Just want to talk

Don’t know what to put. I’m 42 years old. Just been through safe 3 borderline 4 breast cancer and been cancer free 2 years. Mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer 1 1/2yrs after my diagnosis. She has lived 3 years longer than they predicted due to chemo and we have had so many more beautiful memories with her. 
she is now in the final stages of her life. We have her at home and although we have carers 4 times a day we do most of the caring for her. My dad has taken to drinking again (not unusual) and thinks we don’t know. He’s hiding it and being so irritable and argumentative the next day with both me and my mum. Kills me that he’s like that with her. She can’t do anything for herself now and all I want to do is make her last days as good as they can be. My sister comes and gives me a break maybe 2 days a week but other than that I am there from 6am till maybe 11:30pm. Dad constantly makes me feel guilty if I go earlier than maybe 10pm. I don’t have children but I have 2 dogs and 4 cats that I pretty much just pop back and make sure they are fed/let out and walked throughout the day. I don’t have a partner and my house is showing the signs of neglect. I just don’t know what to do or how much longer I can go on like this. My sister is an hour away with her family to look after and my brother is in Australia with his family. He doesn’t want to see mum how she is so tries to be there in other ways. Though tbh it’s not enough. I am the youngest and the one that is baring all the anger/frustration and care. I just don’t know what I can do. 

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  • Hello Jeffries82.  I was in the same situation as you when my Mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer.  I am the youngest of 3 children and I was still living at home with my Mum, so naturally I became her main carer.  My sisters had their own families to take care of, and whilst I understood that they couldn't be available all the time, I felt angry and resentful towards them, because it seemed that they had practically abandoned me and our Mum. I was working full time, but my employers were very good and they allowed me a lot of compassionate leave so that I could tend to my Mum's needs.  I honestly wish that I could give you some practical advice, but the only thing that I can do is to tell you that I have walked in your shoes and I know exactly how you are feeling.  I can also tell you this for certain:  YOU are the one who will be able to look at yourself in the mirror when your Mum finally passes, and you will know that in your Mum's darkest hour, YOU were the one who stepped up to the plate.  YOUR conscience will be clear.  My thoughts are with you at this terrible time, xx 

  • Thank you. It does help knowing I’m not the only one that has faced or is going through this. Just am clueless how to move forward.  

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