. I am trying to work 11 hour days and make sure they are OK ... my Dad has declined with depression and refusing any help with this. I'm so sorry you're going through your situation alone, I don't have a partner either and it is so hard to deal with the emotional stress on your own. I'm also the youngest and taking everything on, making the decisions, helping with as much as I can but neglecting myself. It takes it's toll doesn't it? It's important to try to find a bit of time for you - I know that's hard but please try. 

Reply
  • Hello, sounds like a similar situation to mine. My sister is an hour away also, and she is happy to help when she can but the brunt of things lie with me. My Dad has cancer, was diagnosed 4 years ago and has spent the first month of this year in hospital, not sure how he survived. But he did, and he had surgery too which we had been told was out of the question. My Mum has been ill recently. I am trying to work 11 hour days and make sure they are OK ... my Dad has declined with depression and refusing any help with this. I'm so sorry you're going through your situation alone, I don't have a partner either and it is so hard to deal with the emotional stress on your own. I'm also the youngest and taking everything on, making the decisions, helping with as much as I can but neglecting myself. It takes it's toll doesn't it? It's important to try to find a bit of time for you - I know that's hard but please try. 

Children
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