Just want to talk

Don’t know what to put. I’m 42 years old. Just been through safe 3 borderline 4 breast cancer and been cancer free 2 years. Mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer 1 1/2yrs after my diagnosis. She has lived 3 years longer than they predicted due to chemo and we have had so many more beautiful memories with her. 
she is now in the final stages of her life. We have her at home and although we have carers 4 times a day we do most of the caring for her. My dad has taken to drinking again (not unusual) and thinks we don’t know. He’s hiding it and being so irritable and argumentative the next day with both me and my mum. Kills me that he’s like that with her. She can’t do anything for herself now and all I want to do is make her last days as good as they can be. My sister comes and gives me a break maybe 2 days a week but other than that I am there from 6am till maybe 11:30pm. Dad constantly makes me feel guilty if I go earlier than maybe 10pm. I don’t have children but I have 2 dogs and 4 cats that I pretty much just pop back and make sure they are fed/let out and walked throughout the day. I don’t have a partner and my house is showing the signs of neglect. I just don’t know what to do or how much longer I can go on like this. My sister is an hour away with her family to look after and my brother is in Australia with his family. He doesn’t want to see mum how she is so tries to be there in other ways. Though tbh it’s not enough. I am the youngest and the one that is baring all the anger/frustration and care. I just don’t know what I can do. 

Parents
  • My heart goes out to go as you carry this cruel burden alone. I think your father isn’t coping at all. Clearly, he would prefer that you were staying in the same house as he’s frightened and can’t deal with his wife dying so he’s aiming his anger at you. Definitely,speak with the family doctor. You father will go to pieces once you Mummy dies and things could get worse. There’ll be nobody there to support you and you are going to need all the support you can get. 
    im glad you’ve shared your story with us as a problem shared us a problem halved.Don’t concern yourself with the state of your home. Time to sort that out later. 
    you are an extremely good girl and your mother must be so proud of you. I’m proud of you and I don’t even know you!

    Have you asked Marue Currie nurses for help?  They are wonderful and come to a patients home in the evening and watch over the person until early morning when a family member can step in. 
    please keep in touch and hopefully we will be able to offer you the hand of friendship. 
    Best wishes to your darling Mother. X

Reply
  • My heart goes out to go as you carry this cruel burden alone. I think your father isn’t coping at all. Clearly, he would prefer that you were staying in the same house as he’s frightened and can’t deal with his wife dying so he’s aiming his anger at you. Definitely,speak with the family doctor. You father will go to pieces once you Mummy dies and things could get worse. There’ll be nobody there to support you and you are going to need all the support you can get. 
    im glad you’ve shared your story with us as a problem shared us a problem halved.Don’t concern yourself with the state of your home. Time to sort that out later. 
    you are an extremely good girl and your mother must be so proud of you. I’m proud of you and I don’t even know you!

    Have you asked Marue Currie nurses for help?  They are wonderful and come to a patients home in the evening and watch over the person until early morning when a family member can step in. 
    please keep in touch and hopefully we will be able to offer you the hand of friendship. 
    Best wishes to your darling Mother. X

Children